We Scream, We Shout

"That went well."

"I hope you're happy now."

"Brilliant."

"Do you ever use your brain, or do you just think those five pounds are a built in workout for your neck muscles?"

"Remind me why I should care."

"Oh, gosh, you've insulted me! What ever shall I do? I'll be mentally and emotionally scared for years!"

"This is your bright idea?"

"Wow, you are just so incredibly funny."

"You keep on telling yourself that, sweetheart."

"Whose idea of a fun time is this?"

"Careful, keep having that much fun and it might actually start being good for your health."

"Yes, because your well-being is definitely my number one concern."

"I'll lose sleep over that. Definitely."

"Oh, no. Whatever shall we do? It's dark and we live in the 21st century!"

"Are you even old enough to be here?"

"What did I tell you about coming here? You're too young."

"Age is but a number."

"Will you just drop my age and go on one measly date?"

"If I was just a few years older, I'd marry you."

"You can't tell anyone about this."

"You're too young for me."

"You're too old for me."

"Hey, I'm over 18. It's perfectly legal."

"My feelings for you mean more to me than your age."

"Ask me again when you're done with high school/college."

"I'm old enough to be your mother/father--okay, maybe not THAT old, but still!"

"This isn't a lifetime movie, I could get into some serious trouble."

"I didn't know you were that young!"

"So I may have lied a bit about my age.."

"This never happened."

"You're not being professional."

"I'm not a kid, you know. Stop treating me like one."

"So you like older men/women, huh?"

"Go home, your parents are probably wondering where you are."

"I'm a lot more mature than you think."

"I don't know if I can handle this."

[text] I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.

[text] on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left

[text] just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart

[text] I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart

[text] This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?

[text] o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket

[text] Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.

[text] Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from

[text] I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.

[text] He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.

[text] After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment

[text] So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.

[text] Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay

[text] Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.

[text] You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.

[text] I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?

[text] Get out of your relationship and into my pants.

[text] I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.

[text] You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!

[text] This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.

[text] I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.

[text] The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"

[text] I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!

[text] I think i sorta joined a cult last night

[text] I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet

[text] At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."

[text] Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.

[text] Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.

[text] Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.

[text] Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.