Her star, her love, her favorite person. It's all of you, your whole being that makes you lovable. What's gotten into her that her heart is so disturbed by you, like a heart's about to burst because of so much love that she has for you, like how you can be with whom you love and she will love you just the same, an unconditional love for you that so true. And it may drown you and the people around you so she's just in her safest place as she feel the heart's loudest beat screaming your name. She's enchanted by your beautiful soul and kind heart and she always wish that may you receive all the greatest things in this world, success and all that your heart's desires, a genuine love that you deserve, and fairness just as should you always have. Krazy, but it's what she feel, she just loves you so much...
"You can close your eyes to the things you don't want to see, but you can't close your heart to the things you don't want to feel" I feel you here, Johnny Depp...
Like the sudden need to run, run aimlessly until you're out of breath. There's a lot on her plate but it didn't help, you're still in her head, today is just so strong, an uncontrollable feeling, so hard to ignore. Making her more helpless but no one knows, and even if so, bet if they will understand. She just hope you can feel this at least, from the people who loves you and you loved, it's overpowering, so overwhelming...
You're awesome, that's given, but then every time you do something she's in amazement, all the time, be it just a small act or an achievement you receive. Last night, it maybe just a simple livestream to others, but to squeeze it in your busy sched just to make your supporters happy, is really something. Always giving everything, so much more than enough, and so you deserve so much love too, let her give it to you, if you only knew how much she loves you..
My fave, thank you for your existence, I love you...
She's already at point where she thinks of what you're up to, if you've eaten and what you eat, too much isn't it.. It's your fault, yes it is, you keep on making her heart flutter, everything, every little thing that you do, you make her knocks off of her feet. You're always in her mind, and yes, that's always, never in a day that she did not think of you. And she worries about you, a lot, of what you feel, and what's going around you. If there's anything she wishes you won't feel, it's jealousy, sometimes she can see that you easily gets jealous and she can also see how hard you try to fight it too and that's another impressive trait of you, she don't know him that much but may your heart be at ease for sure he loves you so, just as how much you love him too. How strong her heart is, to say all these piercing words and still love you just the same... And she haven't met you yet, tho she saw you once when she's not yet a fan and that moment passed by like a normal day to her, but not until when she looked in your eyes, like she's been hypnotized guess that trick is true, and that's the mystery, the magical feeling she keeps asking why she felt, someone out there can give back that feeling but she chose to look away, stuck with this feeling and stayed in the dark, as long as you are loved, then she's fine. You deserve this kind of love, the pure genuine love and she actually wishes you receive more of it, to finally got the love and care that you' long for. She hope that someone would make you feel that you are more than enough, more than you think, you are lovable and you're such an amazing person, you are so precious, ah why can't they see these? Soon, maybe soon...
She saw a clip where you slightly slip while doing the fan service, sometimes you really go out your way just to show your appreciation to your supporters, she just really wish you're doing fine, she hope it doesn't leave you any discomfort, that your feet, your ankle is fine. She always worry about you, but what she can only do is wish, that may you always fine...
She's at it again, that familiar feeling of a different kind of sadness, and it's still you who always help her without you knowing it, unknowingly guiding her, she can find answer to things that sometimes trouble her, for that and many other things, she wants to thank you. When even the thing that bothers her is vague, yet you gave perfect answers for her to understand it.
With the things about you that you care to share, she came to understand your pain, your doubt, your hate, your heart, she understands you 'coz all about you is a relatable thing, a relatable feeling. And she thank the universe that you at least found someone whom you trust to show your vulnerability, because we need to let it out too sometimes, so thanks to him for being there for you. She wishes nothing but only the best things for you. This feeling is so strong, you, her fave, is the charm itself...
Ang bigat ng dibdib dahil nami-miss ka ng sobra. She suddenly remembered those times na sinasamahan mo sya sa paraang ni hindi mo alam, nami-miss ka lalo. She remembered her dream about you, the scene where you're urging her to join the crowd and even if she don't want to she went there because you said so. Eto nga ba yun, yung social batt nya went down to zero coz of the pandemic effect, hindi sya makasabay sa mundo mo, thinking of going there worries her that she just might annoy you, and the people there, the people around you. You have no idea how much she loves you...
He drinks. Sana when he's outside, he's with a trusted friend, and hopefully not too much on hard alcohol. He's a smart and wise man, know what he's doing but sometimes we tend to forget too, even taking care of our body, we tend to overlook it as well, exercise is a must but not enough. Sana okay sya palagi...
He replied to her post, nasanay sya na she post a message and it's just there. She's an ambivert but recently, mas kinakain na sya ng introvert side nya, her bright side is slowly fading, nkaka-miss. That's why she likes it when she's with her friends, bumabalik sya sa normal self nya. Her fave, he's really the sweetest, her ol frnds sent her a messages right away, informing her because he replied to her posted message, true it's a big deal, indeed, pero sa totoo lang nahiya sya, guess, an introvert thing nahihiya pag napapansin. But really, it's really good to know he's doing fine, hindi naman daw sya napilayan, salamat na hindi naman sya nasaktan. She loves you for being you, pero pahaba ng pahaba pa ang reasons why you deserve to be loved so much, you deserve this kind of love, and so much more...
His reply tho, mentioned about his time to play online, I think hindi na kaya ng time nya ngayon. When she first joined his livestream, manageable pa schedule nya that time, but think it's not the case anymore. Hopefully he only do it when he really need a breather, a long one, kasi parang napapagod din sya pag livestream. Lahat kino-consider nya mapasaya lang fans nya but for sure his fans will also understand how busy they are now, esp her fave, ang dami nyang ganap on the side, taking care his business diligently while also being productive as an artist, nkaka overwhelmed ang pagka busy nya, mahihiya ka sa dami nang ginagawa, sana hindi sya maxado napapagod, sana mabalanse lahat sa kanya... Sinong hindi mabibilib sa isang tulad nya, nag-iisa ka lang talaga, iba ka, a rare gem of it's kind, so precious...
