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Reunion 

For the past thirty-six years she had lived in a house on a golden field. It was made of old wood, yet it stood sturdy through all of these years. She often spent her days drinking tea on it’s porch, a book in one hand as she slowly rocked on her chair. Throughout those thirty-six years, her golden field had not once wilted due to winter or pest. She was lucky to live in eternal summer, only growing cold when the sun set and the sky filled with stars. Throughout those thirty-six years, she had not aged a day; remaining as young and as beautiful as she had when she had passed.

And throughout those thirty-six long, warm years; she had been alone without ever feeling lonely. Her days were filled with the mundane, yet she never grew bored. Life was good here, in her golden field.

It was a day like any other when she heard rustling from the field. The wind was sweeping in a light breeze across the land, but that was not the source of the rustling. Before she knew it, there stood a boy. A boy in the old, worn body of a man; but a boy nonetheless. His face was sad as he stood before the three stairs leading up to her house. It was, however, a face she remembered and held so dearly in her heart.

She stood, looking him up and down for a moment before stepping inside. She looked at the clock on her wall, which told her all she had needed to know.

“You’ve come too early,” She said simply, once she came to stand in front of him once again. He nodded, looking as though he was about to start crying.

“I know, momma. I know.” He replied, holding himself tightly.

“What happened, Kurtys?” She asked, before noticing the rope burn around his neck. It made her heart sink, the first time she had ever felt such an emotion in those thirty-six years. She knew that they would meet again someday- but this was not the joyous reunion she had pictured all those years.

“Can I sit down, please? I’ve been walking for a long time.”

She nodded, stepping aside to let him up onto the porch and into her home. He looked around once inside, glancing back at her.

“It’s just like our old house.” He said, moving to sit down on the comfy, plush couch she had chosen for the house.

“I couldn’t spend an eternity anywhere else, really.” She replied, a small smile on her face as she looked around fondly. It had been decorated almost exactly as the home they had shared when her son was only small, every knick knack and scratch on the floor being the same. “Now tell me what you’ve gone and done, Kurtys.” Kurtys let out a small, shaky sigh as he buried his face in his hands. “I grew too weak to continue on with life, momma. I was too sad all the time.”

“I doubt you were weak, Kurtys. Us Lutalos aren’t weak. Don’t you know what our name means?” “Fighter- I know it means fighter. But I’ve always been weak, momma.” Kurtys sighed, sitting back against the couch. “My life was good and I just gave it up. If that isn’t weak then I don’t know what is.”

She moved to sit beside him, resting a hand on her boy’s shoulder.

“Tell me of this good life. I want to hear what happened to you after I left.” Kurtys was silent for a long few moments, thinking hard about what to say and all that had happened.

“I became a knight, just like I had always wanted to. I was a damn good knight, momma. Even got promoted to head knight. I protected a girl when I was younger from her terrible father- the ex-king of Ishida Edgar Derre- and some years later she became my wife. We had many beautiful children, and though some of them didn’t make it very long I loved them so much. My first daughter carries your name within her own. You two would’ve gotten along so well.”

She sat and listened as her son spoke, and she couldn’t help but smile fondly to him as he did. Her boy had been okay.

“I bet they miss you very much, Kurtys.” She said in reply, and it brought a great frown to her son’s face.

“I miss them. They’re the only reason I regret leaving so soon.” He sighed, running a hand through his long hair. Tears welled in his eyes, but he didn’t dare cry. She studied him for a long moment, her eyes tracing the old and worn features of her boy’s face.

“It’s strange to see this, you know. My little Kurtys, older than me.” She tried to change the subject.

Kurtys nodded in response, looking up at her from his hunched position. “I’m forty-six now. I got to see so much more of life than you ever did.”

“I’m glad for that, though. I think that if anything… my death was the reason you received so many gifts from life.”

“I think that, too. Sometimes I think that you died at the right time, no matter how morbid that may be. There’s so much you were spared from. You died when you were your happiest. Dad and you had made amends, you were about to have another little boy- dad told me you had hoped for a girl, though- plus you and grandpa and grandma were growing close again.”

“And I’ve been happy ever since that day… I’ve missed you, and your father, but I’ve been happy.” She nods, smiling fondly once again. “You know who your dad is now, then?”

