The Toxicity Of Dance (Re-edited)
summary: You and Yeosang have been attached to hip since you were 10 years old and it was all because of dance, what happens when it becomes the main reason why the friendship almost falls apart?
pairing: reader x non-idol! Yeosang
genre: (18+ minors dni), romance, angst, college au kind of??, smut, best friends to lovers
warnings: a lot of self-doubt, overthinking, yelling, crying, Wooyoung being so real with Yeosang (like get it together), making out, soft dom! yeosang, dry humping, unprotected sex (don't do this lmao), fingering, slow sex that turns a little rough, creampie.
“Again Sangie! If you want to make it to round two, your turns have to be sharper,” you yelled, standing high on a chair in front of the mirrors.
“Easy for you to say” He huffed, squatting. “I can never pick up choreography fast like you”
“You don’t have to be like me, be like you. Individually is key when it comes to these auditions”
“I’m taking five” He sighed, walking out of the studio room. You heard the bathroom door down the hall shut. You ran a hand through your hair and sighed as well.
You and Yeosang were always been attached to the hip since you were 10 years old. As socially awkward as you thought you were, Yeosang’s first encounter with you was tripping over his own two feet trying to do a running pirouette on the playground.
It was history between you after that moment.
Joining the dance teams together all the way to high school graduations. The late nights in the studios, helping each other on the moves. Junk food runs to the nearest convenience store for the casual banana milk and spicy egg ramen you both would be scolded for the next morning by your dance coach for eating.
Those times you cherished the most. You wish you could relive them before the auditions after high school happened. That’s when everything started to feel so….off.
You were always complimented for how quick you learned choreography from teammates and coaches. Yeosang never had a problem either but it took him a little tweaking always because of his insecurities that he shared with you when he was comfortable enough to.
All his doubts always rooted somewhere deep, he never brought them to you though. It was the occasional “I’m just getting into my head too much” or “Maybe I didn’t get enough sleep or practice hard enough” with the shrug of his shoulders. His eyes always told a different story.
Hurt. Anxiousness. Sadness.
Of course, Yeosang never blamed you for how he felt or he failed to improve on his skills for all these years. He couldn’t blame anyone but himself for how weak he can be sometimes.
As he looks in this large mirror, he wonders how he will improve this late. Being almost 20 and not accepted yet hurt his confidence but he thought he was good enough. His parents always saw dancing as a waste of time when he could be in someone’s law school. Every time he went home to visit, they reminded him of how much of a failure he is to them at this very moment. He never told you about those visits, he couldn’t. He felt like you would pity him and feel bad for him. Yeosang didn’t want that, especially not from you.
A person who held the stars in their eyes and had so much faith in him when he didn’t have that much faith in himself.
Yeosang made his way back to the room and took a pause at the door as he saw you going over his choreography for the solo portion of his audition. You flowed like water and your moves were sharper than the blade of a knife. He smiled a little, admiring you and that one thought always came in his mind when he saw you move like that…
How could he ever confess his love to you when you were so out of his league?
Yeosang never thought he was crush on you would be anything more that but staying by your side for all these years made him fall deep and he couldn’t see himself standing up anytime soon but he didn’t deserve you. You needed someone sure of themself, talented like you, successful like you. Yeosang thought of himself as a burden and only someone will bring you down in the long run. That’s why after you were accepted and he wasn’t, it was the first step of him needing to let these feelings go because he was a failure. That moment was almost two years ago and he still hasn’t made any progress.
He keeps trying to distance himself but you always find a way to make your way back to him with your star filled eyes and warm smile.
Yeosang snapped out his thoughts, walking back and you smiled at him slightly though the mirror and paused the music.
“Are you ready to practice some more?” You asked.
“As ready as I’ll ever” He shrugged and stretched his arms out a bit.
“Let’s take it from the top and I’ll mark with you”
He nodded, standing in his starting pose. You pressed play and Toxic Love by Colde blasted through the speakers. He gave it his all and you helped him mark his spacing. As he made the right turns and caught on to the right queues, you praised him in sharp claps and sounds of enthusiasm. It made his heart pound and his brain feel a little fuzzy. You made him run through the dance two more times before giving him another break.
“Sangie, I've been working on something for our team’s showcase. Can I get your feedback?”