After a day saka lang parang nag-sink in, rarely open or check right away a notification from dc when she's busy or doing something, but that one, she checked it after a minute or so, for what it was and it came from her fave, a very unexpected one. He replied to her for the first time and she's surprise and shy at the same time, nasanay sya na after she post a message it'll just stand there. But after 9 mos. since she joined and started leaving message there, he received a reply from him. And upon seeing what he shared and showed to them in that space, the sound, the beats he's working on, was it the "coverless notebook" in her dream? Either it's the representation of that notebook or not, masaya sya for him, learning new things and skills is not new to her fave, his curiosity on wide range of things is just so admirable. While tho it's not the kind of conversation between two people who personally know each other, it's still an interaction to be treasured, and, he also thank her. It's so overwhelming, her fave, he's the sweetest indeed, a grateful man that deserve only the great things in this world as how she always wish for him, and how she plead to the universe that may all these wishes be poured unto him the soonest. One might be too annoyed to hear her over and over again of saying how much she loves him, more and more reasons are piling up why he deserves a genuine love...
My fave, he posted a vid, a glimpse of what he's up to, what he's been working on, for days I guess. It's a possible song collab with some local artists, ang saya-saya ko for him, it's always been my wish na sana makapag-release sya ng sariling song nya, showcasing his talent, his hard work, sobrang nkaka proud, wala pa man, but I hope it's something that can highlight what he really got. I love you my fave, so much, always...
...and there's my fave. My heart is always worried about him. Since I knew him thru bits of his story that he shared, the story behind those eyes, who seems always longing for care and love, I just want to hug him that moment. Nobody deserves the pain, to be hurt, but most especially a person like him who only wants good for his family, for his dreams. My heart aches so much for him, I want him to always be happy, for him to finally taste true happiness, that's why I always wish only the best things for him. I want him to be with good people who will not hurt him, won't use him out for their own pleasure and satisfaction, so I always pray that he may be surrounded with genuinely good people, not the ones who are kind to him just because he still satisfy their likes. Mahal na mahal ko sya, at ayokong maramdaman nyang nag-iisa sya or iniiwan sya, kaya sana yung mga taong nakakasalamuha nya, wag yun maparamdam sa kanya. I don't want him to unintentionaly hurt someone either, hindi sya perfect and there's a possibility for that, baka meron syang masaktan ng hindi nya alam at hindi nya sinasadya, at yung nasaktan ibalik sa kanya ang pakiramdam kahit na wala syang alam. Masyado na yatang malayo nararating ng pag aalala ko, a perfect definition of worrying too much. But he deserves this, sana mas marami pang tao ang magbigay ng pag-aalala sa kanya, genuine concern and love without expecting something in return. My fave, I plead to the universe, that you may be protected from any harm and unfairness..
Naalala ko ang sabi ni tatay as I set my life on my own : Think of it like we were put out in a jungle full of good and wild animals, you need to master how to distinguish them, pero pinaka mag-iingat ka sa mga "taong naka damit tupa ngunit sa loob ay lobong maninila.."
So when I encountered betrayal, sa taong pinagkatiwalaan ko, the person I learned to love and embrace the bad side.. Tinawagan ko si tatay nun sa sobrang sama ng loob ko, I think it's the first time that he saw me cried as I became an adult. Sabi nya sakin tingnan ko na lang daw yung good side, na maaga ko nalaman kung anong klaseng tao yung pinagkatiwalaan ko. And he said to me na lagi ko raw tandaan na sila ni mama ang lagi kong kakampi at nanjan palagi para sa'kin, that's why when they left I'm really crushed, and I still feel that...
So I want to be that person for my fave, hindi ko man alam or basa mga worries nya, I still want to be that person, who will always be there for him, Sa Paraang Alam ko at Kaya Ko... - This. I didn't know it will come in the most heart breaking fate, and the only way to be there for him remains the same; in silence, thru words from different world... - June 02, 2022 3 PMĀ
Nag-livestream sya kagabi kahit na meron pa rin pala syang ubo't sipon. Cut in two halves, the livestream lasted for almost 6 hrs., halatang nag-enjoy naman sya lalo na sa Bloodhunt, kaya nakaka-aliw rin talagang panoorin tho hindi ako nakapanood ng live, I want to join but I felt it, so I just leave the moment with them, with him. I watched it in the morning instead, read on some comments and from there, malalaman mo na yung simpleng paglalaro nya shared in public, ang laki talaga nang naitutulong sa iba, it maybe a simple livestream to others pero para masamahan sila habang hinaharap yung stess sa trabaho, sa pag-aaral or sa simpleng pagsama nya, ang laking nabibigay na ginhawa sa kanila. Ganun yung positive impact na nabibigay nang simpleng paglalaro nya. Ang nostalgic sa pakiramdam, lalo akong nalulungkot. The heart is still heavy, pero siguro, hahayaan ko na lang munang maramdaman lahat ng to. "This too, shall pass", it may take some time, could be longer than what I think I can endure, but I know I'll be okay eventually, and the constant reminder, the reality that they are together, will be a help to slowly heal my heart and accept the fact. I'm not even sure too when did I start to feel that very strong emotion, nung unang sali ko siguro sa livestream nya? baka hindi ko lang alam pa that time, kaya ang nostalgic para sa'kin ng mga livestream nya, in a way nasasamahan nya ako, cheered me up during those dark days. Yung pakiramdam na parang he's talking to you, and then prolly the emotion, feeling, built overtime as I get to know him deeper, more than what meets the eye. But I don't regret it, a man like him is worthy of this unconditional love that I give, hindi nya man alam at ramdam, pero masaya ako na ibigay sa kanya kasi alam ko deserve nya rin makatanggap nito, hindi man literal na maramdaman at malaman, sapat na yung katotohanan na may naibabato sa kanyang totoong pagmamahal. I love you so much, my fave...
It's been a month since that day... š
Nag livestream sya, kakatapos lang. I saw it after an hour, shared in his Supporter's page, but I guess I know now why there's no usual invite, 'coz he'll leave early pala. It's this day, lalabas kaya sila? š
One day I suddenly visualize this, siguro eto yung araw na nasa rocky road relationship nyo ni Tin, you already have so many plans concerning your career as a solo artist, pero dahil may problema sa nararamdaman you're ready to put a stop, naaapektuhan ang desisyon mo kahit na maganda na ang plano. I hope this may come to you, sana dalahin ng hangin to sayo: Isip palagi ang pairalin mo, wag laging puro puso, my fave, your heart can betray you, have a strong mind to fight it, protect your career, protect the spot where you are now. Always go back to the times where you're struggling just to be where you are now. The reasons are so many to say why I love and admire you, but one of those yung pagiging mabait mo, masyado kang mabait at ayokong ma-take advantage yun sa'yo, others may see you as a tough and cold-hearted person but it's the opposite sa totoo lang. You tend to act tough to protect yourself, but you have the softest heart, fragile soul kaya siguro palagi akong nag-aalala sayo.
