I miss my best friend. I miss your smile. I miss your green n brown eyes, how they changed colors in the sunlight. I miss doing makeup on the floor with a mirror big enough for both of us. I miss late night walks to camp union or one of the parks. I miss random drives to McDonalds because their sweet tea was the closest to decent sweet tea. I miss you talking me into getting our nails done cuz i was too afraid to go alone. I still dont go alone. You always accepted me when nobody did. When i was getting excluded from the group, you would take me away and we would have our own adventure. You were the only one that would sit for hours while i tried to tell you a 20-part-story and actually engage with me. We always interrupted eachother but always knew what eachother were talking about anyway. I swear we talked telepathically all the time. People said you weren't a good friend to me, but they didnt know shit. You have always been the only person to constantly reach out to me and want to hang out, and accept me for how i am, no judgment, nothing. You were lookout when i would constantly puke because i smoked wrong or too much or just went through a phase where i was always puking. You would scream at people in my honor when they asked what the fuck was wrong with me. When people asked "what the fuck is wrong with your face" you asked them what the fuck was wrong with theirs before I could even think of a response. Youve cussed out my exs and threatened everything under the sun when i would try to defend them, because you knew what was going on as hard as i tried to hide it. You taught me how to get over my social anxiety, by bridging conversations and including me in every group and making sure i didnt make some lame excuse to run away. Most of the friends i had were because of you. None of them talk to me, throughout the years you really have been the only constant thing in my life and now you could be gone any fucking day. You were always strong for me when i couldnt be or didnt know how to be. I wish you would let me help you. I wish you would be strong for yourself. I love you to the ends of the god damn earth I wish you would let me help you. I want my heterosexual life mate back. I fucking hate that you do this to yourself, and I know you hate it too. You mean the fuckin world to me, I would go to the ends of the world for you. I would give years of my life away to give you your life back. You think you understand, but you dont. You know ive never been one to cry, no matter what I got put through, and youre the only one who knows everysinglething i went through. Thinking of what youre going through and what you must be putting yourself through makes me cry my eyes out. You make me want to die so i dont have to go to your funeral.