“Sure” He gulped more water down his throat.
You grabbed his phone and searched for the song. Shortly after your success, Lock In by Gemini and Destiny Rogers started to play and Yeosang watched as you started to dance and hit those sharp points like you could do in your sleep.
Foot always pointed, body isolation always perfection in his eyes, and good lord were your facial expressions to die for. Yeosang always went into a trace watching you move. He just hoped you could never hear the loud ripples of his beating heart as they always seemed to match the rhythm of your steps.
“What do you think?” You asked as the song ended.
“Always perfect Y/N” Yeosang smiled at you. You smiled back at him, laughing in a little disbelief. You weren’t always perfect but everyone always had the imagine they were. If only they saw the real you sometimes, the person who wanted to see her as more than this talented dancer and more as a regular human being. Yeosang was the only person who saw you for you besides my parents. It was draining, exhausting, and you didn’t know how long you could keep up with the fake act of being fine all the time.
“I’m hungry” Yeosang laid on the ground.
“We can go get some fried chicken if you do your routine two more times” You smirked a little and you started laughing at the way Yeosang whipped his head in your direction.
You didn’t have to tell him twice. Yeosang got and stretched a little, hitting his pose waiting for you to start the music. You giggled and turned on the song, watching him do it full out without him needing you to mark him. You watched him hit those turns and let the music carry him. His face was strong and playful just like you told him to do… to let himself feel the song. After the music stopped, all you could hear was Yeosang’s heavy breathing then he slowly walked over to his dance bag.
You laughed, packing everything up and he basically dragged you out of the studio. In a matter of 10 minutes, you both managed to make it to the closest and your favorite chicken spot. As promised you paid for dinner and the bottle of soju because Yeosang is a sneaky bastard. After an hour of laughter and an unplanned drinking game he created on spot, you two made your way out of the restaurant as the chilly wind of the fall season wrapped around you.
“I’m stuffed Y/N, why did you let me eat so much?” Yeosang whined, rubbing his stomach. He was currently walking you back to your apartment which was in the other direction of where he lived. You told him you guys could have parted after eating but he insisted.
“You know you can’t control yourself but now you got to work extra hard in the gym tomorrow”
“I was eating out of nervousness honestly”
“I know I know” He sighed, running his hands through his hair. “I didn’t mean to, I should have stopped once I eat 8 since they were whole wings at that”
“It’s okay, you been dieting well for the audition so it’ll be fine”
“Do you think I’ll make it into school this time?” He looked at you.
“I believe that you will, you got everything down. You just have to believe in yourself and know that you are capable”
“You always know what to say” He chuckled, looking at the sky. You looked at him and smiled but then you felt yourself start to stare at him. The streetlights falling so beautifully on his skin, making his birthmark look even more pretty tonight. God do you love the fact he decided to dye his hair blonde for something new and different for himself.
“Something on my face?” He said, breaking you out of your thoughts. You shook your head, looking away before he could see the blush creeping up to your cheeks. He raised his eyebrow at you then noticed how slightly red your ears were. Was he imagining things or were you checking him out? He shook his head, looking forward because you would never do that. You never saw Yeosang in that way, well to his knowledge of course. You dated around since you two were friends, you weren’t a casual dater but all your exes just sucked and you were a person to give people two chances before it was over for them depending on the circumstances. Yeosang was there to wipe your tears and share a pint of ice cream with you after those break ups and you always appreciated him for that.
“Well this is me” You said, nodding up to your apartment.
“Get some sleep and text me if you want to come with me to practice again”
“You know I always will if you ask”
Yeosang felt his heart race when you said that. He pulled you into a hug and squeezed tight as you hugged him back. You both pulled away, smiling at each other.
Tell her.. Tell her now.. That’s all that ran through Yeosang’s head but he pushed it back because he didn’t want to ruin this. He didn’t want the friendship to turn into an awkward thing because of your rejection.
You walked up the stairs and he watched you get inside safety before turning on heels to walk home. The fall wind and the half crescent moon carrying him home.
Yeosang’s hands were shaky as he waited in the hallway to be called for the solo portion. He didn’t know solos would be before the group dances and that made him even more anxious. You unfortunately couldn’t be in there with him but you waited out in the lobby of the auditorium. You knew he would do great and if he wasn’t always analyzing things you knew Yeosang could do whatever he wanted if he didn’t think twice.