I sincerely plead to the universe na sana mas dumami pa supporters mo, yung mga out and active to protect you. Sana mas maging malapit ka pa sa mga fans, do everything to capture their hearts, but be careful to show them what I read on you, kailangan mo sila, win their hearts. You won't see it 'coz your eyes will be clouded by what you feel but it's exactly is - your feelings, protect it, protect yourself, and as for the man you're with, he's kind but there's something in him I can't explain, ayokong masaktan at maagrabyado ka. Sana hangga't kaya mo, don't take off and expose all that you are sa mga nakakasalamuha mo at nakakatrabaho nyo sa mundo mo, magaling kang kumilatis ng tao at makiramdam sino pagkakatiwalaan but don't trust yourself on that sense either, bumababa yung guard mo minsan. Your brothers, mula nang nakita ko kayo nun sa personal kahit hindi ko pa kayo kilala, hindi ko man kayo pinansin pero I sensed that they are genuinely good people, just like how I was attracted to your personality. And just like how it normally is pag may hindi kayo pagkakaunawaan ng brothers mo, talk it over and understand them. ahh nanghihinayang ako na hindi ko masasabi sayo lahat to, you're a wise man and I hope your sense on that stays up. Bakit nga ba kasi napamahal ka sa'kin deeper than shouldn't be? It all started when I tried to peek into your soul, like Alice in Wonderland, I fell in a rabbit hole of this beautiful soul. You're beautiful, slightly wounded, healed thru time and life lessons.. Life lessons, I remember my dream about you, there will be no "talk of life" happy long conversation that will happen, ours ended in that coverless notebook that you showed, and how I wish you'll have the confidence to share it too in public. Sayang ang galing mo eh, kaya sana magkaroon ka pa ng mas malakas na loob,
I'm hurting and it makes me weak, and how can a weak member of your fleet protect a beautiful yet wounded soul that's in you? I have to rest and be back stronger for you my fave, and once I'm back, I'll make sure that my love for you is as pure as it should be and won't hold any intimate emotion of a demiromantic person. I love you so much, at habang kaya pa, papahinga lang muna ako.. It'll take time maybe, but who knows, I'm stronger now so I'll check myself and see. Protect your self, your career, and shine brighter. Pakiramdaman mo sarili mo, kapag puro ka na lang bigay and the only thing you always receive is the physical touch as love language, talk to yourself and hold your guard up.
Pag dumaan sa tl ko ang livestream mo, I'm afraid it'll make my defense weaker, 'coz it's the reason why I was drawn to you, but it also reminds me at the same time, of the June 1st livestream, with what you said there that made me realize and accepted that the connection wasn't there anymore, If the deleted livestream last Feb 19, 2022 is my favorite, the June 1st was the saddest livestream for me.
Be a braver, stronger, smarter and wiser man that you already are my fave. If only I can talk this out all to you, kaya sana na lang lahat ng laman ng puso ko na nakasulat dito, dalhin ng hangin sayo, imposible pero hindi sa katauhan ng ibang nagmamahal sayo. I'm really thankful sa mga panahong yun my fave, the connection that we had, I'll treasure it as long as I exists. Lahat ng mga efforts mo just to show how you give back to your fans, hinding-hindi ko yan makakalimutan. Please wait for me to be back as a strong member of your fleet.
You are my favorite person, and will always be. Mahal na mahal kita, ā¦ š
First thing in the morning and it's you I think of. Worrying if you indeed went out with him when you had a cough and still have a little cold, it's not good for your health. You always makes me worried, oh how much I love you. This road, mahirap, masakit sa puso, but I must endure for I need to help myself, nobody can, but me. One's state of feeling is own responsibility.
You mentioned in your livestream last night that you are a pefectionist, may you stick to that and apply it to your heart decisions, mahal na mahal kita.
Thinking about my fave narealize ko, ang hirap pala talaga sa mundo na ginagalawan nya. He strive so hard to be there and when he's finally there the struggle continues. Sabagay hindi lang naman sa mundo nya, life as a whole is like that, minsan may mga bagay na kahit ayaw mong gawin, you had to, you have to, kahit hindi na yun ang nagpapasaya sayo. People are in pursuit of success, money, fame, kung yun ang makakapag pasaya sa kanila, so it seems, simple lang naman talaga, happiness yung hanap natin, at yun ang pinaka mahirap makuha. Sometimes we get the temporary one thinking it's already what we're looking for, we invest too much on it, by the time we realize it's not, it's too late and our time is running out. My admiration to you is so great, and I love you so dearly, kaya gusto ko lahat ng makabubuti at makakapagpapasaya sayo at the same time makuha mo, it should come together. When you said that you're losing the will to go livestream - I'm hurt for you and sad, you're losing the will to do the things that used to make you happy, as your fans we connect to you thru this - your feelings, pag masaya ka or malungkot ka we feel it too. If the reason is cause you simply changed interest, it's good but if it's more than that sana mahanap mo kung anuman yun, sana magtagpo yung needs, wants and necessities all in one. I hope someone can pat you on the back and hug you tight right now. With all these worries for you, I say to myself "forget the drama, support and cheer him up no matter what you feel".
Accepted an invite and went outside with someone, visit my baby nephew, go out with friends, and grocery shop. I walked through the world, smile, tried to be nice, and at the end of the day I thought about you, and felt sad.
I miss you, but whenever I think of you, it's all about worries and sadness. Lagi nang may kasamang lungkot everytime naaalala kita.
You always care, and extend a hand the best way you can. You asked a help for your friend about Psychiatrist consultation the other day, I hope your sister would be open about the idea as well, she needs help too.
You were active in discord last night sharing your time with your supporters, I'm happy you can do that despite your busy sched., your fans really appreciate it and it means their hearts are with you, you need to keep feeding their feels. I was a bit surprise tho when you post and delete a meme about crush. The members of your server are all fans anyway, so anyone can be a hit on that and to delete it because it's a corny joke could be, not with the intention of teasing someone I hope. 'Coz the daily wishes and messages that I post for you in DC just shows how I support you, that if ever you come across reading it, you'll feel that there's someone who's cheering and supporting you, in a way that she can.
