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@the-last-punbender
Sorry but it's not complete without...

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Uncles and Nephews can perform especially powerful attacks together. Experiment with different uncles and nephews to discover their unique abilities.
this is what LMFAO did with party rock anthem
sorry to post religious ads but i got this ad
and i can't get over how the artist/graphic designer clearly went in knowing they were replicating classic holy white bird imagery and did a decent job with the editing too, except they either don't know what a dove is, don't know that the bird being specifically a dove matters, or just got real lazy and chose the first all white bird that came up in search results because that is fully a seagull in that image
GOD IS COMING FOR YOUR FRENCH FRIES
06/16/2026

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My favorite part about Piranesi (the book) is that it's honestly told from the wrong perspective. The main character should be Raphael, the maverick cop who overcomes public doubt to solve a cold case and take down a cult. But Susanna Clarke was like hmmm actually what if we watched the missing guy talk to birds for 300 pages as the plot takes place offstage. and it was fire
So like when we bought the new house, right after closing my attorney gave me this checklist of things to do right away, like rekey the locks, check the carbon monoxide and fire alarms, and replace all the toilet seats.
This last one struck us as very funny because, while the toilet seat one is a reasonable reminder for those richie riches out there with new toilet seat money and a fear of lingering butt germs, we do not have that option, because our 125 year old house came equipped with a toilet so technologically advanced that we have a separate toilet adjacent wall panel to control all the options.
This toilet has features I have never even seen before, much less experienced. When you sit down on it, it makes a comforting little beep, as if to say “hello friend, i’ve missed you!” It then begins to run just the tiniest bit of water to ensure that the built in bidet with full independent control over direction, intensity, and temperature will be prepared whether you opt for cold, lukewarm, or hot. Then, there is the air dry button, with its own temperature and intensity controls. It will literally both wash and dry your butt, and you will be in the utmost comfort while doing so. There is an anti-odor button, and I cannot fathom what technology THAT one deploys. There is still more.
We never would have bought this on our own, but we have quickly come to trust and love the Poopstation-9000.
I’ll note that when we moved in we immediately discovered that the prior owner had left us toilet paper, moisturizing “flushable” wet wipes, and a toilet brush next to his recently abdicated throne. It was both extremely nice of him and an objectively wild thing for him to concern himself with.
Like, it’s very kind to leave a roll of toilet paper behind. He left six, neatly arranged so we couldn’t miss them. He had it alllllll set up for us. This dude had a PASSION, and he wanted to recruit us to the cause.
I want you all to know that I have never pressed “Auto” because I am scared that it will be his personalized, meticulously calibrated setting and it will blast my butthole directly into the stratosphere.
Oh my god. I just looked it up. I had a sense that it was expensive but I had to know. I’m going to throw up.
This is an $899 toilet seat.
This toilet seat cost more than our brand new washing machine.
This toilet seat costs more than many weeklong cruises.
This house has no AC, a furnace that can charitably be described as an antique with four thermostats inexplicably installed to control it given that there’s only one zone, baseboard heating, a crack between the foundation blocks that you can very literally see the backyard through, 1970s wood paneling on the entire second floor with the ugliest (very stained) bright red polyester carpet you’ve ever seen, 1000 outlets so loose that you can’t plug anything into them, 14 spiders per room, and an $899 toilet seat.
I need to sit down.
…Thankfully, I have a spot.
Oh yes @kalikatze, I will simply SELL MY PREOWNED INCREDIBLY ELABORATE TOILET SEAT. Like I will just HOP ONTO FACEBOOK MARKETPLACE AND
“Hey Perverts!
Once in a lifetime opportunity for someone who wants this preused, already installed and also somehow fixed into a separate wall toilet seat! Can guarantee that at least seven people I know of have rested their bare buttcheeks upon this multifaceted,multifunctional beauty! Probably way more because they used to run an entire insurance agency out of this house and when we first visited with our realtor the sunroom out front had literally four desks in it and an OSHA poster and then we discovered three more work stations and a wholeass office and there is one (1) bathroom on this floor, so. Will not fit standard toilets. This is so I can afford to kill all these spiders and furnace if I have leftovers. Seeking $898 OBO!
P.S. Must uninstall yourself because I DO NOT UNDERSTAND HOW THEY DID THIS BUT IT IS PART OF THE WALLS AND POSSIBLY LOAD BEARING. Also please leave a functioning toilet in the gaping socket you have extracted my Butt Buddy from.
Local pickup only.”
the group chat when i ask whos available to hang out next week
Honestly this is one of the best formatted jokes of all time.
i like when people say that the universality of campbell's hero's journey only applies to western mythology/folklore. brother, i am going to hold your hand when i say this... it doesn't apply there too
Campbell's Hero's Journey is universally* applicable...
to western stories...
written by USAmericans...
written between 1975-1985...
set in space...
are feature films...
and feature Jedi.
See? Universal*
*some conditions apply