“Kang Yeosang” A lady walked out the room and called.
He slightly jogged over to her and followed behind as she guided him to the stage. He took some deep breaths and made sure to stretch a little bit. As he walked on the stage, the lights were bright and blinding him a bit. He saw the same three judges from last year and he could tell based on their expressions they remembered him.
“Ah Mr. Kang, welcome back” one of them said. Yeosang quickly greeted them and bowed, gosh he felt like such a loser with his nervousness quickly being noticeable.
“What will you be performing this time? I hope it’s a little more clean than last year” the second judge said, chuckling a little.
“I-I made a piece to Toxic Love by Colde, it’s an R&B based choreo but also some hints of hip hop”
“Mm, interesting well let’s see.” The last judge said.
Yeosang nodded and handed the mic to one of the staff members, getting into his starting pose. As he stood there, his mind drifted to you. Your words replaying in his head, you marking his spacing, and your laughter during dinner that you both shared a few days ago.
The music played and Yeosang moved so sharp and clean like you told him too, his body so light like he was floating. His movements are like water but so captivating to the eye, the heavy hip hop parts making his body pop. He felt unstoppable.. Until the turn that had been giving him trouble since he started. As he was about to go into it, his nerves got the best of him and he stumbled a bit but he caught himself continuing. Yeosang didn’t let it show, keeping up with his amazing facial expressions but deep inside he was trembling and wanted to cry. As the song came to an end, he hit the finishing pose and the judges clapped a little.
“Thank you Mr. Kang, next dancer!” One of the judges said. Yeosang quickly bowed and made his way off stage. He felt his eyes burn and he wanted to cry so bad, to hide from everyone but he had to pull it together for the group portion. He ran into the bathroom to wipe off some sweat and take some more deep breaths before going back out in the hall to run over the group choreography that they gave in an email two nights ago. When he received it, he knew they were testing memory which wasn’t his strong suit but he was determined and with your coaching, he knew he got it.
After about 30 minutes, everyone was called to the stage again for the group portion. The judges had explained to everyone that they would be split into groups of three so they could pay attention to the execution of the choreography and how clean we were. Yeosang decided to tune everyone out and look at others while they danced. Until he was called, he ran through the choreography very slowly and went over parts that he knew were giving him a hard time. Once his name was called, he prepared himself mentally and let out some air.
You become the steps, don’t let the steps become you. Let it take over you.
Yeosang opened his eyes as soon as the music started and gave it his all. He felt on top of the world and nothing else mattered except the music and how he felt in this moment.
He must have had bad tunnel vision because as quick as it started, the 3 minute track was over and he was hitting his last pose. Other people in the groups clapped for him and the others as well as the judges. He turned a little red and bowed, running back to his spot in the back of the group. He watched as other groups went after him and his nerves started to take over as he saw how amazing the other people were. Those dark thoughts started to roam around his head.
What if I’m not good enough? What if I danced harder? My stumble in my solo is going to ruin my chances.
Failure. Failure. FAILURE.
“Alright, we are going to announce the top 30 who will be starting in our spring semester in about an hour.” One of the judges said. “Please go hydrate and get a little food, thank you!”
Yeosang made his way off the stage and out of the auditorium. He needed something to relieve his stress, he needed comfort right now.
You were sitting on one of the benches down the hall, waiting for him while typing a paper for one of your classes. Suddenly you felt your computer being moved from your lap and a body pulled you up in a hug. Once you recognized the blonde hair, you calmed down. You hugged Yeosang back, rubbing his back. You tried to pull away and speak to him but he squeezed you tighter to not move. He was shaking a little bit and you guided him so you both could sit down. He laid his head on your shoulder and sighed.
“I’m sure it’s in your head.” You frowned.
“The turn in my solo, I stumbled a little and I know everyone else was probably perfect. What if I don’t get–”
“Yeosang stop.” You pulled away from him and looked at him. “You are letting your nerves get you in order, you probably did just fine. You practiced way more than you did last time and I believe in you, believe in yourself that you did amazing.” He stared at you and nodded, looking down.
