The Awkward Novelist

ok so if everythings normal, your phone camera should have a manual mode (sometimes called pro mode). in it, change the settings of the shutter lag to 20 seconds, then put the phone down on some stable, plane surface and press the photo button (usually when using your camera, the volume buttons can be used as photo button) and let the phone still for the whole 20 seconds. 

Additionally, adjust your ISO to the highest number (mimics the film used for very low light and low speed images)

And set your shutter speed to the longest time possible (on my phone it’s 10 seconds).

Leave your focus settings on Auto, and if your phone camera has a timer option, turn that on (five seconds is generally enough).

Plan your shot first, then find a place to set your phone down so you can get the image you want. The less light pollution, the better; you’ll pick up FAR more stars in your picture.

Once you know what you want to shoot, tap your screen to “focus” it, then hit the button to take the picture, set your phone down, and back away from the “tripod”. Don’t touch your phone for a good 15 seconds, just to be sure.

You will not be disappointed in the results, let me assure you.

Not even a little bit.

ask-omnipony:

I don’t really believe this mumbo jumbo

I mean it’s a goddamn hat.

Right..?

The white rose, it symbolizes the unique beauty of all the women who wish not to be with a nice guy such as myse-

I wonder if this works with other kinds of hat…

Nothing ventured, nothing gained…

WHEEEN THE MOON HITS YOUR EYE LIKE A BIG PIZZA PIE THAT’S AMORREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

oh boy…….

Luckily, this nonsense doesn’t work on girls.

Observe…

And it can’t possibly work on motorcycle helmets.

I must test it.

Nothing happening so far…

What in the world?

Oh why not? This should be interesting.

Here we go!

Were all mad here in Underland!

What the hell! Never Again!

… Actually …

Alright, I gotta try this!

Can’t be that bad!

….

LOL

i wonder if it works for flower crowns?

here goes nothin-

w HAT THE

DID I JUST-

Okay Clearly something is up.

Hmm… I wonder

I’m sure nothing could possibly…

I wonder what happens when you wear 8 of these at once…

there are a lot of philosophers out there, and they all need to get pummeled. here’s the chances that you’ll come out on top in no particular order.

Socrates  Who wins: Socrates  Look, there is a -100% chance that Socrates lands a KO, but that’s because he doesn’t need to. you come in spoiling for a fight and by the end of it you’re seriously debating whether you can truly claim to have ownership of your arms. It makes you want to fight him more and then you just get deeper into the spiral. don’t bother.

Plato  Who wins: Plato Sorry, but his name literally means ‘burly guy.’ you’re not going to win this one.

Aristotle Who wins: You Ok actually I don’t know who wins here but Aristotle needs to be beaten up so badly. Please punch him. I’ll help.

Diogenes:  Who wins: Diogenes I get why you want to fight him. I want to fight him. Everyone wants to fight him. don’t do it tho. His entire life is a series of him asking people to fight him and he still lived to one million years old. Don’t do it.

Epicurus  Who wins: Epicurus Jesus don’t fight Epicurus. dude does NOT care. your punches will be like water off a ducks back.

Kant Who wins: Nobody I forget the argument I was going to make because I just looked him up and he looks like a weird adult baby.

you’ll win this one but why do you want to fight an adult baby. Avoid.

Voltaire Who wins: You sidenote: is there a single picture where Voltaire doesn’t look punchable?

honestly. anyway, look at the guy, he’s like 20 pounds. punch him. 

Hume Who wins: Hume ‘In 1731, he was afflicted with a ravenous appetite and palpitations of the heart. After eating well for a time, he went from being “tall, lean and raw-bon'd” to being “sturdy, robust [and] healthful-like”’ HE GOT ILL AND IT ONLY MADE HIM STRONGER. AVOID.

Hegel Who wins: ??? I honestly don’t know but ughhhhhhh he’s so smuuuuuug. Do it. Beat up Hegel.

Kierkegaard Who wins: You Like, the entire Concept of Anxiety. there is no way you could lose this fight. go for it. 

Spinoza Who wins: You But you won’t feel good about it. All this scrawny man wants to do is grind up some lenses and maybe watch some spiders making a web if its a wild day. Don’t fight Spinoza.

Descartes Who wins: Descartes Guy was a mercenary. He like, did fencing. Don’t fight Descartes.

Nietzsche Who wins: You Use his moustache as a pulley and kick him in the chest. When you knock him out whisper ‘human, all too human….’, and laugh.

John Stuart Mill 

Who wins: You JSM is the proto weird atheist guy who corners you and insists on going on and on about Richard Dawkins. You could take him easy. Fight John Stuart Mill.