Tumblr's Amish Race

Are you a God-fearing Amish woman who seeks to show the world that hard work and having no dealings with modern technology? Do you want to do your extremely large family proud? Does the term “Ordnung” make your covered head tingle with joy of work? Then Tumblr’s Amish Race may be the platform for you to tremble in fear of the steady march of human technological progress while also proving to your fellow Amish just how strong-willed and thick-boned you are.

In a hand written letter (or comparable piece of letterhead either dictated or carved), send in a list of reasons why you think you have what it takes to out pray, out work, and out churn 6 other Amish women of God for absolutely no prize because we are all children of God and should share equally in His bounty.

In your submission, please include the following:

Your God-given name, bestowed upon you at birth by your mother and father Your best prayer that honors our Father on high A descriptive paragraph of how you churn your butter to achieve the smoothest, creamiest dairy product A sketched picture of your crops A selfie or a painting of yourself painted by the oldest living member of our family because technology is the devil’s work A list of your strongest attributes (including but not limited to praying, child birthing, churning butter, welcoming in the harvest, cowering in fear of the unknown) A lipsync performance to your favorite Anabaptist hymnal of your choice filmed in a single take A shadow performance of your favorite farming practice A letter of repentance to our holy Father in regards to a time when you allowed yourself to become vulnerable Remember, this is a challenge to prove to Heaven above that you are the holiest of all. If you are eliminated, you will be banished from your community on your return, as you have shamed your family. You must be ready to bear the weight of your work ethic for several weeks. Please be sure to understand the postal system, as we do not accept mail on the Day of Prayer, Sunday.

Submissions will be due Saturday, September 19th in the year of Our Lord 2015.