“Let’s get you some food and water, they serving pork katsu in our cafe today”
After getting some food in his body and more water, you guys spent the next hour just talking about random things. You wanted to take some of Yeosang’s mind off the audition and get him into a more positive mindset. He deserved it and he needed that after almost stressing himself out plus the strict diet he placed himself on for the past month. They announced on the intercom for the dancers to make their way to the auditorium. You gave Yeosang a quick and he nervously walked back, wiping his sweaty hands on his sweatpants. You just hoped there was a different outcome this year.
Because Yeosang deserved that. He needed it. He needed to know he wasn’t a failure that he made himself out to be.
“We will be going in rank order so please stand once you hear your name.” One of the judges said. She started reading off the list and names were being called left and right. Yeosang wasn’t expecting to be top 10 since his little stumble but once she got the 25th name, he lost all hope. He looked down and his eyes started to burn. Another year of failing and not being good enough he told himself.
“..and number 30 is Kang Yeosang”
Yeosang’s head whipped up so fast in disbelief but he slowly stood up while he saw some others about to cry or they got so angry that they left already. Yeosang couldn’t believe he made it but instead of happiness, he felt so sad. He was the last rank out of everyone which means he was still not as good as he thought. He sighed and ran his fingers through his hair.
“Congrats to everyone, Spring semester starts in mid January. Make sure you register for your classes and get your dorm room if you need housing. Welcome to the #1 performing arts school in Seoul.” Everyone clapped and bowed to the judges as they left the room. Yeosang felt more defeated than relieved, he greeted some of his future classmates. He walked to the back to grab his bag then headed out. He couldn’t face you. Yes, you would be happy that he got in but he still feels like he’s not good enough to talk to you right now especially knowing he ranked last into making it. He walked out the front doors of the building and began his journey home so he can finally cry and scream like he’s been wanting since he stumbled in his solo dance.
He heard your voice and continued but stopped once you got in front of him. He noticed you were trying to catch your breath. He felt bad that you came looking for him but he felt the indescribable sadness and rag starting to build up in his stomach. It made him feel so nauseous.
“Hey, why did you leave like that? Did you make it?”
“Why do you sound so sad?! You should be fucking excited, holy shit Sangie I knew you would make it”
“I was last ranked Y/N.” You went quiet at his statement and he immediately felt like you were judging him. He knew he needed to run away, he needed to drown himself in his sorrows… just for tonight. He tried to pass you but you moved in his view.
“Yeosang just wait… maybe there–”
“Save it please, just be happy I made it”
“Why are you being so mean about it?” You raised your eyebrow. “I’m just trying to help–”
“Y/N, I didn’t ask for your help.. Please just let me go home”
“Not till you talk to me, you do this all the time where something upsets you and you shut me out.” You crossed your arms, frowning. “We are best friends Sangie.. We have been for the past decade and it still seems like you don’t trust me.”
“Not everything is always about you Y/N!” He yelled. You stood there at a loss of words, you never saw him like this. He looked so angry and enraged, your mind was trying to find so many things to say but no words were coming out.
“Not everyone can be fucking perfect like you! It’s always about you and how do you think that makes me feel constantly living in your shadow!” He started pacing back and forth, you just watched with your mouth closed.
“God, even my fucking parents worship the ground you walk while I’m some fucking failure of kid to them. I’m never good enough for them or for anyone for that fucking matter. I just wanted to go home and release my emotions but you just always have to do that thing where you dig and I didn’t ask you to!”
Yeosang stopped pacing once he heard a sniffle. He turned to look at you and saw the tears running down your cheeks. Your eyes which usually held the stars were filled with hurt and sadness. Yeosang’s anger flew out the window once he realized what he had done. He took his anger out on you and didn’t mean anything he had said. You were just here and you were trying to be there for him.
“It’s fine, I’m sorry that I bring you so much pain.” You sniffled and turned on your heels, walking away. Yeosang would have gone after you but he knew this was probably for the best, he wasn’t good for you and you were way too good for him.
“Are you fucking stupid?”
“You let your fucking emotions get so out of wreck, you made the girl you been in love with for years cry and you semi-blamed her for all the things that’s been going on with you.” Yeosang looked down as his other best friend since diapers scolded him.
“Yeosang, you are a lot of things that I don’t wish to dive into but oh my god you are fucking dumbass”
“I get it.” He rolled his eyes.
