The Divine

Antigua cutting a tail off of a drake to use as a weapon

Keth arming a bunch of slaves under a castle to lead a revolt and all of us just leaving them on their own

Discovered Ranmorra and her ship, as well as learning about how to buy our own

Antigua mugging a shy tiefling by grabbing his wallet while slapping his ass hard(a beautiful time for a nat 20)

The start of the Antigua OnlyFans through owl messages

This was both a session and a side quest merged, we abandoned the side quest temporarily to return to the main plot. We will finish it later, don’t worry no loose ends 😂

Well we started out taking a quest from a guild to save a princess of a local town, we went to the town and met the king who was distressed about his missing daughter and was willing to pay to get her back. We found drake footprints leading up to a thieves guild and had to battle a drake to get inside, after an unnecessarily long battle, Antigua cuts the tail of the drake and keeps it as a weapon and they enter the guild and find loads of people including the princess who agrees to come with us, if we can get her father out of the throne. What the party didn’t realize is that the king was evil and keeping slaves, so when the princess explained, they had to get involved.

They returned to the guild for additional resources, got into a battle and lost Dolce in the battle. We split the party and IsoVeli and Keth went to battle another drake and Victoria and Antigua went towards Nizala.

-Several months of no dnd later-

We stopped the side quest and all met at the base of Nizala. Nizala is a bunch of floating islands, the primary one being the largest one in the center. All are connected by ladders and the like. The only way of reaching them is flying ships, so the party headed to the doc where we boarded a beautiful green ship and met its captain Ranmarra a beautiful peppy dwarf. She dealt with our questions and told us how to get a flying boat of our own and about how much each would cost. We started planning our boat and realized we would need a lot of cash for it and we’re trying to figure out ideas for it. While pondering this, Keth goes and checks out the boat, Victoria talks to these two halflings that weren’t super chatty. Meanwhile Antigua starts talking to a shy Tiefling and starts blatantly hitting on him and he stumbles over his words and has to excuse himself. As he walks away, she slaps his ass, steals his wallet, and writes her name on his hand so she can start a medieval Onlyfans for cash. After that we took a long rest and ended the session.

The Divine has returned after a year long hiatus

We’re finally back with more content and had a session again last night!

Thank you for all of your patience and it shouldn’t happen again!

Additional news:

- along with The Divine, we will be starting two new campaigns

I will be running Forbidden Arcana, which I will be turning into a podcast. It begins next week.

Emily, Victoria in The Divine, will be running a campaign completely different from the standard dnd universe called Superheroes. It includes superheroes and superhero powers. That will likely get a blog similar to this one dedicated to it.

I’m finally not too lazy to do these, we’ll see how long that lasts.

1. Dolce gets up at like five in the morning to tell Fen that she loves her and Fen refuses to even open the door for her.

2. Dolce asks Grognak what it’s like to have no balls after remembering that she tore them off last session.

3. We get to a guild on the way to Gillon and Victoria talks to a super excited halfling

4. At the guild after talking to the chief, Dolce rolls to make out with a drunk crying Fen and rolls a f*cking 18

“Man with no penis I do not fear” -our dm

“So it’s just a pendant that you decided is magical?” -also our dm

Dolce goes to Fen’s room and tells her that she loves her. Keth wakes up later and goes to the tavern while Victoria goes to find food.  Keth and Victoria get food and Keth gets another one of those really strong liquors again. Victoria gets three meals and Keth gets six meals. He goes back and barges into our rooms and throws bacon at us. IsoVeli fails a dexterity check and falls on his side in a sad attempt to dodge the meat. Lyosha and Victoria go to the showers and get clean. Dolce goes to Fen and asks about the divine, she tells us that there are the gods of music, nature, war, deception, and wisdom(Hugo). Dolce then tells her she has a nice ass. We proceed to discuss the map and where to go next. Dolce asks Fen what her motives are and they’re fine(I can’t remember what they are to save my life, sorry). We then have to explain how we got 5 horses and go get the guard, Fen goes off on Keth for being a thief. Keth asks the guard about Gillon and he explains that it’s at war with Phath and that the culture is super mixed and the people are generally nice. He also says the king is ruthless and pretty much the worst. Dolce asks the guard what his favorite color is he says red, then she realizes that she tore off his d*ck and then proceeded to ask his favorite color the next day. Then our dm made the big reveal of who was playing the guard AKA Grognak. More about him in the next post and I’ll be adding him to the character descriptions. IsoVeli apologizes and Dolce asks what it’s like to have no balls, then IsoVeli apologizes again for his sister.