Because crush is understatement for what I feel. Emotions or feelings are sacred to a person like me, and if someone could peek what's in my heart and say or call it that way, I won't take it. It's pure love. I do have a celebrity crush tho, your bro. Pablo. I admire him as an artist and he also has a mind like yours. I call you two, the wisdom duo.
Bestie called up when I went online this morning, she sent a screenshot of your DC status on a DND, with JOJI written and a hearts emoji. She's a bit antsy and I can't say anything, I just listened to all her theories for who could it be and what it meant. The more I listen to her the more I'm tortured 'coz my mind is wandering to the truth I know, I stayed silent, she didn't say who sent it or if how many members have seen it, it was passed along members. Maybe the people working on gy shift saw it. I'm just so tensed right now, be careful my fave, be very careful, I'm really worried about you.
At times like this that I remember the young JC, what you went through, why I support you and why I love you this much. Others may love you because of your pretty face, others because of your body and how you satisfy their needs, but I love you because of the person I saw through those sad eyes, someone who shared his painful story with the saddest words that pierced right through my heart. Please always be well, and always look after yourself, it's time that you put yourself first before anyone else, that's not being selfish, that's telling yourself it's time you give yourself what you really deserve.
I heard that you and your brothers are enjoying your stay in Palawan, it's good to know, and I'm really happy for you, that's all I want for you, happiness. I can't even take a look now on your IG or FB posts without thinking that it's an update intended to someone. Don't have TikTok nwei and I don't open Twitter anymore, 16, guess that's your monthsary. And now, even in DC..
This drama queen, for now I must endure her, that's just how she copes up. I'm now in acceptance stage and I know I'll be okay soon. With this drama napatanong ako sa sarili ko, bakit nga ba ako masyadong naapektuhan? nasaktan? I guess, kasi nag set ako ng mataas na expectation sa taong hinahangaan at nirerespeto ko, alam kong nasaktan ka noon, you were the same person as Tin now, hindi ko in-expect na dun ka pala mahina. I can't question you tho, just like how I question myself noon nung hindi ko pa kilala sarili ko. Until someone helped me in finding myself. We parted ways tho in the end, just like how any other relationship ends. And I met a few, but they can't get in to me just like how I trusted the man I loved, kaya siguro some can't take it and tried to get me back kasi parang may unfinished business, some men pride I think, pero pag wala, wala talaga. Then I fell in love again, and finally I accepted me, myself. but guess we're really not meant to be together, so I let him go. Then I met you, I fell in love with you kahit hindi pa kita nakaharap o nakausap, you confirmed everything, I'm so into you, para kang missing piece sa puzzle, yung missing link sa isang investigative case. Kaya siguro mahalaga ka sa'kin, kasi kaya kitang mahalin ng ganito, kaya ako nasaktan at nag-aalala sayo. I care too much, because I love you.
Aside from my loved ones, pagdating sa'yo ang dami laging laman ng puso ko na gusto kong ilipat dito for keeps, may substance, kaya ginaganahan akong itago dito. Parang page mo na halos, sabagay ikaw naman talaga naging dahilan bakit nabuksan ko ulit to.
How's your day like? I hope you're resting and sleeping soundly now. Saw some of your shared pics in server, the shots in Palawan, you look good as already given, but your eyes seems a little sad compared to yesterday's pics that I've seen, pero sana wala namang problema and I hope it's just me, sakit mo naman sa heart my fave, mas lalo akong nalulungkot pag malungkot ka. Sana okay naman relationship mo between your brothers or workmates at walang kahit na anong problema, but whatever it is kung meron man nga, sana maresolve or magkaroon ng solusyon na makabubuti sayo and or as per your heart's desire. Sana magtuloy-tuloy great friendship and brotherhood nyo, esp with K nakita ko kasi sa pic parang may awkward na naman kayo, I hope I'm wrong. I just love you and your bros too 'cause they are your family, magkakasama kayo na dinanas yung mga hirap para sa pangarap nyo, to be where your group now, kaya sana walang kahit anong problema na makasira ng samahan nyo, because your brotherhood, friendship is just so beautiful. Sana rin wag mawala ang sigla mo, at laging andun yung saya na makikita pati sa mata mo. The true happiness, yun naman ang isa sa lagi kong hiling para sayo...
Ang saya naman ngayon ng environment ng server ng fave ko, nakakatuwa magbasa pero sa sobrang dami at bilis mauubos oras mo so just absorbed the happy vibes, enough na. Ang daming bago, ang laking tulong nung solo event nya and his fansites' role for producing quality shots, good endorsement for him. Maganda rin yung ginawa nina Juce and Apr, nkatulong for new subs, masyadong masaya ang env. and I feel like yung daily wishes ko for him is not a good cut para sa masayang thread, I always send wishes naman for him, and for his motivation hindi man ako sure nababasa nya, but those active fans now, enough I guess for him to be motivated and make him smile. Magkaiba man reason kagabi and today bakit hindi ako nkapag leave ng msg for him, I think it doesn't matter now, what matters is theĀ growing number of followers who will support him, yun naman isa sa gusto kong mangyari for him. Yesterday I had a very positive mindset and heart, the whole day, I also want to share the good feeling by bidding good night sana kagabi, kaso biglang na-shift sa lungkot as I open DC kasi, usapan nila is about the "Thank You" message to fans ni JC, like saying a5 is actually a code for someone,Ā not sure if it's true and if they actually decode para magpalit si Juce ng dn to Jucci kagabi sounds like Joji tho, I remember that sad convo tuloy, ah, but good thing na seems kagabi lang sya as her dn is back to normal ngayon..Ā ThoĀ others say its just a typo error, gusto ko na lang naman sanang i-enjoy ang pag love and support sa fave ko pero, another drama noh, ang hassle kasi kung totoo man, imagine if the person you highly admire thanking his supporters but at the back of his mind, in his heart, it is intended for someone else, it's like receiving a gift na hindi naman pala para sayo, kung totoo man yun, kasi pwede naman syang magpasalamat directly sa kanya, talk to him directly and say his appreciation to him, not by using the messages intended for your supporters di ba. My fave is a very appreciative person kaya para makulayan yung pasasalamat nya, masakit, lalo na bihira nya magamit or na-a-address directly called ang members ng ihawan sa pagkakaalala ko, kaya kung totoo man yun. Yung tawag sa mga house members nya kung ilang sya sa bbq pwede rin nya siguro gawin official name na yung hayop, since iniihaw din naman talaga ang mga hayop. Houses and their members are one of important pillar sa career nila, should take it seriously kaya concern din ako, duon ka kukuha ng mga susuporta sayo eh. Tho gets ko naman fave ko kasi iisa pa rin naman nga ang fans when it comes sa pagsupport sa kanila, iba lang kasi pag address mo din members ng own house mo di ba, may sarili din kasi silang laban para sayo eh, tulad ng ginagawa ng bros. nya everytime nagpapasalamat, fandom and house magkasama lagi, so kaya ayun natuwa ako when he use his official house'sĀ members name na bbq, kaya nga upon reading it I can't turn Siofra to sleep din, aside sa feeling na para ba na rin syang act of euthanasia since parang puso ko na rin para sa fave ko yung Tw8r acct.