“Do you? It’s been three days and you still haven’t apologized”
“I don’t know what to say and she probably has me blocked. I’m no good for her”
“Why are you deciding that for her?” Yeosang looked at him, confused.
“If you weren’t such a damn shithead, you would know Y/N is in love with you too”
“I may say some shit out of my ass sometimes but I would never lie about this. She looks at you like you are the light in her life. I swear you two have been dancing around each other since middle school, it’s annoying” Wooyoung sat down beside him. Yeosang started to think about all the times you spent together, all the memories hitting him like a tidal wave. He also couldn’t miss the way you looked at him last week, maybe he wasn’t imagining things and maybe you did feel the same as him.
“It doesn’t matter now, she probably has me blocked” He sighed and leaned his head back on the couch.
“Well you know where she lives, now get your ass over there and apologize”
“I will personally shove my foot down your throat and out your ass”
“Okay okay.” Yeosang stood up, throwing on his zip up and grabbing his keys, leaving his and Wooyoung’s apartment. As he walked to your apartment, he kept thinking if he should get you something as something to add on to his sorry. He went with his gut and stopped by a flower shop to get dandelions which were your favorite flowers and also your favorite coffee order from the cafe you always stop by before coming to his home. He made it to your apartment about 10 minutes after his stops, slowly walking up the stairs. Yeosang was nervous, he thought you might stomp on the flowers and throw the coffee in his face. You could also possibly tell him to fuck off, he just had so many scenarios going through his mind.
He slowly knocked on your door 3 times and waited for you to open it. He panicked once he heard the locks turn and you appeared in front of him.
“Yeosang? What are you doing here?”
“Depends.. Are you going to yell at me again?” You frowned.
“No, I promise.” You moved to the side to let him in. He walked in, taking off his shoes then turning around to face you as you shut the door. You turned to him and crossed your arms.
“I brought these for you.” He handed you your favorite flowers and your go to coffee order. It was a cute and thoughtful thing to do but it was going to take more than flowers and coffee to get your forgiveness.
“Thank you Sangie” You mumbled.
“Y/N,” he sighed. “I’m so sorry for what I said to you, I just let my anger and emotions towards everything build up and took it out on you”
“Did you really mean all the things you said?” You looked at him.
“So why did you explode on me like that when all I was trying to do was cheer you up?” You said with tears coming back into view. Yeosang honestly felt like complete shit. He didn’t mean to hurt you in that way and obviously didn’t mean for the way those words came out. Everything was weighing on him and because he felt like he was undeserving of a lot of things, pushing you away would be good for you.
“I.. I just thought if you were away from me, I wouldn’t be such a burden to you” He sighed and sat down on your couch, you stared at him and waited for him to continue.
“I have always been unsure of myself since I was a kid and I never had the confidence like you or Wooyoung for that matter. My parents think I’m a failure and always compared me to other kids growing up. Every time I go visit, they just tell me how dance is a waste and I must not be good since I hadn’t gotten far after high school. I think all the pressure from them, this audition, and trying to be the best version I can be for you made me explode and you didn’t deserve that.” He looked up at you. “I’m so sorry Y/N”
You could tell in his eyes, he meant that. Yeosang hasn’t always been open with you but he has never once lied to you so you knew the apology was sincere.
“Let me say this for you to kick me out.. I just feel like I should let you know before we probably stop seeing each other” He gulped and took a breath, looking in your eyes. “I love you.. More than a friend. I have since we were probably 14, I thought my crush would fade but I realized I was too deep in. I know you probably don’t feel the same especially after what I said to you but I–”
Yeosang’s eyes went wide when he felt your lips on his. He thought he was dreaming till the flowers fell on the ground and you placed the coffee on the table. His eyes fluttered shut as he kissed you back harder.
Lips making sweet sounds. Tongues poking and twisting around each other.
When you pulled away, Yeosang felt like he was in a trance. You were already so lovely to him but you looked even more beautiful than he had ever seen you.
“I love you too Sangie.. More than a friend” You giggled.
“I swear you are so oblivious to everything, even our friend group knew we liked each other.. Everyone knew before you actually”
“Am I that dense?” He pouted.
“A little but it’s cute” You both laughed.
“Does this mean you accept my apology?”