About a day into our travels IsoVeli decides to train with Lyosha. IsoVeli beats him and they finish for the day and IsoVeli heals Lele’s wounds. Victoria uses a cloth to clean off his wounds and we head on to the guild. We get to the guild and it’s set up kind of like a village of tents. Keth talks to a stranger and asks what kind of guild this is and turns out it’s an adventuring guide. We proceed to see the chief of the guild, Keth tries to figure out who leads the guild. People wear colors to determine how high in ranks they are. Purple is the highest, blue is next, and white is common. Victoria goes to play with one of the 12 year olds at the guild and is forced to make an intelligence check and realize the 12 year old is actually a halfling. The halfling seems super excited and tells us we should join the guild and that the chief can give us adventures. When she goes to leave he aggressively shakes her hand.

While looking for higher ups, Keth rolls a 1, I roll a 3, IsoVeli rolls a 7, and Dolce got a 19(thank god). We locate one higher up but most of them are aarakocra. We meet him and he’s super friendly so I ask him what’s up with the guild and what’s up with adventures and he invites us to go on one. We start drinking with the chief and the other guild members nearby. I give Dolce a drink and she asks fen out and they have a drink together. We discover that Fen is a crying drunk and Dolce tries to make out with her and rolls a 18.  From there I cut Fen off from alcohol. Victoria meets up with us and we see Lyosha watching the drunks and smiling for the first time. Every last one of us said aww.

“Start simping dammit” -Keth

“The magic hand job” -Dolce

“I’m about to make a d*ck earring” -Dolce

We go to the chiefs and Fen and Lyosha are with us. Victoria goes to the library with Lyosha and everyone else goes to the chief. The chief's house is no longer guarded so Keth draws his axe and heads in. Dolce rolls a 16 to do a sexy interpretive dance to Fen in her doorway. She rolls a 16, but Fen is impressed but disinterested. She was impressed by Dolce being bold enough to embarrass herself for her. We open the door and see Maya the chief is sitting in her chair with two guards. Keth shoves IsoVeli in between the two guards and they all start talking. IsoVeli checks the guards to see if they have black eyes, they don’t have black eyes but they have purple veins. IsoVeli asks about the description of the suspicious guards and one of them turns him around to figure out who he was. One of them looks around at us and he sees something behind us and just goes and grabs Fen.

Meanwhile Victoria(while trying to metagame) asks Lyosha what he wants to do, and he says he wants to get into better clothes and Victoria takes him to the market. Victoria buys him a shirt for 6 gold pieces. He puts on a tank top and asks Victoria to help him put on the vest that came with it and then she tries to get him some food but he’s not hungry so we cut to the rest of the group. We roll initiative to help fen. We eventually get the first guard dead and then Keth and I both fail to do any damage to the second one. Dolce says she’s going to make a d*ck earring and uses mage hand slap with her nat 20. Our dm was complaining about having to narrate this, but I have to make it canon in our blog so… anyway we injure the final guard... a lot, and Keth ties him up. Fen pulls out an arrow that IsoVeli lodged into his eye. Fen gave IsoVeli back his arrow.

Victoria gets everyone bread for 2 silver pieces and cake for 1 gold. We take the guard and interrogate him a bit. Keth follows him and I vow to protect him for no apparent reason. When Keth threatens him and I step between him and the guard. Lyosha immediately comes up to me and asks If I’m protecting him when I say yes he puts away the spade (his weapon that he’s carrying for IsoVeli until IsoVeli is ready) without a second thought and backs off of him. Lyosha decides to come with me from here on out. Victoria, Keth, and I explore the town and IsoVeli and Dolce go to the Inn for the night.

Keth goes to the blacksmith but doesn’t buy anything and I go and try to find some animals. I notice a stable with a bunch of horses but none of them are for sale. So I go out and get myself a baby deer and get Lyosha a bunny. We go running into town with a deer and a rabbit while Victoria is shopping for her siblings. Keth goes to the store that ripped Victoria off by selling her a shirt for 6 gold pieces. He attacks the owner and ties him up in the back steals all of his money and the remaining clothes. Keth goes back to the stables and attacks the two women inside and steals the four horses, but there was another horse with a guy so Keth takes out the other guy and gets the other horse. So Lyosha takes 2 people and Keth takes 1 so they tie up and agree to take them to the inn and make it look like they had a threesome. A guard stopped us to ask what was going on but believed my lies and we got them to the room and poured alcohol on them and left the bottle in the room. Lyosha and I leave while Keth pays for two rooms for the night. Victoria gets a model boat ship, a book of princes, a popper, something fake gold(x2), a doll, and a hat. She found the book, the doll, and the ship easily and managed to find a necklace in place of the fake gold.

Bonus: after the session Victoria, our DM, Keth, and I were chatting about how men are no longer necessary in society but we keep them around, Keth straight up left.

Also here’s Lyosha:

So sorry for my lack of posts and stuff. It’s 1:00 and I just had a revelation. So time for a little dm appreciation post. So our cleric is a little asexual boi and our dm gave him a spade as a weapon. He’s an ace of spades.

He’s the ace of spades.

I love her. She’s a genius.