“It’s one you’ve never actually used, It’s as good a new one.” He reached out to pat Leelocke’s knees but pulled back. “You’ll split to Lee and Locke again then. If you’re happier that way.” And if they couldn’t do it own their own, well an Omega level healer, even a failure of one like he was could help with that.
He wanted to protest that it wasn’t the same, what Lee had down was better somehow. But it wasn’t, and they both knew it. “I’m glad you protected each other. i’m glad you had each other.” He couldn’t imagine going through what they had, never mind alone.
He put his gloved hand over his cheek, blocking Leelocke’s finger. “Did what? Show you the kind of monster I really am? I’m glad they’re dead. They hurt you. They killed countless kids like us. And now they can’t hurt anyone.”
Leelocke huffed, puffing his cheeks out before scowling. “You’re not a monster!” he practically vibrated in his seat, tucking his knee’s underneath himself as he leaned into Josh. “And you’re not gonna say it anymore.” If Warlock was banned from saying it around him, then so was Josh.
“Don’t you get tired of being so…so awful to yourself?” He asked. “Punishing yourself for taking out actual monsters?”
“You’re so smart, but you’re so stupid.” Leelocke had no filter, nothing telling him that maybe Josh didn’t want to hear this. “You-” He pointed a finger at him. “Are going to be amazing. But you’re only gonna be that if you stop thinking you’re a monster.”
“You don’t know everything I’ve done!” He protested as he leaned back over the arm of the couch. “But if you want, I won’t say it anymore.” It wouldn’t be any less true, even if he didn’t say it.
Josh gave Leelocke a sad smile, why shouldn’t he be punished for the things he had done. “No one else will.”
“I’m not smart.” The words came out of his mouth automatically. He wasn’t, not really. Not like David had been. His eyes watched that the finger didn’t get too close. “And I’m not… I’d just fuck things up. I always do.”
“You’re infuriating.” He huffed finally. “Even worse, you’re going to agree with me-us.” Leelocke frowned. “Just me.” He added under his breath as he glanced at his own knee’s.
Finally he gave up and leaned against him, forgetting about Josh’s need for space. The room filled with silence that seem to stretch as the minutes ticked on.
“...Rusty’s avoiding me.” He said, staring down at his knee’s before poking at a loose thread. “He was busy with classes when I-we came out of the medbay. Hasn’t spoken to me since I got here.”
