I’ve compiled a list of some of the things I’ve dealt with in my own experience with abuse and I’d like people to share it around. I’m using articles from various websites and I will link each quote to their source
Emotional Roller Coaster: One minute your significant other is loving and the next, punishing you for not doing things correctly. This is a major red flag. Manipulation plays a huge role in most abusive relationships. This constant emotional roller coaster ride of arguments and apologies is definitely unhealthy and a sign it’s time to walk away. [x]
Isolation: It’s one thing for your spouse to love spending quality time with you but when the person you’re with starts isolating you from family and friends, there’s a problem. It’s healthy for you to have relationships outside of the relationship with your significant other. Don’t let them tell you otherwise. [x]
Jealousy: An emotionally abusive partner or spouse isn’t just jealous of the people you’re closest with but also your dreams and goals because they want to control all aspects of your life. A secure person doesn’t need to be jealous of the relationship you have with others because they trust you and the relationship you’ve created together. [x]
Argument Escalation: Occasional arguments are not uncommon in relationships, and are not always unhealthy but arguments in emotionally abusive relationships are. These arguments tend to escalate quickly and have no end point. [x]
Self Blame: After all the arguments and put downs, you start believing that you’re not worth any more than the abuse. This is simply a manipulation tactic and a way to justify the abuse. You’re not crazy or the problem. You’re worth so much more. [x]
Threats: Some will threaten to leave you – and blame that choice on you. Some will threaten to hurt or even kill themselves – and blame that choice on you.These are classic behaviors of abusers because they exhibit different expressions of one of their core traits: taking no responsibility for their own choices while wholly putting the blame of their own pain or misfortune on the abused. [x]
Shame: You feel guilt when you’ve done something bad. You feel shame when you feel that you “are” bad.An abusive partner will find multiple opportunities to point out what you are doing wrong – as a way to gain a sense of power over you. Can you name 3 or 4 things your partner has rebuked you for over the last week? That would be a red flag.Worse still is how an emotional abuser will create a sense of “shame” in you – that vague sense that you are not worthy, neither of respect nor love – nor them. [x]
Guilt-trips: If you constantly feel guilty in your relationship, but you don’t really know why, it might be because your partner is encouraging you to feel that way. Does your partner always claim that everything’s your fault? Are they incapable of taking responsibility for their words and actions toward you and others? Do you feel bad when you spend time with your friends and family? If you answered, “yes” to ANY one of these questions, then your partner is probably habitually guilt-tripping you. Don’t fall for it. [x]
Care or control? Pay attention to that gap between how much they want to communicate when you are around and their texting, calling and checking up on you when you – or they – are away.Similarly, beware of angry or emotional signs of “jealousy” when you talk to a person of the opposite sex or someone shows up on your Facebook page.This is not jealousy driven by care, but jealousy driven by control. An emotional abuser will make you feel guilty or evil or shameful for simple, innocent interactions with others. [x]
“But we had a good day yesterday”: Emotional abuse is about control. And part of control is to keep you “off-center”. So most abusers offer crumbs of love or approval or compliments or buy you gifts in order to keep you in their circle of influence or under their thumb. It is important not to mistake these crumbs that mimic affection for actual affection, which is evidenced by consistent behavior, not occasional blips or gifts. Note: most emotional abusers will strategically create these momentary islands of feeling good to keep you hooked. They will surprise you with a meal or a piece of jewelry or a sudden compliment or getaway. They will overdo their apologies when they feel as if their mask will fall away and reveal the cruel abuser beneath. This keeps the victim clutching onto the hope that “things will change” and the love they so dearly hope for will finally arrive and stay, once and for all. [x]
Feeling Timid: Nothing’s wrong with wanting to keep your significant other happy but when you find yourself pleading for their happiness, there’s an issue. You may even find yourself staying silent even when you’re angry just to keep the peace. [x]
Ten more important things to look out for [x]
They try to control the finances and how you spend money.
They belittle and trivialize you, your accomplishments, or your hopes and dreams.
They try to make you feel as though they are always right, and you are wrong.
They give you disapproving or contemptuous looks or body language.
They regularly point out your flaws, mistakes, or shortcomings.
They have an inability to laugh at themselves and can’t tolerate others laughing at them.
They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and have difficulty apologizing.
The repeatedly cross your boundaries and ignore your requests.
They blame you for their problems, life difficulties, or unhappiness.
They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather than taking personal responsibility.
http://www.vixendaily.com/love/signs-of-emotional-abuse-relationship/
http://liveboldandbloom.com/11/relationships/signs-of-emotional-abuse
http://www.beliefnet.com/wellness/galleries/9-signs-you-are-in-an-emotionally-abusive-relationship.aspx
https://www.gosmartlife.com/emotional-abuse-test
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