Just us and the music.

Again.

Where the fuck do I even begin?

It's just the same bullshit as before. Too much focus on fantasy, and barely any on real life. I understand why, it's definitely easier and I wish things were as easy as they are in my head, trust me, but that's not real life...

... Or at least not YET.

I know what kind of life I want for myself, and it's DEFINITELY NOT the one that I'm living right now. I feel like I don't deserve it. It's always been shit, after shit, after shit, then, just when I see some brightness in my life, bam. Shit just becomes worse than before. This is not what I want. I wanna love. I wanna help. I want everyone and everything to be free, to be happy. Who doesn't, right?

I guess I ain't special... And I guess that's kinda selfish of me to think this way.

I know that I ain't perfect but... Jesus fucking Christ this is sad and fucking cringe at the same time. I fucking hate this.

I hate complaining about my life when there's literally THOUSANDS of people (if not more) with no water, food or even a roof over their heads. I'm pathetic, a fucking wreck.

I know what my life isn't that bad and that there's people suffering a shit ton more than me (if you can even call this shit that I'm feeling "suffering"... holy shit I'm pathetic).

I hate myself. I should be proud of what I have and have gotten so far, but nooo, instead I cry about it and decide to write it to (probably) post it somewhere on the internet, which is something that I still haven't figured out why I do it. Is it for attention? To find someone going through something similar? I don't know...

WAIT! THERE IT IS! I'M FUCKING OVERTHINKING AGAIN. WHY?

God, I want this to stop so bad. This has been on my head since I can remember.

I remember being a kid and already starting to think about my future and what I'd do, and look like. It's safe to say that I'm completely, and utterly disappointed in myself and, even though I know that, I never moved a muscle to, AT LEAST, try to fix that.

Demotivation.

OVERTHINKING.

Loneliness.

OVERTHINKING.

Depression.

OVERTHINKING.

Hopelessness.

OVERTHINKING.

Extremely Low Self-esteem.

OVERTHINKING.

But am I overthinking, or is it true?

I don't know.

I DON'T KNOW.

This is not the life that I want.

This is not the life that I think that I deserve.

I didn't choose this life.

I want better.

I deserve better.

I want to turn everything in my dreams into reality.

They say that I can do it.

They say that I can't do it.

I guess I won't do it.

(WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING DO IT?)

Yeah... I guess it's not worth it.

(YOU'RE KIDDING ME? IT IS WORTH IT. FUCKING DO IT.)

That's it, I ain't gonna do it. Why even try if it wouldn't even happen? Right?

(NO! STOP! GO AHEAD! DO IT! DO IT! DO IT! IT IS GOING TO HAPPEN! I PROMISE! YOU JUST GOT TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF. DO IT!)

OVERTHINKING

OVERTHINKING

OVERTHINKING

I'M SLOWLY KILLING MYSELF

OVERTHINKING

OVERTHINKING