Ewan ko din when it comes sa fave ko nagiging childish ako, but everything makes sense as it should, pag para sa kanya, deserve nya na may sense, may importance lahat ng bagay na tungkol sa kanya kasi isa yun sa wala sya, ipaparamdam sa kanya nung mga panahong pakiramdam nya mag-isa pa lang syang lumalaban sa buhay.
Sobrang saya ko nga na makita lahat ng videos and pictures during that day, na maraming nagpunta para masuportahan ganap nya, nkakasama kasi ng loob yung mga fanbase, big accts ng fandom, nung may solo ganap si K lahat sila nakiusap na pumunta sa event niya, hyped nila, tapos pagdating sa fave ko ang cold nila, kaya isa rin sila minsan sa dahilan kaya ayoko na mag-open ng tw8r eh, hate ko pa naman ang unfairness.Ā Kaya I'm so protective to my fave, on my own way, in my own..
Isa pang dahilan kaya parang naiilang na rin ako mag-leave ng long msgs for my fave, I felt something off with Moi and Jell whenever m around, mejo may pagka-possesive fans sila, tho it's still good para sa fave ko. That day, I posted an inspiring msg, about one that should try to be nice kahit mahirap hindi naman kasi talaga natin alam what's happening on someone's life, it's a very nice message for everyone, kaya nung nag-message si Pau, and then she told me kakampi ko raw sya, sabi ko wholesome and inspiring yung msg but it's true na if you have ill feelings towards someone matatamaan ka, hindi naman talaga ako mabait, and I'm still trying,Ā but I don't want to start any issues lalo na sa binuong community ni JC, hindi ko papayagan, sacred yun, if I need to be silent para maging peaceful so be it, kung sa ibang pagkakataon lang, I don't take this kind of treatment, nakakagulat lang na, iba pinapakita nila sa labas at iba when you talk to them when no one's around. after that mejo nag tone down naman sila sa'kin, but they act as if I don't post or I doesn't exist there, Moi and Jell used to be so nice to me esp. Jell, if Pau doesn't send to me that kind of msg hindi ko ma-ko-confirm, kaya mas lalo kong na-appreciate si Pau sa act nya. Sabi nya masyado na raw kasi sya busy sa work kaya she never send me a msg na unlike before, thanks to ate Jai who always there, kaya I always check on her din, kasi kahit na ang strong nya, may pinagdadaanan din syang depression.Ā It's just that pagdating kay Moi and Jell, I feel like I'm catching a bullet that's not for me. After that I still try to go on and continue my daily messages to JC, kasi malay mo kahit busy sya mabasa nya and maka-motivate kahit papano, but it's really awkward for me, kaya post then out na lang ako after that, unlike dati. I miss the old times, nung unang dating ko sa server, yung mga nakilala ko when I first came there, yung mga naging kaibigan ko, wala na rin, hindi ko alam bakit biglang naging ganun sakin sina Moi, hindi ko man sila naging kaibigan tulad sa iba pero they don't act like that to me before, nalulungkot man ako but I still stayed for my fave. And now na mas marami na uli ang active, mas marami na syang makikitang messages and support para sa kanya, thankful naman ako kay Moi kasi isa rin naman talaga sya sa nagha-hype ng server. Roller coaster of emotion man ang pag support ko sayo, it's all worth it, worthy ka makatanggap ng mga ganitong love, dati kasi parang mag-isa ka lang, ngayon hindi na. Kaya nga gusto ko pa lumaki followers mo eh, yung mga supporters mo, para never mo na uli yun maramdaman, aside from the person na nakakasama mo na ngayon ofc, sana wag dumating yung panahon na saktan ka nya, or maagrabyado ka na, don't let it happen to you, I hope you can still have your strong mind over anything else in any case that would happen.
I may be busier because I have to, as part of helping myself, but I will always follow your achievements at hindi kita iiwan, ramdam mo man ang love ko o hindi. Ang galing lang talaga na ang ganda ng naging outcome ng event mo, more followers and more love pa sana ang matanggap mo my fave, sana wag kang magbabago, how you love and appreciate your supporters, it's one of many reasons that what makes your heart so beautiful. I love you so much, hindi yan mababago...
I came home late, from living the life, kaya hindi ako nakasabay sa livestream nya, na nagkaroon ng tech. issue kaya pala wala syang game na nalaro. Yung stress nya na naman dun for sure tumaas, mabilis pa naman sya ma-pissed off sa mga ganun, wawa naman fave ko.Ā
Kaya pala his spirit looks so down, he feel tired daw from all his activities yesterday, sana makapag pahinga sya ng maayos, na may sapat na oras na kailangan ng katawan nya.
So, ayun na naman sya, at eto na naman ako sa pakiramdam na parang he's talking to me, weird noh, ewan ko na rin. Mejo relevant din sa laman ng puso ko concerning him, ang ibang na-open ng fans na topic. Tama naman fave ko that it's always the quality over quantity, sa kahit anong aspect yan, kaya lang sa perspective ng isang sumusuporta sayo, xempre you'd also want bigger for your fave lalo na sa industry where he belongs, logically, practically speaking yun ang need nya pero sa side nya, tama naman sya, kailangan nya yung quality fans and I really hope dumami pa yung ganun sa kanya. For months of staying sa server nya, I can only name two, ate Jai and Janna, yung loyalty and love nila kay ssob sana makuha din ng iba.
