The Dark Rose

he's been made very aware of what a shit hand he's been dealt and no matter what he does nothing ever seems to work out for him and so it became easier to just resign himself to the idea that it's an unchangeable aspect of his existence as a defense mechanism

this is also such an important part of his relationship with till because ivan tries to temper his feeling toward him by enforcing the same pessimistic mindset that avoids grasping for things he believes are fundamentally out of his reach and convincing himself he doesn't expect anything from till while not actually being able to keep himself from desiring and wanting things from him.

the confession comic gives vital context to this interaction and the feelings motivating ivan's harsh words: he thought sua was in the same boat as him, saw that wasn't actually the case and that the object of her affection returned her feelings, and when faced with that realization was filled with envy, perhaps even a sense of betrayal. ivan wasn't able to place these feelings, forgot them, but they were left to fester into a resentment which reared it's head in that moment. i think he was pretty embittered at the thought that this person who he perceived as being similar to himself has what he believes isn't possible for him and is, from his perspective, taking it for granted in a way he views as selfish and cowardly.

and he really wasn't expecting his criticisms to come back to bite him like they did bc he genuinely didn't think he would act like this. it's not until he's faced with what has become his own hypocrisy that he looks back and thinks he should've been kinder and more understanding of sua's situation but despite that he still tries to justify his own actions to himself as being better than hers

Just wanna get it to a place I'm happy more so since it's a gift

I'm practicing backgrounds hehe. The Ivantills here are so atmospheric!

Break room fun 😗 [IVANTILL]

It a entry for instagram dtiys :> #cupidmzsu_dtiys