“Yes. I met him shortly after I became a proper knight. Sometimes I feel dumb for not knowing it earlier, considering he was around nearly all my life. He told me lots about you I didn’t know. Like about Henri. Dad and I were real close. I even named my son after him. He also told me that he missed you very much.”

“He really said that?”

“Yeah. And it really did seem like he was telling the truth.”

“And Henri- that’s your younger brother?”

“Yeah. He’s a real good boy, momma. We only met a couple times before I left, but he’s a sweetheart. Adopted by a rich couple so he was a bit spoiled, but he’s got a little girl and she looks so much like you, mom. You’d be so proud of him.”

“Though it sucks I never got my little girl, I’m glad I had three healthy and happy boys. Did- Did you ever find out about your older brother?” Kurtys cringed at that, glancing away from her and to the floor.

“You wouldn’t want to know Alfonze. He was a horrible man.” Kurtys responds after a few moments, grimacing. “He was nothing but a filthy fucking rapist.’

“Oh…” She frowned.

“B-But hey, two out of three aint so bad, momma. Henri and I did the Lutalo name proud- and I’m sure our children will do the same.” He reassured her.

“Tell me more about these grandkids of mine.” “Well… there’s four of them. Fluvius Jr is our first born, he had a twin brother who unfortunately passed. He’s a good kid, my pride and joy. You should see the art he creates, my wife taught him how to paint and draw from the moment he could hold a pencil. He’s got some problems, but I know that he’ll turn out alright. I hope so, at least… Then there’s Ilonia, my little firecracker and princess. She reminds me so much of you it hurt, mom. A natural love for animals, confident, good head on her shoulders- I almost thought you had come back to me in the form of Ilonia. Our adopted son, Dietrich. There’s not much to say about him, he’s just a good boy. And finally, Elise. That little girl was just… god, there wasn’t a moment in the day I didn’t have her by my side. A bit slow, but such a sweetheart. She had a rough start in life, but she was doing well. I loved- I still love them all so much.”

“So why did you leave them, then?” The look on Kurtys’ face was as if she had just punched him in the gut. She knew it was a blunt question, but she wanted to know. What man who claimed to love his family so dearly would make such a horrid decision such as to leave them?

“I-... I’m not a strong man. I know- I know. Lutalos are strong. But as Kurtys… I’m weak. Ever since you died I’ve been weak, momma. Life just got to a point where I couldn’t fathom carrying on with it. Depression was crushing down on me from all angles, I was at a point where no matter how many good things came my way I couldn’t seem to break out of its clutch.” He explained, staring down at the floor with such an intensity Katia almost thought that he’d burn a hole straight through it. “I regret it now. Fuck- I regret it so much, momma. My wife probably found me by now… I don’t know how time works here versus back there. I only hope it was her and not one of the kids. I remember what it was like seeing your body wrapped in that sheet… and I couldn’t do that to them. Taifun doesn’t deserve to be the one to find my body, absolutely not, but still.”

“Jesus, Kurtys…” It was all Katia could manage to even think to say once he had finished speaking.

“I know…” Was all he could respond with.

A large tropical storm had hit Gatol, so powerful that even the walls of the castle shuddered almost as if in fear of its power. Rain fell from the sky in walls, strong enough to knock anyone over if unfortunate enough to get caught up in it. The winds were just as strong.

There was not much that young Xavier Cane feared, not spiders, not monsters under the bed, not the dark, not snakes- nearly nothing. In fact, there were only three things he feared most. His father, the High Priest, and storms. It was a typical fear for any child, one that made the violent and antisocial fourteen-year-old seem almost normal.

His older sisters had almost outgrown the fear, bravely but stupidly sneaking peeks through the storm shutters on the windows of the castle until the guards would shoo them away. Xavier didn’t dare go by the windows though, far too scared by the rattling of the shutters. One window had already broken open in the castle from the strong gusts of wind.

The Cane children were sent off to bed as normal that night, the girls to their hall, Xavier, and an even younger Isaac to their respective rooms. Just as quickly as he could change into his nightclothes, Xavier ran to hide under his blankets. He kept them pulled up over his ears as he did his best to try and sleep, eyes screwed tightly shut. The storm had picked up a lot more though, and just before Xavier had any small semblance of hope of drifting off into sleep, an even larger gust of wind hit the wall of the castle. His window burst open, glass, rain, and splinters of wood showering across his room.