Sana kung anuman pinagkaka abalahan mo ngayon, maging successful at sana mag-shine lalo ang talents at skills mo, para mag-radiate lalo ang brightness mo...
When you had to end the day with hurt and sadness...
I totally disconnected from twitter world, I can only read a posted message in there from my fave thru notif that he sent, a chance to read it as I open DC. Kagabi, after I posted my evening message for my fave and bid good night ate Jai, I thought I can call it a night that way, but when ate Jai replied to me, and check back DC, naabutan ko fave ko dun, and learned what's going on, I'm sorry, wala akong kamalay-malay, pero ganun talaga pag hitik sa bunga my fave, pinupukol. Kaya lang hindi ko maiwasang masaktan for him, ang sakit sa puso. Bakit nga kaya may mga ganung tao, they can give their opinion naman without hurting someone's feelings, they are so insensitive. Tho alam kong smart and wise ang fave ko, at marami nang napagdaanang ganun, masakit pa rin, kasi yun na nga mismo yun eh, he had enough of it na. Then Instead na sya ang i-cheer, sya pa mismo nag-cheer up ng mood ng supporters nya, ang tatag nya talaga, how can you not admire and love him.. I guess those people who don't like him simply chose not to, without giving a chance to know him deeper. Masakit man sa puso, but to know that he's shutting it down with who he really is, how he can prove them wrong, then I'm good..
Masaya ako sa pinakita nyang progress ng pinagkaka-abalahan nya, he even shared a piece of it, nice sound, ang ganda ng beats, sana sa missing piece nung track nandun yung kagat, yung tatatak sa listener once heard, altho yung beats mapapasabay ka na, catchy na. Nauubusan ako ng words to describe how amazing and admirable he is, but at the same time, how hurt I am too for him to receive this kind of discouragement, be stronger than how you already are my fave, use their hate as motivation, and soar even higher hanggang sa hindi mo na sila marinig sabi nga sa kanta nyong Mana. Sana talaga hindi maapektuhan ang progress ng ginagawa mo, gawin mo yung pangiil na sya ring pangagat sa kanila pabalik. May kapalit na blessings at magagandang bagay lahat ng to my fave, you'll be blessed even more. 16 na nga pala, I just remember from stored info in my memory, hindi sinasadyang isipin pa, basta gusto ko maging masaya ka lang, tama na sa mga pait at pananakit na bigay ng mga insensitive, sana hindi sya maging isa sa mananakit sayo..
I really wish na matupad at ibigay sayo lahat ng nilalaman ng puso mo na makakabuti sayo as individual and as an artist. Sana mas maging matagumpay ka pa sa buhay at sa lahat man ng ginagawa mo.
Marami nang nagmamahal sayo, sana boses lang nila ang lagi lang maririnig mo, the cries how much they care, support and loves you, sana ma-absorbed mo lahat. And one from me too, sending to the universe and be delivered to you, you are so worthy to receive love and more my fave, I love you so much.
Hindi ko na matambayan live updates or events ng fave ko & his bros. unlike before, 'coz I have to. Late ko na napanood kagabi yung recorded video ng ganap nila, mixed emotions naramdaman ko.
How's your work relationship with them my fave, sana okay lang, napaka-evident ng pagiging tahimik mo the entire event. Nalulungkot ako para sayo. Sana yung turingan nyo na brotherhood noon, sana ganun pa rin, just like how it's always been and should always be. One decision that changed everything, it's breaking my heart.. If only, I can make you feel that there's someone who stayed with you, paano nga ba kita dadamayan, maybe by letting my heart cry, be sad and feel the pain for the cause. You all tried it when you all went to Palawan, pero bakit ang lungkot mo ngayon my fave, nagsimula ka na bang saktan? Sana yung sharpness ng mind mo as you said to be of used everytime, make it happen. Nakakalungkot tingnan na nawala yung happiness you all had, between the brotherhood, nakakadurog ng puso.
Kasi dati parang between him and K lang ang awkward, kanina parang ang awkward nya sa work env. the whole time ng event, I watched it with my friends who also know them at nakita rin nila yun,Ā the atmosphere is not the same as like with their old events/shows when they work as a group. Si Tin being "extra" to K, and mas lively ngayong ganap compared sa WTC and Palawan, is he trying JC get jealous thru K, and K is going with the flow.. Nalulungkot ako for my fave, sana mali ako, sana sadyang low spirit lang sya and not feeling outcasted sa work environment, kasi ang hirap magtrabaho pag ganun, lalo na mangyari yun sa relasyon mo sa mga taong nakasama mo ng napakatagal na panahon, nakasama sa sobrang hirap maabot lang ang pangarap nyo, a family.. Sana, sana ma-resolve na and ma-close na uli ang gap na nalagay between the friendship, between the brotherhood...
On a brighter side, ang galing naĀ talaga mag act ng fave ko, ang layo na from his awkward action dun sa Christmas ep short film nila to this TVC, I guess yung facial expression na ginagamit nya sa pagkanta, ginamit nya yung style dito, ang galing, sa lahat ng shots nya dito, facial expression to action ng script, a wow, nkaka proud ka talaga.
Sana hindi ka na tambayan nung sadness na nakita ko kanina, sana happiness lang maging laman ng puso mo. Lahat naman hirap pag true happiness ang gustong makuha, that's why I keep praying that for you. If only I can make things possible or at least lighter for you, maging masaya ka lang. I hope, malagpasan nyo ng brothers mo ang pagsubok na to sa friendship nyo...
