Sammy's World

It’s okay to be broken. It’s okay to surrender. Plant new seeds, water the grass, this place is yours, it will be beautiful once again.

I want to be known as carefree and gentle, kind and loving, warm and vibrant, soft and strong, quiet yet firm, graceful and elegant, adventurous and intriguing. But instead I am careful and sensitive, too kind yet too inconsiderate, cold and dull, soft yet weak, too quiet and too loud, gawky and clumsy, afraid and panic stricken. I am constantly at war with this person I am, trying to rip away my shell and build something new. But in the process, I am only damaging my soul, creating cracks in the person I am. And it scares me, how I do not know how someone so damaged, so incomplete, could ever be close to something great.

I wish I could be more.

This mental illness is very odd. One day, waves are crashing against my skull sending it shaking, and the next, the sun is shining and everything is clear and calm.

I've got my suicide date set for tonight and I'm going to do it but I'm really scared and I'm worrying about my family, my girlfriend and what's going to happen when I hit the floor. How can I prepare for it?