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So I just simultaneously did, and possibly didn't lose my job today :)
Very much did in the sense that I literally do not know where my job is at the moment. But, for the time being I haven't been let go because nobody else including the store owner knows where it is either.
So, I don't wanna risk doxxing myself by posting pictures but goddamn am I tempted because this is not a believable event. This is a cartoon problem. For looneytoons.
But yeah, so, I work(ed?) at a kiosk selling boba tea, right? Freestanding kiosk in the mall with full water and electrical hookups and multiple fridges and sinks and a mini kitchen and the works. Fully functional tea shop. Very important to note that it was there last night, The work chat was discussing another issue last night at closing time. I'll get back to this.
It's been showing signs of being on the way out with how business is being handled lately and I've been considering other options, which is probably why I'm not as torn up about this as I should be, but maybe it just hasn't set in yet, but that's not the point. The point is there's been a lot of shit breaking and not being replaced and nobody mentioning anything about it until I walk into work in the morning and have to figure out why shit like the fucking cash register isn't there today. So I'm kinda used to having to ask questions about big things that nobody bothered to update me on. I was out for two weeks recovering from a surgery, so I came to work this morning assuming there'd be some kind of bullshit, yeah?
So, the question I had to ask the chat this morning was:
Not a text I ever thought I'd have to send in sincerity, but there it is. Because what I found instead was a fenced off patch of discolored tiles and a few holes in the floor where my entire place of employment used to be.
And the answer? Nobody knows! It was there last night when the mall closed, and every single trace of the structure and all its contents including drink making supplies and our safe and cashbox was gone when it opened again. And when I say nobody knows, I mean everyone from last night's closers to the actual (former?) owner of the store jad no fucking clue about this until getting that text from me this morning. For once I am actually the first to know. 🎉.
So. I guess I didn't so much lose my job as had it stolen. Not by AI, but good old fashioned hands-on human beings picking it up and carrying it away somehow. All mall security would tell me was that they were instructed not to tell me anything and have us contact our management. Who also don't know anything. And later on I came across some construction workers around the gravesite of the kiosk discussing filling in the holes, asked them about it, and was told that they "weren't at liberty to say".
So, not only is my job gone in the most literal physical sense of the word, but it was taken in some kind of super secret kiosk extraction in the dead of night without any warning or witnesses and nobody is allowed to speak of it. The store owner said she was gonna figure it out 10 hours ago and still no word back.
I don't know what else to say aside from I've been laughing all day and I'm gonna have a hell of a time explaining Schrodinger's Unemployment to the benefits office.
Update that is not an update because I'm basically certain this isn't what actually happened:
My mother in law thinks the FBI took it.
Not any of the other stores around the state. Just the one little kiosk.
Why? Because she loves a conspiracy and is just a little bit extra.
Also because she was around for the massive crackdown on Yakuza-owned businesses in Waikiki (in her homestate) that did actually involve the FBI seizing stores (no confirmation of making kiosks cleanly disappear in the middle of the night though).
Still no word from my job on what's actually going on, but the most likely theory so far is that maybe the kiosk was on lease and got repossessed? The mystery continues
(also shout out to the person who proposed Carmen Sandiego)
ACTUAL (partial) UPDATE:
According to the owner, based on what she's been able to find out, the kiosk was not removed legally and they're starting a potentially long process of legal action. I hope she gets to sue the shit out of whoever did it but for now at least I know for sure I'm unemployed.
Really hoping for more details in terms of who/why/how, so I'll keep updating if I learn anything.
For now the summary is: An unnamed entity that is most likely mall management (on account of mall security cooperating with them) stole an entire kiosk and all the contents including money and machinery with barely a trace in the middle of the night grinch-style, with zero warning or explanation, and ensured the silence of both security and the construction crew, in an action that was definitely preplanned and illegal, and as far as I know nobody knows its whereabouts.
So now I'm officially out of a job. Because my workplace was literally stolen in the night.
Actually fuck it let's share some photos cause I wouldn't be inclined to believe this myself. It's not like anyone can stalk me at my job now and I'm not gonna have to see any coworkers that might find my tumblr.
Enjoy the unintentionally funniest text I've ever sent in my life
Aaand a close-up:
The last remains of a once Very Much Solid And Immobile Workplace
When you meet Edward Elric he gives off the impression that he's the short-tempered hot-headed "violence is the answer to all life's questions" kind of protagonist, and it's in fact incredible character craft that he's actually the character who ends the series with a negative-3 kill count.
people killed: 0
direct orders of "you really really need to kill this guy" ignored: 1
ongoing murders being committed by Ed's own friends/colleagues that Ed got in the way of to specifically stop that murder from happening: 2
God's worst soldier Edward Elric. Showed up as the youngest member of the Amestrian army, took millions of dollars from them, never followed a single order, helped dismantle their fascist regime, left with a lower kill count than he arrived with, then fucked off to go be a house-husband. Character of all time.
Back on my bullshit

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Learning to drive so that i may have a more complex and nuanced understanding of the themes within bruce springsteens music
"…it's because you're that sort of person, that i've learned to rely on others. that's why i too, will share with you something i have but you lack…"