Nothing but loneliness, aching my heart

How I wished and begged for a way out

How I couldn't take this shit anymore

Now I'm standing here

Still fighting to be seen

Still forgettable to all but me

I wish you could heal this heart

The fog from last night still settled on the fields

Lightning, the only source of light

As it flashes reminders of those who have waken on these grounds with the knowledge their friends are gone

And they are next

I drive these empty roads knowing how lucky I am to exist

And how desperately I wish it wasn't so

How this suffering seems endless

Not just for me

But for all those I must protect

Is this what he meant

When he said all he heard was screams

I've never even known war or battle

Bloodshed is a myth

It's easy to be brave

When you're virtually safe

Sure I had the bad relationship

And I paid for the sins of my mother

And my father who told me I had his 12 yr old step daughters name.

When I was 40.

Some traditions deserve to be continued.

That's when you do therapy to figure it out.

But I digress

Looking out in this fog

Hearing the echos

The sirens still wailing

The knowledge at least one more child died

All I hear is screams and chaos

There's no love no paradise

No spell that ends this knowledge

That this birthday

Dawn rises the day after

Fog lifting from fields that have never seen battle in my knowledge

With such foreboding

Something wicked this way comes

And if you see true

You missed out on some amazing things. My life has been wonder after bliss. Hell I even found true love's kiss. All the things you said I'd miss.

You told me once that I was nothing a waste of space, and oxygen. You weren't mad you said, just disappointed. Another time you cursed said you hoped I had kids like me. Then I'd understand how hard it was to like or love me.

But here's the thing... I've got three. And I wouldn't change a single bit. I thought I would be angry, or sad. I never expected Pity.

You will never have what I have, no matter how hard we may try. And I feel sad now as I realize, I'm done trying.