Mx. Jester

Benrey: horse divorce?

Neo: Yeah, ponies were an old special interest... The flame kinda died out, though. Now I got no place to put 'em.

Neo: This is no time for ponies, though. We gotta get you back down stairs to the space grandpas.

Admin F: Surely it's not just me being OLD, right? Why's there, like, ten different lightswitches in here?

Admin P: The one near the door looks promising. Try that one.

Admin F: Okay, okay-

[He flips it on, and instead of the regular lights, the room goes completely dark, and some fluorescent coloured spotlights all start spinning around. Probably some spotlights rescued from a Chuck E Cheese that had their animatronic band removed!]

[A song starts playing from Neo's "party time" playlist!]

Swap: I... I want to know you, Neo. The real you. And I want you to know the real me.

Swap: Y'know. The alien. The invader in Half-Life's code.

Swap: You're not normal! That's fine! I don't care about that! I am... not fucking normal either! And we can be not normal together or something! However you wanna do it! Really! Don't count yourself out, man-!!

[Neo scoots their gamer chair closer, wrapping a gloved hand around one of the short tendrils that stick out of Swap's helmet. He watches it curl around his finger with fascination.]

Neo: ...Well, uh. I'd like to know you, too.

Neo: Gordon Feetman.

Kittle: Yeayeayea. Just pretend we're not even here.

[He waves Neo off.]

[Neo hops on his own gamer chair, rolling back over to Swap.]

Neo: Y'know, uh. I... thought you really didn't like me. For a while. You were on my ass since the beginning, man...

Swap: I mean- it started like that. You were... the Player. You could notice I was... something out of place. All sortsa things coulda gone wrong. You could have reset the game, you could have reported me to Valve... Hell, even in the game, you could have given me over to scientists once you figured out I was... kind of an alien...

[He sighs.]

Swap: I was terrified of you. Of what you could do.

[Neo idly kicks their legs back and forth.]

Neo: ...But you came all the way back here. Even though the space guys freed you. You coulda gone... anywhere. Outside of my computer.

Neo: ...Why'd you come back?

Swap: ...Because- I LIKE you, okay?! You annoying me makes my head spin but it's- FUN! I like picking fights with you! Like I like picking fights with Malcom! But it's not... JUST that! It's something... different!

Swap: Not more. Just... different. The way you talk, the way you joke... The way you made your model smile... I saw glimpses of the human behind that. And... It was always the human I wanted.

Swap: ...I like you, Neo. Romantically. And I want to make amends with you. You don't have to like me back, but... I've been told to air it out. Because if we fight... it should be fun for both of us. Nothing serious.

Swap: I have nothing to be afraid of anymore.

Neo: ...Oh, wow.

Neo: Truth booooomb...

Kittle: Lessee..... You tried some stuff already, didn't you, Neo?

Neo: Uhh. Yeah. Like. Some?

Kittle: Can't be that bad. Let's see- oh, hey, an if-then statement. What's-

[if: science team

then: yes]

[Neo points upstairs.]

Neo: My Half-Life.

Neo: Dude, I've, like... I've been trying to crack it open for hours... daaays, bro... Haven't slept... But I'm, uh...

[They hide their face in their hood.]

Neo: Not good at coding... I'm a video guy, not a coding guy...

Admin P: Well! We used our tech to extract your Gordon, didn't we? I don't see why we can't-

[Kittle raises a hand to cut P off.]

Gordon B: Oh my god- we forgot to start with that?! We totally forgot to start with that!

Gordon B: Uh- yes! Multiverse, by the way! Real! Very real!

Gordon B: Ahhh, I've been cooped up on that stupid ship for so long that I forgot it wasn't common knowledge-

Neo: Yeah yeah yeah okay I got it I read comics. Are you guys being serious when you say you can help? Yeah or no?

Neo: Oh.

[He releases F, tugging at his own gloves.]

Neo: Sorry. Thought the Tron outfits thing was just... part of the real-life thing.

Neo: ...

[He sits down on the nearest chair, waiting for everyone to settle in and explain some things.]

[F pauses for a long time, hands lingering on the places where Neo once was.]

[Swap shoves the flytraps into Bushnell's arms.]

Swap: HERE. PEACE OFFERING.

[Gordon B runs up onto the porch, putting his hands on Swap's shoulders.]

Gordon B: Uh- no no, Swap! You got these as a sign of your appreciation, remember? Because you want to tell your Benrey how you feel?

Be yourself. Honestly and throughly.

We messages have all got your back here!!!

[Knock knock knock.]

[The door opens.]

Swap: HEY, REMEMBER ME?-

Bushnell: ...

[But she's not alone. Someone bangs on the upper window, drawing Doc's attention upwards-]

Dr. Harold: My boy! Is that you? What are you doing all the way down there?

G-Man: I believe we have... reached our destination.

G-Man: It wassss a pleasure... working with you.

G-Man: Enjoy your family, brave one... You have all the time in the world to.

[The G-Man puts out a hand. Doc hesitates for a moment, then shakes it.]

Doc: I suppose this is goodbye.