It's okay

1. I don't owe anyone anything - I don't have to get a degree, I don't have to dress nice, to wash my hair, to attend parties or talk when I don't feel like it. All I do, I do for myself.

2. No one has a right to disrespect me - not ever. I doesn't matter how wiser/older/more intelligent or experienced you are - it doesn't make you any sort of a better kind of being than me, than an inexperienced and naive child. If you don't respect me, I won't respect you. This also concerns lecturers at the university.

3. If this person isn't my child, I'm not responsible for what they're doing - If someone I love hurts, even kills her/himself this is not my fault at all. It wasn't my duty to stop them!! If didn't encourage them to do it, didn't do anything so bad to them that this would mess up  their mind, and if I showed them my support - then I am not responsible for anything at all. And the truth is that there was nothing more I could do and I have to get over it.

4. How I behave towards my younger siblings is much more important than I thought before.

No, not because I'm weak. It's just that when I was with you it all didn't seems pointless, time spent with you was REALLY meaningful. I felt that I'm finally actually LIVING my life, instead of just being alive, which is great also but that's not IT. Now it's better, I'm much more sane but... when I'm not busy with anything, I can feel this emptiness, this sad truth that this all that I've achieved means NOTHING. I mean, I would rather be happy with you (in general, I don't mind some occasional crisis) that get a Nobel Prize! This is it. So it's not weakness, it's the longing to experience living fully, which is a completely natural thing. This actually makes me strong, capable of surviving whatever happens on the way to this. I'm sure I'll always love you. So if I won't feel something at least as strong towards someone else, I will never feel that wonderful way again. That's why I'm so scared when I think of my future besides it's aspect that have to do with my studies or work. Ah :/.