Put a right amount of heart in everything you do, but don't let your heart maneuvered everything, and when you do, let the stronger you take over... As to your brothers, they were hurt, understanding should be present between your group, and forgiveness. Learn from life lessons. These are just words from someone who loves you dearly, and I wish that my plea to the universe be heard, mahirap ibalik lahat sa dati, but if we commit, and do everything for the goodness sake, basta may forgiveness posible naman, kaya sana, sana dumating sa inyo ang mga bagay na to, haplusin ang mga puso nyo, ng pagpapatawad at tamang desisyon na para sa lahat, yung walang masasaktan, o kung meron man dahil hindi maiiwasan, let's go to one that gives less casualties. True happiness, peace, and genuine love... šš¹
How was your day yesterday my fave? The world celebrated the day just like how we did too, even if the reason to celebrate it isn't here with us anymore.. I'm not sure if the day doesn't affect you at all now, or still gives a prick in your heart. I know you have a strong heart, but I'm still worried at times, na baka naaapektuhan ka pa rin somehow pagdating sa usapang ama, na you simply dissed the pain and sad feeling but it's there. Natural lang maramdaman yun if ever, as I remember my late father on that celebrated day, naalala rin kita, na sana okay ka lang at normal na araw lang yun sayo. But I hope you commended yourself too, for being a father figure to your ate, umako sa responsibilidad na yun kahit ikaw ang bunso sa inyo. Sana napaparamdam nila sayo ngayon yung pag-aalaga na nararapat lang para sayo, a big hug and a pat on the back para sayo my fave, you've done really great, and doing perfectly great job as a brother, a son, a friend, and an inspirational person to many. May you have a braver and stronger heart as you face life challenges, a peaceful and true happy heart mahirap man makuha, pero sana ibigay sayo ng walang hirap sa araw-araw.
I remember your performance sa Acer, kinikilig ako na maraming nakakapansin ng big improvement mo, in everything you do actually, hindi lang sa pagkanta. Pero ayun nga, ang daming na-impress sa vocals mo! Grabe yun, sana nalalaman mo yun lahat, nakakatuwa, paulit-ulit din kilig ko na lalong nadadagdagan ang members ng fleet mo, hindi ko madescribe kung gaano ako kasaya. Even si P, I watched the vid when he mouthed to you "nice", a commendation sa galing mo as a singer, ang saya-saya ko para sayo, sa sunod-sunod na ganap nyo nitong mga nakaraan, you shone so bright! And may you continue to shine brightly! Proud na proud ako sayo my fave š Mahal na mahal kita, hindi dahil sa mga reasons na to, but because you are lovable as you already are, yung buong ikaw, marami na nga nagpapa-alala sayo nito ngayon at palagay na ako, kaya sana alam mo lahat ng magagandang bagay na to tungkol sayo. I hope na mas lalo pa kayong mag-shine as a group, mas marami pang makapansin sa galing mo, at mas marami pang blessings na dumating sayo, kasi deserve mo. Sana ngayong araw at sa mga darating pa, magagandang bagay lang ang matanggap mo, great reasons to make you smile, laugh soundly, just be happy. I love you so much my fave, always, will never fade...
My fave being so extra sweet sa server nya, yung kahit hindi ikaw ang kausap nya, kikiligin ka. Even how he interacted with the fans during their mall event, from their arrival, while he's on stage at kahit nung paalis na sila, yung kahit nahihila na sya pero parang hindi nasasaktan, pero sana nga hindi sya nasaktan nun. But nice one my fave, of catching their hearts, masayang masaya ako na maraming nakaka appreciate sayo lalo, sa mga gestures mo na ganito, dahil ang daming pusong sumasaya, ang daming pusong nagbubukas sayo, at sana mas kilalanin ka pa nila, if hindi man nila lahat, sapat na nandyan sila to support you. Minsan hindi ko pa rin maiwasang malungkot pag naiisip ko ang reality na you're with him, pero kung ako nga nakakaramdam nang ganito, mas lalo na siguro kayong main involved sa situation, but that's just that. Masaya akong makita na you keep pursuing for the things you want to do, making the people who loves and support you so proud in everything that you do, kahit sa pinaka simpleng bagay na ginagawa mo. Pero sana even you can eventually learn or master the things you want to or set your mind in to, sana if ever there'd come a time na hindi ma-meet yung sariling expectation mo, yung itinakda mong standard para sa sarili mo, wag ka sanang makaramdam ng frustration sakali man, altho alam mo na hindi naman talaga lahat ng bagay kailangan ma-perfect or makuha natin hindi mo maiiwasan ma-frustrate eh, and it's okay to let go some things at times and focus on things that has the most probability to succeed, kaya sana wag dumating sayo ang ganyang negative na pakiramdam, or much better for me to wish, makuha mo at mapagtagumpayan mo lahat ng bagay na gusto mong gawin, lahat ng laman ng puso mo as long as it's for the goodness' sake. Hindi man na ako nakakapag-leave religiously ng message to boost your confidence or lift up your spirit sa server mo, basa mo man o hindi but there are a lot of posted inspiring messages for you that can lift up your spirit and I hope you can see it all. Ewan ko ba hindi ko kasi talaga lang maiwasan na mailang na kina Mo sa mga message na pino-post ko, lalo na ngayon na best will be leaving the server na, nalungkot ako ng sobra, grabe din kasi ako ma-attach sa isang tao lalo na naging kaibigan ko, nung pinag-usapan namin kagabi yung problema, na-miss ko din lalo yung mga taong nakilala ko sa server mo, pero sabi nga pareho ng mga naging kaibigan kong umalis, we will continue our communication, hindi naman mawawala ang dc account nya, nakakalungkot man na she has to go, it doesn't mean her support for you will be cut too, she will continue to support you in any way that she can, just like the other people who needed to consider priorities, they are still with you and supporting you in other means, hindi ka talaga nila iniwan.