Xavier was quick to get to his feet, looking on at the mess with fear before hightailing it out his room. There were some small pieces of glass stuck to the soles of his feet, but that was really the least of his worries as he ran down the hallway. He ran past the guards on their way to check out the sound, past the doors to his father and brother’s rooms, out into the main hall, and finally towards his final destination.

He knocked frantically on the door, sweat and water beaded on his forehead as he panted heavily.

His mother opened the door not too late after, squinting out into the dim candlelight of the hallway and to her son.

“Xavier-? What on Earth is going on? Why are you so wet?” she asked, voice weak from having just woken up.

“My window broke open- I-I got really scared, mother.” He replied, shifting from one foot to the other.

“Oh goodness me… What a mess that will be to clean. What do you expect me to do about it though?”

“I-- I just wanted to stay in here with you.” “What?”

“Please? I don’t wanna sleep by myself tonight.” He sounded almost pathetic as he begged.

“Xavier you’re fourteen- Fine, fine. Come in.”

Aideen stepped aside, allowing her boy to walk in before she shut the door. She walked back over to crawl back into her bed, just about to get comfortable before Xavier essentially lept into bed next to her, latching onto her.

It was the first time she had ever felt her son shake in fear, and this was probably the first time she had ever seen him scared. Since the first moment the boy had beaten his brother half to death, Aideen couldn’t help but fear him. He was dangerous, everyone knew that. Yet here was that dangerous boy, shaking like a leaf and held onto his mother.

Aideen sighed, shaking her head before reaching to grab him by his legs to pull him up and cradle him in her lap. Even at fourteen Xavier was much taller than his mother, but even despite this, she held him there as she had when he was a baby.

Xavier’s breathing finally calmed as he was held by his mother, curled up and resting his head on her collarbone. Though the storm raged on ever strong, in those moments cradled in his mother’s arms, Xavier finally felt safe and content. He would never speak of that moment to anyone- of course. But for the two of them, it truly was special.

For Aideen, it was seeing her son like any other human again. Finally seeing that her boy had flaws just as anyone else; and that he was not all that much like his father.

And for Xavier, it was the few moments of feeling safe and secure. Knowing once again the protection that a mother’s arms can lend to her children. And all though they both knew that moments like this would never happen between the two of them again, they savored it by sitting silently, as any words would only serve to make time pass for the moment to end.

Despite all previous excitement surrounding his birth, Katia could not bear to look at her baby. She sat silently as he slept in his crib, staring out into the dark void of her bedroom. Even the risk of catching a glimpse of him in the flickering candlelight brought a sting to her eyes, and so she opted to only be near him in the dark.

He was a good baby, hardly ever fussing aside from when hungry, he slept well- and god, was he beautiful; but she could not bear to look at him.

Because with any small glance at his pudgy, little face would bring only thoughts of the man responsible for his creation. With her first child, even though she had only spent a few short hours with him, she could not see his father’s face in his own. She only saw her precious little one, of whom was ripped from her unceremoniously- her little Alfonze.

So how was it that this babe- her second chance at being a mother- looked so painfully similar to his father? So similar that she could almost feel hate in her heart when she held him in her arms. Hatred was not what she felt towards Fluvius, no. She still loved the man with every fibre of her being. But hatred towards the babe for being only a constant reminder of what could not last between the two, what was not healthy and what was not meant to be.

She felt her breath hitch in her throat when the babe shifted in his cot, a tiny grunt escaping the child as he wiggled. She let out a long exhale when he did not wake, laying back on her bed and running her hands through her hair.

What was she to do? She couldn’t possibly raise him if she hated him… but to give up another child? She didn’t think she could bear that same experience twice. And so, for the time being, she would just live surrounded by darkness while he slept. She would feed him, and change him- but when that was finished he would go right back to the crib. She would not hold him a moment longer.

She hadn’t even brought herself to name him like she had Alfonze. When seeing him in those first moments after his birth, and seeing only Fluvius’ face staring back at her in the form of the screaming babe, she could not see him as his own person deserving of a name.

She felt her eyelids grow heavy at last, reaching up to wipe the tears away from her eyes as she rolled to face the wall. She would rest until he woke.

