Lately I’ve been thinking.
I was watching a TV show, a lead female character re-met her rapist from more than 10 yrs previous. She held her husband back from speaking to the man, she didn’t want a scene. I then found myself explaining many facets of the way she acted to my SO, Her resistance to talk about it, then needing to talk about it, the depressive state she entered, the oily feeling she was experiencing that no shower washes away..
I then realized that of my own incidents at the first one, I did not hold back when I told people, I told my friends and I told his friends, I was naive enough to believe that that could end well. I lost alot all of those friends, the ones that I didn’t held ties to him like nothing ever happened, I had to see him, and with pushing from friends and manipulation from him. I suffered. When I subsequently experienced other instances, I told no one. I stuffed it down deep and kept it to myself. “This is what telling people gets you”, I told myself, “hurt”
I’ve found better friends since, I’ve found ones that listen, Theres no advice to be had here, Its a shit situation, its worse without support. I may be jaded, I am jaded, against seeking support.
But to anyone else out there, build a support. FUCK those who won’t support you, they don’t deserve you, do not let them define your situation. You have every right in the world to shut out that toxicity. You are loved. I am here, others like me are here, you have support. If you don’t find it at first keep going.
yousharknotpass
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