I love you my fave, sana mas marami pang chances at opportunities na magbukas para sa grupo mo and for you especially, as an artist and as individual. One that makes me so happy too, is seeing how your mom can take care of you now, deserve mo yang alaga na yan my fave, deserve mo maglambing for your mom, and take advantage of this chance that's given to your family to have each other and finally live the life as how your young self dreamt off, it might not yet the full picture of what you dream about, but at least you're getting thereā¦
Ate Ja asked for my opinion on certain things, she ended up calling me via dc comm to discuss it better, it lasted for about two hrs. I guess. She also sent me some files so I can check and share my insight. After which I checked on my fave's dc server before going to bed, he didn't left a message for them but I see him there, he still made his presence known to them. Bakit kaya ganun noh, yung makita mo lang na anjan ang presence nya, okay ka na, that's what all his fans felt, masaya na sila dun, and I can relate. It's so good to see his name there, na-miss ko sya lalo. I bid good night and went to bed after. Then this morning as I respond to one of mention in his server, nalaman ko na he stayed up until around 5am. Sabi nila, he might prolly working on something again, just like the last time, before he showed to us some spoilers of his possible collab with one of the local artist, na I'm hoping matuloy. Sana kung anuman pinagkaka-abalahan nya, maging successful, hindi lang yun but all his works. Sana rin maging maganda lagi ang standing ng investment nya, saka sana mas bigyan nya rin ng sapat na pahinga sarili nya. They say, there's no such things as "bawing oras ng tulog", once you missed the right hour to sleep and rest, missed na talaga yun sa sarili mo, sa health mo. He's a man who always know what to do, may sagot lagi sa lahat, so sana, may sapat syang alaga para sa health nya. I'm always so soft for my fave, he's been grinding almost all his life, naranasan na nya lahat ng phases of life, kaya lahat ginagawa nya para hindi na ulit maranasan yung pinakamapait, and that's why I'm rooting for him, in all that he do, kahit ano pa gawin nya, I'll always be with him, sa mga desisyon nya, he will always have me, a silent support from the back end. Sana magagandang bagay lang dumating sa'yo, saka sana lahat ng gusto mo maganap, ibigay na sayo, that the univerese may always work in your favor, in all that you do, these are all always my daily wishes for you, and may it all be come true, the soonestā¦ š
Just a mere thoughts of you gives nostalgia, gives so much feelings. I'm missing you, missing the days where in any event, you snuck time to update your fans no matter how busy you are, I miss that side of you. But then again, to me who knows the truth, understands how you maximize time for him when you're working. And oh, it's the 4th day of the month, one significant day for you both..
After losing that "connection",Ā then just the other day, 1st day of this month when suddenly, you made me feel again that somehow you're "talking" to me, the snippet of your recent perf on stage that you even posted as reels, your invitation to watch your stream, was it all just a part of my imagination?Ā Or was it intended for him and there I was assuming things again. Sometimes i wonder the possibility of you coming here, there's no chance you'd know this space, but the thought of possility somewhat worries me, for that means you'd know what I feel, and that means nothing will be left for me. If that possibilty has a chance and my mind and heart is known to you, would you pity me? Would you laugh at me? These are the most scary things for me, I don't like being pitied, that's how my pride is being too much, and that's one reason this space is born. I'd rather talk to "you" than talk to someone in real world where who knows how would react...
It'd also means you know who I am, for this space contains my heart, how it beats, what it's made of. My mind, how works, what's inside, how I think. That means a big part of me is known to you. What's the possibility that you really know? Or was it all just in my head? How would I know, that you can see me through, and that my heart and mind is being exposed to you? Would you laugh at me? For despite the fact that I know how your heart beats, despite the fact that it's beating hard on someone; I still love you.
But it'd be too much to think that possibility, a big arrogance on my part. I respond and assume to these"talk and connection" to you even if m not really sure, and now I'm adding confusion in my head. I really don't know anymore. But one thing's for sure, I loved you and love you despite knowing everything, despite the fact that my feelings would be catch and floats in nothingness, I loved and love everything about you, despite the absurdity of situation and reality. I do love you just the same...
A stage full of performances would be dull to watch without you on it, in my eyes ikaw nagpapakinang nun eh. I do want to see you perform live, pero kung may nararamdaman ka, what's the goodness of the show.
Ang lungkot ng bungad ng araw ko. Nasasaktan ako, para akong nawalan ng energy, source ng strength din kita eh. In my everyday life, kahit hindi kita nakikita, kahit hindi ko alam o nasusundan ang nangyayari sayo, basta alam ko na okay ka, okay ako eh. Nako-comfort na ako isipin ko pa lang na you're doing fine, enjoying the day, working as how you like it, doing things you love to do.. I'm not one of the active fans, my love for you may not look like how they show their love, barely see my existence in your world, but no one knows how much I love you, hindi man halata, how you're giving me strength with just a mere thought of your existence, I can go through the day as long as I know you're well. Muscle tear takes time to heal, and I hope during those times, sana makapagpahinga ka ng sapat na kailangan ng katawan mo, malapit na birthday month nyo, by then sana magaling ka na so you can both enjoy well, mahirap magsaya pag may nararamdaman ang katawan eh.
Ang oa ko ba para maiyak ako, I always pray for your wellness and to know, that for the time being, you won't be able to do much on performing which is one of the things you love to do, that already hurts me. Siguro mababaw para sa iba, pero kasi when your wellness is at stake, apektado o limitado sa mga bagay na gusto mong gawin or usual na ginagawa, tapos sa fave ko pa. I may sound like a preacher or like a nagging mom, but I can't help it, I'm just so worried.
Hindi ko man masabi kay bestie as we speak ang kalagayan ng fave ko, we can only both wish him the best and his good health may restore the soonest. š
When I visit the server last Friday (12th) and saw he shared the post about how glowing he is with happiness.
It's true, very evident ang saya ng fave ko, at totoong marami ang nakakapansin, mas lalo na yung glow nya nung BBP kaya mas lalo syang nag-shine nun eh, at ang sigla nya na rin sa mga interviews. Kita ko rin lahat yun. Masaya ako na masaya sya, yun naman ang lagi kong wish para sa kanya, yung maging masaya sya. And he's worthy to receive all this kind of love, deserve na makatanggap ng mga pagmamahal, esp. from people whose grateful to him for so many reasons. Minsan hindi rin maganda na alam mo ang dahilan, masaya ako pero hindi ko maiwasang masaktan, kahit naman i-condition mo ang isip mo, may pakiramdam tayo na mahirap pigilan. Nasasaktan pa rin ako, hindi ko rin maintindihan sarili ko, I fought hard na wag masaktan ng ganito everytime, but here I am, still the same me. Ramdam ko yung sakit sa dibdib, alam ko naman na, pero bakit ganun pa rin ang effect sakin everytime napapaalala sakin ang reality, hindi ko na rin alam, pero sigurado akong masaya akong masaya ka, sapat na to, pinipilit kong hindi indahin yung sakit kahit na ang hirap sa pakiramdam, feeling ko tuloy kaya ako biglang nilagnat kaninang umaga, literal na sumama ang pakiramdam ko, at natulog na matamlay. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko kasi dapat sanay na ako, pinilit ko namang sanayin pero eto pa rin.. Pero eto nararamdaman ko eh, mahal kita and what only sure I can do is just be happy for you, even in painā¦
