生

pada suatu hari nanti jasadku tak akan ada lagi tapi dalam bait-bait sajak ini kau takkan kurelakan sendiri pada suatu hari nanti suaraku tak terdengar lagi tapi di antara larik-larik sajak ini kau akan tetap kusiasati pada suatu hari nanti impianku pun tak dikenal lagi namun di sela-sela huruf sajak ini kau takkan letih-letihnya kucari

I know I shake when you don’t call and I feel like I can’t breathe when you forget to tell me you love me. I know that sometimes the words that come spilling out of my mouth at 3 AM make me sound crazy. I know that I love you a little too much. I know everything really hurts right now. I hope you know that I will always be here to keep the blood inside your veins. I hope you know that I will always be here to kiss you goodnight even if I fall asleep crying afterwards. I hope you know that you are the only reason I’ve still got stars hidden under my skin. I hope you know that you are the only thing that keeps the flowers in my lungs from dying. I know we’re fucked up. I know that sometimes I make you feel like you’re choking. I hope you know that I’m sorry. I hope you know that I see you in everything. I hope you know that it’s okay. I hope you know that you’re all I want. I hope you know that I think you’re wonderful. I hope you know that I think you’re every sunset and every thunderstorm and every cup of tea in the universe. I hope you know that you are my entire galaxy. I hope you know that I love you.

and here i am again. crying and wondering where you are. missing every part of you in my room. but i wish you doing well out there. i wish people treat you well. i wish they love you the way i do.

Sudah itu kita sama termangu Saling bertanya: Apakah ini? Cinta? Keduanya tak mengerti. Sehari itu kita bersama. Tak hampir-menghampiri. Ah! Hatiku yang tak mau memberi Mampus kau dikoyak-koyak sepi.

why cant you see me

I've seen you at your worst

This love is strong

You are sick and tired of seeing me cry You don't know how to calm me down Please read me poems, and make me laugh Remind me how lucky I am

I let my ego drift away far so it won’t come back. But now I’m losing my way.

You love your god more than you love me. Though you’re a god to me.

You love the world more than you love me. Though you mean the world to me. Today my world is collapsing. Into the void of no return. Every word that come from your mouth is just another sign for me to let it go but it takes so long, and I’m not so strong And I miss your face every day You’ve always wanted to protect me, but now, you’re the one that hurt me You love yourself more than you love me, though I love yourself more than me.

Apa kamu sadar, kebohonganku, pura-puraku, atau kemunafikanku tiap kali aku bilang aku tak tahu jalan hanya agar kamu bisa temaniku pulang dan aku merasa aman?

I'm not usually put someone over myself. But you know that i'd ride to the rush hour just to make it to be with you, or when its so dark in the sky i barely see everything. You know that i'd put myself in danger just to see you.

Mati-matian kupendam. Mati-matian kutahan. Mati-matian kutendang. Mati-matian kau abaikan. Mati-matian kau acuhkan. Mati-matian kau hancurkan.

Aku masih bisa merasakannya. Masih mengingati diri penuh air mata mendoa(mu) dari sini; dalam teduhnya sujud dini hari. Aku tak pernah senang hiruk-pikuk keramaian kota, kecuali memutarinya bersamamu. Aku tak pernah suka bising dunia nyata, kecuali mendengarnya denganmu. Aku tak pernah bisa bercerita menyoal kerapuhan yang berdiam di dadaku, kecuali dengan bola matamu. Entah, sebab kau memang bagian dari doa yang makbul ataukah hanya aku yang memaksakan kamulah orang itu—seseorang yang memang Tuhan izinkan berbagi bagian dari tubuhnya untuk menjadi separuhku. Terkadang kau ada tetapi meniada. Sering kali kau tiada tapi begitu lekat dirasa. Kau tak akan pernah mampu menembus batas langit untuk menemui “bintang jatuh” ketika tak berada dalam frekuensi yang pas. Jatah pikir paling tinggi yang akan membuat logikamu jungkir-balik. Entah mana yang perlu didahulukan; dicintai atau mencintai. Kurasa, perlu keduanya sekaligus bebarengan. Aku pernah begitu tegar dalam sendiri yang sabar, sebelum engkau menjamuku dengan peluk berjam-jam. Aku pernah begitu tabah pada biasa yang jengah, sebelum engkau meramu rindu dalam jarak satu-dua mili. Aku pernah begitu enggan ditemani sesiapa, sebelum engkau melucuti hatiku, tubuhku, segalaku pelan-pelan. Sampai tiba aku bertanya: Engkaukah?

Maybe i should try harder to make you happy.

I spend my whole night thinking bout us. Thinking bout how beautiful this feeling is, and how hurt it is. Spend it all night long, comparing by reading how happy you was when it comes to ur past lover.