Be Ready

“I have what I’m hoping is altitude sickness and not some weird form of meningitis.”

“Thought it’d be colder. I really did.”

“Oh my god, it is so hot.”

“I like it when it’s hot, but not too hot. But I also like it when it’s cold. But not too cold, because then it’s like, brrr.”

“Will you just, pause Halo for like, two seconds please?”

“Should I just do like, four scarves and no pants?”

“The female body is capable of carrying another human being inside it for nine months, but apparently, a lightweight jacket stuffed with feathers is where we draw the line.”

“You’re willing to brave that icy walk for the glory of not having to carry a jacket.”

“I have lost many a hot Amber to that walk.”

“Order a lemondrop and toast to my memory.”

“Maybe they got a tracking device in their junk.”

“You’re cold. Time to go home. Time to hibernate. Time to watch a show on TLC about a six-hundred pound woman eating herself to death.”

“Don’t let your date get cold. If you’ll notice, the body language for ‘I’m cold’, and, ‘I’m fucking pissed at you’, is the same body language.”

“Everything’s a contradiction, wrapped in a bow.”

“I’m gonna wear tight pants, but don’t you dare look at my butt.”

“I’m so cold, I’m like, sweating. I don’t know. It’s freezing hot in here.”

“I’ve been planning this fall since July. Of like, two years ago.”

“Fuck yeah. Cinnamon. Nutmeg. Cloves. Pumpkin everything!”

“Let’s go. We’re doing fall shit. We’re going apple picking.”

“Fine, I’m gonna go to the grocery store and throw apples at children.”

“Every year, the leaves change color and we lose our shit.”

“The leaves aren’t brown, they’re fucking dead! They’re dead and you’re doing crafts with their corpses you sicko!”

“Did you just eat a leaf?”

“If and when I get married, I’m getting married the day after Valentine’s Day, and my wedding theme is going to be 75% off chocolate.”

“I’ve seen your porn. I love you anyway.”

“You can’t admit you’re hungry, that’s admitting weakness.”

“Hi, we’re in a rush, because we’re entitled.”

“What text is coming in so fast you gotta hold your hand over your phone, OK Corral-style?”

“I couldn’t dress like a nineteen-year-old lesbian Hot Topic manager.”

“That is a cow pattern, straight up. It’s got the black splotches. I’m gonna look like a model for Gateway printers, I’m not wearing that.”

“We don’t gotta go to no fancy restaurant, I brought a hot plate.”

“I don’t need a can opener, I got this shit.”

“He has really nice eyes. I wonder what they look like in a jar.”

“You need to RAAAAAAAGE!”

“Go to the door guy. Ask him if he has drugs. Do not specify. See what he comes up with.”

“Jump up on that table. Start dancing. There is no music. I will provide the music. La lalala la lala laaaaaa.”

“Run into that CVS. Find the dairy isle. Grab some whipped cream. Do some whippins. It might kill you. It’s fucking worth it.”

“Go outside. Take a picture. Put it on Instagram. Take it down ten minutes later because, oops! We can see your nipple.”

“A relationship? No, I just wanna fuck in perpetuity until you tire of me.”

“It was sexual rejection, in like, the weirdest form.”

“I don’t even know how I got in my house. I just ended up there.”

“I stood by open French windows for ten minutes waiting for bluebirds to come and undress me.”

“Why are there holes in your clothes? Because tears corrode.”

“Hey, had a great time tonight. I would’ve loved to kiss you, but I have to be up early.”

“I don’t even know how to answer that like a human.”

“Tonight, we strike.”

“You put time and effort into dating me, and I will return that time and effort, plus interest, in the breakup.”

“You can’t get wool wet, you’ll smell like a dirty sheep and no one is going to miss you.”

“You don’t even watch Breaking Bad, how are we supposed to be together?”

“Aaaaw! You didn’t tell me you were going to kill it!”

“Thanks old pal.”

“You must think I’m stupid.”

“I’ll hold it steady.“

“This time you can trust me. Here’s a signed document.”

“I guess if you have a signed document in your possession, you can’t go wrong.”

“Peculiar thing about this document, it was never notarized.”

“Dear Great Pumpkin, I’m looking forward to your arrival on Halloween. I hope you bring lots of presents.”

“Who are you writing to?”

“On Halloween night, the Great Pumpkin rises out of his pumpkin patch and flies through the air with his bag of toys for all the children.”

“You must be crazy! When will you stop believing in things that aren’t true?”

“You make me the laughing stock of the whole neighborhood!”

“You better cut that out or I’ll pound you!”

“There are three things I’ve learned never to discuss with people: Religion, politics, and the Great Pumpkin.”

“Everyone tells me you’re fake, but I believe in you.”

“If you really are fake, don’t tell me. I don’t want to know.”

“I’d rather not say. You might laugh.”

“You say the cutest things.”

“Would you like to sit in a pumpkin patch with me on Halloween night and wait for the Great Pumpkin?”

“What are you trying to do to my little sister?”

“Hey, I got an invitation to a Halloween party!”

“It’s the first time I’ve been invited to a party.”

“If you got an invite, it was a mistake. There were two lists: one to invite, and one to not invite. You must have been put on the wrong list.”

“A person should always choose a costume that is in direct contrast to their personality.”

“Do I get to go trick-or-treating this year?”

“All you do is walk up to a house, ring the doorbell, and say ‘trick or treat’.”

“Are you sure that’s legal?”

“I had a little trouble with the scissors.”

“They’ll never guess it’s me under here!”

“What kind of costume is that?”

“You have to come sing pumpkin carols!”

“Can I have an extra piece of candy for my stupid brother?”

“I got five pieces of candy!”

“I got a chocolate bar!”

“I got a quarter!”

“I got a rock.”

“I got robbed!”

“Halloween is over and I missed it!”

“You’ve heard about the fury of a woman scorned, haven’t you? Well that’s nothing compared to the fury of a woman who has been cheated out of tricks-or-treats.”

Pst. Hey you. You like Borderlands? You like sirens? How about Sirens that were identical twins before the Calypsos showed up? Then I’ve got a treat for you.

Shy’s back again with more returning muses, Alesha and Shamra Nagi. Give this post a like or reblog if you’d be interested in interacting.

Indie, multiverse, multiship, multimuse, multi-multi

OC and crossover friendly

Private/semi-selective

BL3 spoilers tagged

Pst. Hey you. You like Borderlands? You like sirens? How about Sirens that were identical twins before the Calypsos showed up? Then I’ve got a treat for you.

Shy’s back again with more returning muses, Alesha and Shamra Nagi. Give this post a like or reblog if you’d be interested in interacting.

Indie, multiverse, multiship, multimuse, multi-multi

OC and crossover friendly

Private/semi-selective

BL3 spoilers tagged

Pst. Hey you. You like Borderlands? You like sirens? How about Sirens that were identical twins before the Calypsos showed up? Then I’ve got a treat for you.

Shy’s back again with more returning muses, Alesha and Shamra Nagi. Give this post a like or reblog if you’d be interested in interacting.

Indie, multiverse, multiship, multimuse, multi-multi

OC and crossover friendly

Private/semi-selective

BL3 spoilers tagged