It was meant not to be

like, my mental health sucks, which means my physical health sucks, and i genuinely don’t know if i have a) the mental stamina to study the 50+ hours a week as recommended and b) the physical stamina to get through 10 hr shifts on my shitty feet (or, literally, the physical energy to do.... anything)

& my mom suggested i end my lease early, throw my shit in storage, and move across the country and live at home for a year to focus on getting healthier and being in a better place to start next year, which sounds nice on the surface but has major drawbacks too!!!

on the very first trip from my first car load to my new place, i fell coming down the stairs, shattered a huge vase, and sprained my ankle real damn bad.

worked 11-7am last night, stayed til 8 for training session, then uber drove 9-3pm & didn’t get home til 4. someone 4-starred me, bringing me back down to 4.96 after i *just* got to 4.97. nobody tipped today.

treated myself to a smoothie bc i’ve been craving one lately and i happened to drive by a smoothie place but it was pretty bad so that’s $8 i literally threw in the trash can.

still haven’t heard anything from uconn.

which means i either got into another campus (the closest which is an hour away from the place i was just forced to sign a lease. storrs is 5 min away). or i didn’t get in at all. either way sucks tho obviously any campus is better than nothing.

mmmm i love coming home to notes like this. he literally just told me last tuesday that oil came, but gave me NO NOTICE WHATSOEVER that it was being filled. and i know he doesn’t have a conception of how much $200 is to a low hourly wage worker because he doesn’t work and his mommy and daddy pay for everything, but that’s A LOT of money as a SURPRISE bill. when i also had to put down 1600 in 2 weeks for a new apt ALSO thanks to him!!

he’s been on his ass playing video games all day as usual, and now i’m debating if i should go out and uber drive, even though i’m sick and this is my ONLY day off for the next week.

(context - i’ve never spoken about my housing/roommate/where i live to my supervisor, or even around her)

this weekend, i was ranting about my housing catastrophe at the nurses’ station. my sup had walked away at one point when i was talking to the others.