Mustard-Inspired, Last-Minute Costume Ideas
    It's Halloween, and your plans to be Astronaut George Clooney from "Gravity" have drifted into thin air. You need a costume idea, pronto.
What a relief to know you can cull from the Mustard's strange mythology of characters and legends to cobble together something amazing! And by "amazing" we mean "wearable."
Robert Muldoon from JPTM3D. That hat with one side up, green utility vest, tan cargo shorts, unbelievable Australian accent, rugged good looks, WHIP, tall socks, hyper-fascination with raptor behavior.
Fyodor Dostoyevsky from Russian Empire. Shortness, permanent scowl, drab suit coat, indecipherable necktie, looooong beard, introversion. For More Fun: Periodically quote Carry Todd's reading of The Brothers Karamazov.
Potentially Offensive Prairie Person Stereotype:
Card Shark. Large fin and deck of cards. Or, vest, pants, straw hat.
Indian Squaw. Tuft of grass, brown skirt, tribal blanket, blond hair, feather in headband.
Traditional Cornhusker with mask. Unfortunate overalls, "N" decal, braided pigtails. For More Fun: Talk about how annoyed you become when someone calls you a Bugeater.
Norse Goddess. Sparkles, wings, elaborate head ornaments, beaded shawl, unicorn legs, special powers, sheer sleeves, ability to sing hauntingly.
FOR THE LOVERS, ER, TWO PEOPLE
Fox William Mulder. Black suit, white dress shirt, necktie from 1994, floppy hair, rabbit ears, uncanny knack for always being right, twist of dry humor, abducted sister.
Dana Katherine Scully. Ill-fitting black suit, white dress shirt, cross necklace, cat ears, unresolved sexual tension, daddy issues, science facts.
Sick Dinosaur. Resize and print this green Triceratops cutout on large poster paper. Easily fold it over your back and tape it to your body. Try not to move very much. For More Fun: Carry actual pile of poo.
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