i speak because i can

aftershock

for my SoyBean

my family is always surprised when i tell them i'm not dating  i can't tell if their surprise is  authentic or ironic either way i end up laughing  and wanting to punch them

it's not like being lonely is difficult or anything it's much easier to relate to  a cup of coffee or a cigarette than it is to relate to an actual human being 

if another person asks me  what i'm doing with my life i might join a serial-killing cult that  specializes in brutally murdering invasive assholes

i'm thinking about my favorite celebrity and drinking coffee i'm waiting for you to walk through the door so i can tell you about my useless thoughts

the only feeling i can  relate to at the moment  is the desire to melt into the floor while listening to Tame Impala

i am so bored with myself that i want to light myself on fire to remind myself that i can still feel things

i'm watching the ice melt in my coffee is this what it feels like  when people start forgetting you do you just get absorbed into something else until you stop existing completely

i was thinking yesterday about the fact that no one handwrites anything anymore

i would cherish your chicken-scratch kisses ink stain bruises on the tips of our fingers that smear when our hands touch leaving messy trails for someone else to follow i wonder what you’re doing when you’re next to me my heart is busy driving around the country of your mouth i wonder how long it will take for someone to realize that i’ve never kissed you before