-------

A month or so post his birth, Katia awoke with a jolt to the baby screaming his little lung out, a shrill cry Katia had not yet heard him make; not even the day he was born. She lay there for a moment, listening to his screams; not taking any joy out of listening to them but going through every reason in her mind as to why he was so pained. He had eaten so he couldn’t be hungry, even if he were he wouldn’t scream like this. He was clean, comfortable…

But then a cold chill ran through the room. It crept up Katia’s spine like spiders and left goosebumps on her arms.

The baby had been born at an unfortunate time of year, just before the days began to get colder and shorter.

And Katia had left the window open. The window that she had so stupidly set the baby’s cot beneath.

Though she hated him, Katia couldn’t bring herself to just sit by and let him suffer. She rose to her feet, stumbling as she quickly made her way through the dark room over to him. She closed the shutters, pulling the blinds back shut before bringing the shivering infant into her arms. His skin was cold as ice, only covered by a light afghan that night, Katia knowing that babies could suffocate if given anything much heavier. She held him to her chest, crawling back on to her bed to sit with him. She wrapped him in her blanket, keeping him snug and secure before bringing him back up to rest against her, hoping it would give his little body some warmth.

They sat that way for a while, her holding him and gently shhing him, and him settling down to only whining and sniffling, making little coughs every now and then.

“Don’t you go and get sick, please…” she whispered to him as if that would really help. There would be almost no doubt he’d get a cold, already coughing and sniffling. The only thing she could hope for was it not to become anything worse than a cold.

When the baby had finally calmed down enough, Katia sighed and laid back against her pillows, rubbing his back with her hand. The little boy let out a yawn, curling his head against her chest. Katia was tired too, too tired to even get up to put him back in his cot.

When she awoke, he was still there, resting contently on her chest; save for those little coughs every now and then. She glanced towards the window, bringing her free hand up to rub the sleep from her eyes.

The sun was slowly making it’s way up over the other houses, cutting into the room through a crack in the blinds. She sat up, being mindful not to wake the baby as she did.

It was then for the first moment since he had been born that she had looked at him. She was cautious at first, only taking short glances down at him. But soon she took a long look, studying his face as he slept. His little eyes twitching as he dreamt (authors note: ik babies dont dream but she medieval lady she dont know that), his tiny, tiny nose, those pudgy cheeks, and his little mouth slightly open as he breathed. Something else had come over her then, as she brought him closer and did as most mothers did when first meeting their babies; she smelled him. And it was in that moment that something had dawned on her, something that brought a sting to her eyes; just not for the usual reason she would become emotional when she looked at him.

He may have looked like Fluvius, but he smelled like her.

It was a strange realization to have, but from every short moment she had held him in that prior month, a piece of her must have rubbed off on him. Whether that be of her soul or whatever she did not know; there was only one thing she did know.

He was hers.

Tears began to fall from her eyes, and she held him so much tighter, so much closer; sucking in her bottom lip as she did her best not to break down into sobs. But as if it wasn’t hard enough while he was sleeping, he finally cracked open his little, blue eyes; gazing up at her with so much wonderment. It was as if they were meeting for the first time. She finally couldn’t contain her emotions, and she broke down into little sobs. She ran her hand over his short and fine curly hair, trying her best to smile down at him but failing quite miserably.

And they stayed like that for quite a while too, the little one cooing up at her as she went through her episode of sobbing this time.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, little one-” She cried, sniffling as she continued to pet over his hair. “What kind of mother have I been? What mother hates her own child for something so simple?”     The baby only gurgled in response, a couple of little coughs escaping him, obviously not understanding what his mother was saying.

“I promise that things will be different. I promise. I’ll do my best for you.” she continued.

She calmed down after a while, now only sniffling with her baby and apologizing to him every so often.

She would do her best to love him from every moment then on, she swore that to herself. It was fair to hate him for something so out of his control. She would be sure to hold him like this every day until he got too big- and even sometime after that. It would become a new beginning for the two of them, and he really would be her second chance, she promised to herself once more.

“You need a name now…” she said softly to him.

She thought for a few long moments about it, looking him over once again. She had had a million and one names picked out before he was born, but now she could think of nothing that suited him. She rocked him slowly as she contemplated, humming down at him.

Finally, something sparked in her mind. She stared at him, repeating it over and over in her mind a few times to be sure it sounded right. She smiled down at him, running a hand over his cheek.