pretending to be adult

Planted up my first herbs in my herb planter outside my half built roundhouse. I can't wait for cooking on the slate topped stove I'm building and nipping out the front door for herbs to throw straight into the pot ❤️❤️🌱 on a side note, isn't it lovely weather for a quarantine ☀️ getting so much washing dry #springclean https://ift.tt/2Jbju1M

Chris and I made our own cotton facemasks. Don't know if they actually do much to help but they're comfy and reassuring. I've made them so there open at one edge to add more filter layers to. If anyone else would like some, I can sew them to order. Heck knows, I've got nothing else to do right now! Message me if you'd like a couple X #facemasks #wirral #reusable https://ift.tt/39leli1

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Happy Mother's Day to this wonderful bonkers lady who doesn't have any social media and almost definitely won't see this but I miss her and am sad I can't cuddle her today but we're being sensible, especially cos she works in hospitals. 🥰🌹🌷🌸🌼🌻 https://ift.tt/33H99Uz

So Chris called me a "smug cunt" and has stormed off for a cigarette 😂😂😂 #saturdaymood https://ift.tt/3cSAwiG

Heheh it says boobs 🙈🙈 https://ift.tt/2Tbuody

I bought a tool called a pallet smasher (or something like that) today and I broke up a massive pallet in like, 10 minutes and it made me feel very powerful. I also spoke to lots of strangers today on my pallet hunting quest, which is really good for me! Normally I'll do anything to avoid talking to strangers. I made more shingles than I've put up today but the hail was getting a bit heavy to carry on. Looking forward to having the roof finished in the relative soon! https://ift.tt/391geBf

I'm really, really not a perfectionist. I love it though 🏚️🏚️ #roundhouse #roundhouseproject https://ift.tt/38TkcMo

Two pillowcases full of clay hanging to dry! These things are insanely heavy to hoist 7 foot up a fence 💪🏋️‍♀️ #roundhouse https://ift.tt/31LnX3J

Roundhouse progress! #stormciara didn't do too much damage, the arch had fallen to about 45 degrees so I've re-enforced it, other than that it survived! Added another three bottles worth of wattle to it, had fun trying to untangle three separate reels of it in the wind though! I was so excited to get to the plot I actually got out of bed by 9.15, which feels significant! Feels good to be excited and slightly obsessed with something again, I feel much more like myself. Is nice. https://ift.tt/2upgmvx

Nothing says "mentally ill" like having to go to Asda at 10pm because you suddenly can't bear to touch your bedsheets and need new smooth ones. I think it's because of my eczema that I can get overwhelmed with texture and it makes me panic. I'm not sure anyone really believes me but sometimes I can't stand to get dressed or have to wear clothes inside out because of the feel of the fabric or the seams. It can make me panic and cry and most of the time go back to bed, because it's soft and smooth and safe. Eczema is commonly seen as just itchy red skin but it's so much more. It makes getting dressed a fight. It makes getting a bath or shower something you really have to psyche yourself up for. Today I nearly got up several times, got a bath, put all my creams on, scratched my creams back off and went back to bed. I only got up in time for dance in the evening. All I can think is "I've had enough" (and much worse thoughts) but I'm running out of different remedies to try. For now it's painkillers, avoiding dairy, trying not to think and binging Silent Witness. I don't feel mentally strong enough to force myself to do anything, there's currently very little I'd rather do than just stay in bed. I had a microwave meal, tidied my room and put a wash on this evening after class so that's something. I also think I accidentally took a double dose of my medicine this morning as I couldn't remember if I'd already taken it or not but ho-hum. Still alive. I don't know where to go from here. https://ift.tt/381Nvf9

Been waiting 40 minutes for the second half of Part 2 to start due to a technical difficulty and the suspense is very, very heightened. As is the temperature, and the humid smell of warm, tired humans. #cursedchild https://ift.tt/2TROLgK

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaassss I am so excited, Chris is so excited, every person here is so excited and we're very very high up and it's terrifying and I'm so excited 👓⚡🦉 https://ift.tt/2GlKZEv

*Honesty Warning* I've been really rather quiet this past year because I've had depression that's hit me like a train on a loop, and my self confidence has gone from moderately-obnoxious to can-barely-look-myself-in-the-eye. I've been on meds for a few months now and am getting little moments of being proud of myself again but I still don't feel at all like myself or what I envisioned myself being. Importantly though, I'm still working on my hobbies. Whereas I had lost pretty much all passion for anything, I'm now starting to feel it for dance again, and I'm enjoying painting occasionally. I really enjoyed crafting Christmas presents on the run up to Christmas and felt some of my creativity claiming me again. I have absolutely zero passion or energy for work at the moment, which is a massive source of stress. I hate when I see I have an email on my phone. There's just no way to switch off. I know disenchantment is normal in a job but it's so much harder when you run your own business. I just can't take time away. I had been looking forward to 2 weeks off for Christmas but with certain bits of life happening I just felt less and less relaxed, and I was stressing because I wasn't relaxing, and just making everything worse. The house is quite a bit of a shit-tip, I can't sleep most nights because of my eczema and nightmares and I'll really struggling to eat enough. However I'm still myself, as sanguine as ever and lucky to have good friends, supportive family and a small enough circle that I feel I can be honest on social media. Recently I've noticed I'm feeling a little more desire to sort my shit out every day, and one day soon I might actually act on it. Still, is 11am and like every day this week, I'm still not out of bed. I got to get up and pack for London tomorrow though! Really looking forward to having a lovely few days away with Chris and going to see Cursed Child. I guess I wrote this because I'm fed up of hiding my reality. There's so much pressure on Instagram to show off your perfect life and I've felt so imperfect I've barely posted in a year. So here, enjoy my bedhead, and hideously dry, frowny skin, and Spinkley, my emotional support Penguin. https://ift.tt/2TRhty8

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We're being really cute and filling in our @vision2020diary (s) together and it's very exciting 😁😁🤓🤓 This is going to be a very organised and focused year! https://ift.tt/2QvVD04

Haven't shared a selfie in forever because my skins so bad I haven't felt very pretty but I just wanted to share my new dressing gown with you all because it's very important 🦌🦌🦌 https://ift.tt/38SUZlA