blue eyes and braids

i'm not going to use it because I write all my fic in the same universe and it doesn't work with what I've already written but feel free to steal it

"My kidney stone is crying." "Again, not a kidney stone."

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"Y--you don't have to apologize for your anatomy." "No, no, I'm not apologizing for my hog," Frank says. "Your hog?" "You've never heard that expression?"

Mel shrugs.

"Never really gotten close enough to a…hog in a non-medical setting to hear it be called that. Most of the male genitalia I see is either on a fresh baby whose mom didn't make it up to L and D or an adult who has deeply wounded said genitalia. I don't have casual…hog experience." "Name of my next band." "That implies you've been in a band…" "Ohhhh yeah," Frank says. "I was that asshole with the guitar in college."

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"You don't like beans?" "I love beans. I don't want to break wind in your face when you're…having dessert." "And the half-pound of melted cheese won't do that to you?" "Surprisingly, no," Mel says. "You should see the baked potatoes here. I don't know what kind of freak-ass farm they get them from, but I've seen babies smaller than these potatoes." "…and they lived?" "I didn't say that." "Jesus, that's dark," Mel says.

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"I wish there were condoms that were better for the environment because I really like what we've been doing but I can't stop thinking about the sea turtles that might die because we accidentally found out we're sexually compatible," Mel says. "Well, for one thing, we live in Pittsburgh, so chances are this condom is going nowhere near the ocean. If anything, it's going to a landfill on the Ohio border." "Oh, so now I've got to worry about raccoons."

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"I haven't gotten my first wanted dick pic. I have unfortunately gotten quite a few unsolicited ones from patients, patients' brothers, patient's dads…"

Frank gags.

"Christ." "None from him yet," Mel says.

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"Princess! How nice to see you here! Did Dr. Barker finally give you a wet read?"

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"So Penny's doll is a doctor." "Yeah." "Aren't American Girl dolls supposed to be like 9 years old?" "Javadi's like 9 and she's in med school."

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"Oh, so it was that kind of book," Frank jokes. "One of those medieval bodice-rippers in which Sir Francis and his quivering member must defeat the treacherous Elf to win the hand of the fair maiden?" "Of course you give the knight with the quivering member your name," Mel jokes. "You've had three nights with my quivering member and I haven't heard a complaint."

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"Who do I gotta kill for leaving you out here in the fuckin' Arctic?" "Nobody. He's parking the car, but I…I didn't bring the right shoes so he didn't want me to destroy them walking what might be some distance." "Oh. He?" "Y--yeah. I'm on a date." "Attagirl. Your first?" "Our first was six days ago. We're inseparable now," Mel says, giggling. "I know a gangly pretty boy sadsack who's gonna be real in his feelings when he finds out his princess is puttin' herself out there."

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"I apologize if there's peanuts in my underwear."

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I think Mel would be totally overwhelmed and stressed out by wedding planning and end up just having a courthouse wedding with just Frank's parents and Becca in attendance (and Dr. Shen officiating for shits and giggles and six cases of Dunkin') before jetting off to Hersheypark for a week of eating chocolate, going on the lazy river, and rampant and productive coitus...

BUT

I do think she'd love a big over the top musical proposal. Like one day Dana mentions in conversation that one of her kids did the BMI Workshop (it's a program for musical theater writing) and Frank is like "holy shit, do you think she can help me with something?" and Dana's like "if you think my kid can write something that will make your kids shut the fuck up about KPop Demon Hunters, I don't know what to tell you" and he's like "no, I want to ask Mel to marry me."

Dana knows her daughter loves that shit so she passes on Frank's information. She (Dana's daughter) is in the program as a lyricist rather than a composer, so instead of writing something completely new, she and Frank write a parody of "Belle" from Beauty and The Beast, except it's way more flattering to both Mel and the people around her.

Nobody has time to rehearse a big flash mob, though, they're too busy saving lives, so they all record their parts separately and Shen animates them because it's not like that man is capable of sleeping.

Specifically Mel and a ring-less Langdon singing "Bad Idea" from Waitress...

Melangdon this

Langdonmel this

Melfrank that

a text thread for the fic I'm working on.

Think about all the things that could happen:

someone having high blood pressure because of all the sodium

fights breaking out when lines get too long

pickleball injuries

someone gets thrown off the Mechanical Pickle

someone has to get multiple pickles removed from their ass

Mel shows up at work one day and everyone is talking about the "BFB club" and "who wants in."

She can't ask about it right away because she's needed on a major trauma, but eventually she gets some down time and she asks Emma what the club is.

"BFB" stands for "Bodily Fluid Bingo." Every week, Dr. Santos prints out bingo cards with various bodily fluids listed on them, and keeps bingo markers at the Hub. There is a small buy-in cost for these cards. When they are hit with said liquids (they meaning the staff of the PTMC) they get to mark off a spot. First person to get a Bingo wins the pot of money.

Whitaker's won four weeks in a row.

The only rules are:

It cannot be something that is expected. For example, if one's partner kisses them goodbye sloppily at the beginning of their shift, they cannot mark "saliva." However, if twenty minutes later, they are spat at by an individual on meth, they can mark "saliva."

so I love a parallel

i also love dogs

I loved the scene where Frank and Mel were on the floor with Crosby. I want another scene with another patient's dog. Mel's in the break room decompressing from a particularly heinous case. The dog is sitting on her lap and being cute. Frank comes in from treating the dog's owner (who is very sick but will make it, unlike Mel's patient) to check on Mel and to ask her to join him on another case (because he knows how much better she feels when she sees someone witnessing her doing a good job).

He sits down next to Mel, who, at this point, is getting a ton of kisses from this dog (I imagine it is a particularly affectionate breed with no concept of personal space). He looks at the dog and goes "do you mind?" and Mel hands him the dog because she doesn't know that Frank's patient is going to be OK and thinks that (1) he needs puppy kisses and (b) he is talking to her...

But he's actually talking to the dog, who he moves gently out of the way before kissing Mel.