Ellasophia

and the ice melt to a water. let it evaporate. let it run to a river far away from here. let it carry me to a new land. a new earth.

let this storm give up on me. and let this world bring me a peace. what pieces it has left. for i hope there is some left.

when the storm finishes, for what has life planned next?

Part 3/3

it stay longer. it feel bolder. it hath less patience. or maybe less mercy. or maybe i'm weaker. this storm hath not pass me by. it cling to me. water brewing inside of me. it smoke and steam.

no winter or cold to take it away, it molds itself into a new form. in winter it is ice. it is heaps of snow. in heat it melts. it is steam. it boil so hot it make me scream.

Part 2/3

it makes the storms pass away while giving rise to a new. some bigger and stronger. some thin and frail. some wide in width. some large in spin. but this storm was different.

Part 1/3

The old dissolved into the new. Couldn’t call it evolution, for it felt like a regression. More sad, more tragic than I was before. Same person, same body, just a different form.

Unease in what was trying to brew. Under this regression a new me was screaming to break through.

Fighting under layers of the old broken into an undeveloped new.

Part 3/3

Who always seemed to believe in possibilities. Who didn’t view the world with such unease. Who believed in love by any means.

Part 2/3

My old mixed with my new. No pathway back to finding my old. It was lost. Or maybe dissolved into a new. I missed her.

Part 1/3

Sharp pain in the pit of my stomach reach the tip of my toes. Brain harden in its cage, pounding and pounding against the walls.

The lava flow rigidly through my veins.

A fire. It set a fire to whatever it touch. Running along the rivers of my gut.

It scorch a few spots in the midst.

My eyes roll back, as my body shake in quiet discontent.

just as fast as it hath came.

Please don’t leave me in this state.



Let me rest now,

maybe dawn hath bring a new day.

Part 4/4

Then I arose from a sleep unknown. The time passes by. I feel a calm.

Who giveth to me? I worry for who giveth can taketh from me. As they do so often.

Part 3/4

Pure vision of joy and love, until the other thoughts creep in. A fire sent disrupting the new and old as it pass by.

No need to slow itself down, there was little else to destroy now. Little left of me to be coy now.

Part 2/4

when it hears my mind speaking.

The abuse to myself

stop my own heart beating.

Part 1/4

for love placed desire in my heart, while fear chiseled pain inside my mind.

it knew you could love me easily, but easily I could not love you.

that i'd run and run, scarring you deeply along the way. while my own heart decay. but all life wanted was to give us both a beautiful love where in trust we'd always stay. One that fear could never persuade.

Part 5/5

i had always thought the distance was for my own unlovable self. that you would take one look and say this is not my person. that you could never love me.

and yet it was me. who failed to love. as proper. as a love could.

Part 4/5

so life kept us apart. In the abyss i had no choice but to view everything from a distance. bit by bit, some new revelation i hadn't yet discovered. each making me shriek away in terror, glad for having not met you yet. glad i could run away unspotted.

Part 3/5

i could go run and hide alone in my safe place where heartbreaks couldn't find me. for who could break my heart when they couldn't find me? alone was my safety net. i couldn't be hurt if i didn't open my net.

Part 2/5

maybe life knew that once you met me you'd be ready to step right on board and ride this thing to the end, while i lay shaking as i jumped head first into the abyss. away from you and your love because i wasn't ready.

Part 1/5

not every day i could be my best.

patience.

i must succumb to patience. i must have patience. with myself.

everyday i don't need to be my best. on my low days i must get some rest.

or maybe i go at it anyways. take my imperfections in a bag on my chest.

with me they go. in high seas they row. in dark winters they glow.

shining light on myself. it’s okay if I’m myself.

imperfections lay idly on my chest. by my side as I rest.

through night and dawn. through work and fun. my flaws shall dance with everyone.

no hiding from me, or you, or you. through flaws my soul had only grew.

my flaws needed a lover too.

to which they can stick as a kind of glue.