“Thought it was obvious Yeosang” You laughed again and he smiled. Now that you kissed him, he could not get enough of you. He pulled you down into his lap and you straddle him as he pressed his lips to yours. It seemed to be just a simple make out till you felt something poke you.
“Yeosang..” You mumbled against his lips.
“I-I couldn’t help it especially since you keep rocking in my lap” He chuckled. You pulled away, wrapping your arms around his neck. Yeosang just stared at you like you were just the most sacred thing he ever came across because to him you were. He pecked your lips a few times while rubbing your back. He noticed that your eyes were a bit lower than they were before and you slightly kept rolling your hips on him.
“I don’t want to” Yeosang just looked so good to you right now.. his messy blonde hair, no spot of makeup on his face, and muscles in plain sight in his black tank top. You kissed him again, exploring his mouth deeper this time. He groaned, pulling you closer if that was even possible. His hands roamed from the small of your back to the top of your ass.
“Sangie” You let out a sigh as your clothed clit rubbed against his hard on covered by his sweatpants.
“Tell me what you want Y/N” He said lightly, pushing a hand against your back for you to grind down harder.
“Should we go to your room?” You shook your head, moving back a little and pulling down his sweats and briefs just enough to let his dick come up. Yoesang hissed at the cold air but moaned when your warm hand wrapped around him. You started to pump him up and down, he was thick and a little above average in length but nothing too crazy but it was mouth watering.
“Another time” It was like he read your mind. “I just need to be inside of you pretty.. Now” You blushed at the pet name and lifted up your hips, sliding down your shorts and panties. Yeosang picked up his dick, slapping against your folds and hitting your clit a few times. You moaned at the feeling and let out a small scream when you felt one of his fingers enter you.
“Got to prep you, don’t want to hurt you baby” He thrusted his finger slowly in and out slowly that was until he started to ride this finger and he slipped in another, picking up the pace. Your moans were like music to his ears and he knew in this moment, he needed to have all of you. He felt your wetness start to drip down his fingers.
“Just for y-you” You moaned out, throwing your head back. You had plenty of dreams over the last few years of what sex would be like with Yeosang. You wondered if he would be rough or gentle with you, you were about to find out soon. He pulled out his fingers and pushed you on to the couch so you were laying on your back. He rubbed his fingers over your lips and tapped them. You opened your mouth and shoved his two fingers on your tongue, allowing you to taste yourself. You moaned at that and sucked on his fingers, looking at him straight in the eye.
“Fuck Y/N” He pulled out his fingers and dragged his dick along your lips, finally pushing in after all his teasing. You never felt so full and you loved feeling his body weight on top of you.
He starts to pick up his pace as you adjust and relax, he looks down and watches the way he pumps in and out of you, you moan at the sight before grabbing his jaw and pulling him down for a kiss.
“So tight around me, feel so perfect Y/N” He said against your lips. He opened up your legs more and plunged deeper, so deep you could feel it in your chest. You whimpered loudly at the feeling.
“So good.. harder please” He looks you in the eye as he starts to pound in you and that sets you off. The sound of skin slapping and the squelching from your slick was making your head dizzy along with Yeosang’s deep moans and groans like this was the best pussy he ever had. He starts to hit that spongy spot in you that pulls you closer to your orgasm.
“Fuck.. yes yes Sangie. I’m close, just don’t stop please” You babbled.
“Wasn’t planning on it, you feel so good” His pace picks up some more. He snakes a hand in between you and rubs your clit roughly in circles. You knew by the way you squealed and sounded so fucked out, you were not lasting long.
“Gonna come Sangie” You gripped his back and the sounds you are making puts Yeosang in a trance, he never wants you to stop sounding like that for him.
“Let go for me princess, I got you” He looked at you, pecking your lips. “You got it Y/N, come all over my dick baby” You never heard him talk like that but it makes you squirt all over his dick. He starts to chase his own high, spilling inside of you. Good thing you’re on birth control or this would have been a crazy situation.
Both of you panting and he rocks into you as you both come down from your highs. Yeosang starts to kiss all over your face and neck. You giggled at how it tickles and he smiles at you.
“You know.. You could have been a little rougher. I don’t mind” You blush as you say that.
“Are you asking for a round 2?” He raised his eyebrow. You shrugged and laughed as he stood up, picking you up as he made his way to your room.
You were in for a looong night.
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