Welcome to the Bean Scene!

My drunk ass had actually walked home without them, pounded on my apartment door, gotten let in by my rightfully-disgruntled roommate, and proceeded to pass out on the couch.  Apparently I puked in the toilet before passing out.  I do not remember this part.

The next morning, I schlepped back to the frat house.  I stood there, right in front of the front door.  This was a novel experience for me.  I’d never been at a frat house in broad daylight before.

A boy, presumably, of the house, asked me what I was doing. 

“I lost my keys in here last night,” I called back.  “I was seeing if I could go in and look for them?”

He opened the door and gestured for me to come in.

“Go wherever you want.”

I’d never seen a frat house post-party before.  Wandering up the stairs and through the halls, I was surrounded by hungover and still-drunk frat boys stumbling around in their socks and sandals and gym shorts, seeking out food and showers like moths to a porch light.  A few of them threw puzzled glances my way.  I’m sure they thought I was some post-bacchanalia hallucination.

I entered one room where a boy was drunkenly watching some Old Yeller-esque movie on a tiny TV in the corner of his room from his bed.

“Do you like dog movies?” he asked, voice all mumbly from grogginess and also from the fact that his face was squished against his pillow and half-buried by his blanket.

I told him I did.

He mumbled again, pleased, and asked what I was doing.  I told him I was looking for my keys.

“Sorry, I haven’t seen any keys around here.”

I didn’t doubt him.

Twenty minutes had passed.  I’d searched just about every bedroom and nuclear-waste-dump-site of a bathroom in that house.  I’d given up on ever finding my keys and was prepared to beg my roommates’ forgiveness and get a new set copied.

As I stood there in the hallway, silently bewailing my predicament, a particularly-burly frat boy approached me.

“You need help with something?”

“I lost my keys here last night and I can’t find them, I’ve looked everywhere.”

“What do they look like?  I’ll put it into the group chat.”  He was already pulling out his phone.

No one ever checks a group chat, I thought, but what the hell.  It was worth a shot.  “Um, it’s just a ring of keys.  The keychain is a pink plastic cat, though, like yea big.  Like bright pink, you can’t miss it.”

He nodded, presumably typing this description faithfully into the group chat.

“Alright, I sent the message out.  Good luck.”

And with that, he turned and left.

A few moments later, I heard a distant thundering.  It was coming from upstairs, and it was getting louder and louder.  One assumes that how I felt in that moment was how Simba felt seeing the wildebeest stampede through the ravine as a horde of large young men all thundered down the stairs, making a beeling for me.

“Someone tell the girl!” One of them shouted, faceless in the mob.  “Girl!  Hey, GIRL!!!  We found your keys, girl!!!”

They circled around me.  I hadn’t felt that small since I was maybe eleven years old.  One of them split himself off from the crowd.

“Are these -” he pulled out a ring of keys from his pocket, “your keys?”

And lo, there was the distinctive bright millennial pink cat keychain dangling off the ring.

“Yes,” I whispered.  “Oh my god, yes.”

“EYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!”

The cheer went up.

we (the camp leaders) found the most efficient way to do so was to blast music from a tinny little speaker one of us owned.

so before the sun itself has risen, we’re walking down a corridor with 8+ rooms filled with 6 or more boys in each, blasting the one and only Let It Go from Frozen, hoping to wake a few students, preparing for hateful commentary.

instead, what we got was the thumps and shouts of boys excitedly leaping from bunk beds, stuffing on shirts and bursting into the corridor to scream the lyrics to Let It Go.

every.single.boy.did this.

Growing up with your starters

Bulbasaur: Somehow, nomming on my clothes… has become a weird habit of theirs.

Venusaur: That hasn’t changed now that they’ve grown, but they’re very gentle.

Charmander: It’s my first attempt, but I made a plushie so that he wouldn’t get lonely.

Charizard: That plushie seems to be his favorite even now.

Squirtle: Squirtle’s a bit timid and hides behind me at the smallest things.

I BET NONE OF YOU CAN DO IT.

Thread with petitions on Twitter:

Ink: ? And that is?

Y/n: At the end of this year, we are not screaming “Happy New Year!” we’re screaming “JUMANJI!” to get out of this hell hole.

Ink:

Ask, ask, ask! Send me a # 

1. What was the name of the first person you ever had a crush on? Why did you like them?

2. What is one thing you regret having done or not done in your life?

3. Which parent do you identify with the most?

4. What do you think you cook or bake the best?

5. If you could change your first name what would it be?

6. Can you hula hoop?

7. What embarrasses you the most in front of other people?

8. Have you considered running for president?

9. If you had to choose one thing you were most passionate about, what would it be and why?

10. Who are you most envious of—real or fictional—and why?

11. Where is the most beautiful place on earth and why?

12. Are ghosts real?

13. Are aliens real?

14. How old is the most expired item in your fridge?

15. What are your favorite style of underwear?

16. What’s the saddest song you’ve ever heard?

17. How about the sweetest song?

18. Do you know how to play dominoes?

19. What’s under your bed?

20. Have you ever prank called someone?

21. 100 kittens or 3 baby sloths?

22. Are you proud of what you’re doing with your heart and time right now?

23. Why or why not?

24. How many bones have you broken?

25. Have you ever won anything? Big or small?

26. If you could buy one material thing, and money was not an issue, what would it be?

27. What’s your favorite movie from your childhood?

28. What food will you absolutely not, under any circumstances, eat?

29. What’s the best way to comfort you when you’re having a really terrible day?

30. Has anything/anyone every saved your life before?

31. Would you ever adopt a child?

32. What is one thing you’re embarrassed to admit you want to try?

33. If you were a cake which cake would you be?

34. What is the most important material possession you have and why?

35. What is the most important memory you have and why?

36. When was the last time you cried?

37. How old was your mother when she had you?

38. Which famous person would you like to be BFFs with?

39. Is there something you wish you had said sorry for but never did?

AKDJAKX I HAD TO LOOK UP WHAT THAT IS AND??? HONESTLY????? IT SOUNDS LIKE IT YEAH DJSHHX