I am so unbelievably angry.
For starters, I am dwelling on the past, but it is something to be dwelled on. I also would like to put a TRIGGER WARNING for sexual assault, mentions of a past groomer, and overall perverted shit that went on. Some of the things discussed will be triggering and disturbing to some viewers. I don’t know how to put a read more thing, but there will be a lot to read.
You have been warned. Continue under the line.
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Triggering content below - Sexual assault
- I’m unsure how to even start this, but here I go.
- For starters, some things you need to know about the host is that the host is notorious for being filled with despair and grief that erupts into anger and aggression. When not feeling anger or aggression, they’re empty. They don’t know what to feel. So I apologise if this account of what happened isn’t an actual theme of sexual assault, but I believe it was because it was committed with sexual intent, and intent to make them submit to said person.
- The host had been sexually assaulted by someone else’s alter, this said person has DID, we will not be naming them for right now for the hosts sake.
- Here’s what happened, Sam and their main fronter were trying to have their hosts meet officially, unbeknownst to the other person, a different alter came out while our host did. Our host just kind of sat there, miserable, as usual while their alter started taunting, trying to make them get aggressive. Which ended up in them fighting and the host biting their wrist. Not hard enough to draw blood, but hard enough to bruise. I’m not sure why the host let go in the first place, they didn’t tell me that much but anyways.
- After that encounter they talked for a bit, well, it was probably their alter talking at host not to host since the host doesn’t really respond.
- But their alter started their bullshit again. And started another fight that the host only half assed participated in, being tired and wanting to sleep.
- After about a minute of this, their alter said “I’m going to sexually assault you.” Then pulled the host down into a kiss while their hands tried to wander.
- The host being the host, bit them again, this time, biting their lower lip hard enough to draw blood and pull away.
- That was when I and another one of their alters pushed through to end this and prevent worse from happening.
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Triggering content below - Grooming and conflict.
- this one involves Sam and their main fronter. A lot of grooming mentions and weaponisation of trauma. Much shorter than the previous one. I’m not even gonna bother trying to keep their name a secret, it’s Allen.
- Whenever Sam and Allen got into a fight, Allen would often scream at them over text, knowing yelling was one of Sams boundaries. And many times, most of the time actually, it was over Sam being concerned and wanting to find out what was wrong because they were acting off.
- Whenever Sam did this, Allen never told them they needed space and that they were okay. They always just blew up at them and Sam tried to calm them down and prevent things from rising. But it never worked.
- In many of these fights, Allen would bring up their groomer, Koi, who was supposed to be a freshman and they guilt tripped him back into the relationship when Sam was ten and it lasted until Sam was 14. So Koi was roughly 18 by then. So obviously, Sam developed some sort of attachment disorder. Especially since they had done mildly sexual things with him. So that’s never okay to bring up period.
- then Allen would call Sam a gaslighter for trying to communicate, Sam would shut down, and they’d call that a manipulation tactic. It wasn’t. They were trying to protect themselves since they’ve been emotionally abused their whole life.
- Then afterwards they’d act like it never happened and ask Sam for nudes, which he never gave.
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I’m getting tired of writing all this, but I think this is more than enough. It just feels good to get it off my chest. I’m sorry if I triggered anyone. Stay safe everyone.
