Benji Ovich Nation

How at first he sees himself as an insurance policy for Kevin— a boy with so much potential given every opportunity to succeed that’s all squandered by his own despicable actions and a mentality of invincibility the community and club allowed him to believe.

How Benji’s worth is tied to how well he protects his best friend on the ice and how it allows the town to look the other way at his own self-destructive actions.

And how everything shifts with Alicia, a little girl with so much potential given nothing but obstacles to hurdle over to become successful.

No longer an insurance policy, but perhaps a mentor, a big brother, still a protector. Always a protector. How she demands nothing of him but he gives her everything. How he can tell Alicia the truth even tho she’s 7 years old. He can help her be better than this town. How maybe she makes him want to be better.

Words?

This hurts too much.

I’ve been trying to put into words how I feel about this book — and I've repeatedly failed. I thought that maybe it was because I was too infatuated with it to be able to write anything cohesive, or because I hadn't given it enough time.

Well, three years have passed since I first picked it up and I still can't. I talked to my psychologist about it. And, when I showed her excerpts — mainly about one particular character— she said that it could be because it reflected the story of my life.

While I still haven't found the words to talk about some parts of this book, its reflections on society, community, values, and culture are some of the most precise I've seen. As the newspapers flood on with news —one disaster greater than the other — I can't help but go back to these quotes.

Because every single character is human. They are neither good nor bad. Even the villains have these moments where we see the scared kids they really are under all it. Even the heroes have moments where their selfishness and stupidity gets the better of them.

"She won't succeed." "It won't be enough." "He will be too late."

But what gets me is how the story also so obviously cares. Cares about the people, about the events that went down, and it knows that the outcome can't be changed but it wishes so damn hard it could be.

"Obviously we still hoped. Dear god, how we hoped." "The people in this town who loved him. There were so many of us."