no rest for the wicked

“You left her there. She gave you everything, and you took your hint of guilt and left behind a goodbye and a broken girl. And maybe it didn’t hit you at first. Sure, you slept while she stayed up. Your pillows didn’t stain with tears. Your showers didn’t end in sobs. Your stomach didn’t cave in every morning, your heart didn’t ache every breathe. But maybe you run into her months down the line. Maybe you hear of her new love, the news spilling across the floor like a new stain on the carpet she used to tread on. Maybe you meet her in a coffee shop, and she stopped cutting her hair, and it trails down her back like the past she left you behind in. And the heart ache isn’t hers anymore. Her smile reaches her eyes now and her laugh lights up the room. You forgot, didn’t you? You forgot the way she held you the night you couldn’t fall asleep. You forgot the way she covers her mouth when she laughs, the way she cups her hands over mugs to keep her fingers warm, the way her hands were always a little bit cold. You forgot the way it felt to know that despite all the flaws that ran through your veins there was someone there to kiss your forehead and brew you tea. Oh, but you’ll remember. And maybe if you’re lucky, you won’t be holding something fragile when you hear the news. Maybe if you’re lucky your heart will only ache for a fraction as long as hers did. Maybe if you’re lucky, she’ll pick up when you call. But even if she still has all the tenderness for you in the world, her voice is not the same. She doesn’t love you anymore. You lost her. You lost her. And you can’t ever get her back.”