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Forever in Malaysia (AU! Nanami Kento x Fem! Reader)
Y/N and Nanami Kento are a happily married couple, but their hectic schedules and monotonous routine leave them with barely a moment to spend together. Y/N finds herself longing for the early days of their relationship, when their love was passionate and all-consuming. As a surprise for their wedding anniversary, Nanami decides to fulfill one of Y/N's dreams: a vacation in Malaysia. However, what begins as a peaceful getaway soon forces Y/N to confront a painful reality she refused to face in order to overcome her emotional struggles.
Can love alone keep a person tied to the world when they have lost everything?
⚠️ Content Warning
This story contains sensitive themes that may be distressing to some readers, including:
• Grief and the process of accepting the death of a loved one.
• Denial and difficulty coping with a traumatic loss.
• Marital infidelity.
• A troubled marriage and the deterioration of a romantic relationship.
• Feelings of guilt, regret, and self-loathing.
• Depression, loneliness, and intense emotional suffering.
• References to the death of major characters.
• Psychological and emotionally distressing content.
Reader discretion is advised 👀.
While this story explores painful themes, it also focuses on healing, forgiveness, acceptance, and the ability to move forward after a devastating loss.
The kitchen of his apartment is suffocatingly quiet, save for the rhythmic sound of Satoru tossing a single cherry tomato up in the air and catching it. He’s still in his high-collared jujutsu uniform, dirt on his shoulder from a mission he treated like an afternoon stroll. You had spent the last three hours watching the news, your chest tightening with a familiar, toxic dread as reports of a massive curtain over Shinjuku filled the screen. And now that he’s home, he’s doing exactly what he always does: turning your terror into a comedy routine.
“Seriously, you’re stressing over nothing,” he chuckles, his voice airy and light as he catches the tomato one last time and pops it into his mouth. He doesn't take off his blindfold. He never does when he wants to keep a conversation superficial. “It was just a few special grades. Took me maybe five minutes? I even brought back those sweets you like from that shop near the station. You should be kissing me, not giving me the third degree.”
Usually, this is where you stop. You swallow the lump in your throat, roll your eyes, and let him think his untouchable persona has smoothed things over, because arguing with the strongest man alive feels like trying to scream down a hurricane. But tonight, looking at the fresh tear in his sleeve and the careless tilt of his chin, something inside you snaps. The fear twists into a hot, unyielding rage.
You step forward, slamming your hand flat against the kitchen counter. The loud crack echoes through the room, cutting him off mid-sentence.
“Shut up, Satoru. Just shut your mouth for once in your life!” Your voice isn’t a whimper; it’s a fierce, trembling roar that hits the walls and bounces back. “Stop hiding behind that stupid, arrogant smile! I am sick of it! I am so tired of sitting in this apartment, staring at the clock, wondering if today is the day your Infinity fails. Wondering if today is the day someone finally figures out a way to break through your barrier and leaves you bleeding out in some alley!”
Satoru’s head tilts slightly, his grin freezing in place, but he still tries to wave a dismissive, gloved hand. “Sweetie, I’m the strongest—”
“I don't care about the strongest!” you scream, stepping directly into his personal space, your finger poking hard against his chest, right over his heart. For a split second, your finger actually connects—he has lowered his Infinity out of pure habit around you, leaving himself completely exposed. “You play the fool, you treat every life-or-death battle like a playground game, and you think it’s funny because you can't be touched. But I can be touched, Satoru! Every time you walk out that door with a smirk, you leave me behind to drown in panic! I am telling you right now: either you stop playing the damn fool and start taking your own life seriously, or I am walking out of this door tonight and never coming back.”
The silence that follows is heavy, suffocating. You are breathing heavily, your heart hammering against your ribs, waiting for the defensive laugh, the sarcastic comeback, the inevitable joke.
Instead, his signature smug grin completely drops, vanishing faster than a vanished curse. His hands freeze at his sides. For three agonizing seconds, he doesn't move a muscle. Then, slowly, his fingers reach up to the edge of his black blindfold. He pulls it down, letting the fabric pool around his neck, revealing his bare, unshielded eyes. The brilliant, glowing blue of his Six Eyes is wide, staring down at you with a profound, unscripted shock. For the first time since you’ve known him, he looks completely stripped of his god-complex. He looks raw, vulnerable, and deeply, terribly human.
...“You're going to leave me?” He rasps out the words, his deep voice dropping to an uncharacteristically soft, fractured whisper. The absolute confidence that usually radiates from his posture is entirely gone; his shoulders slump, and he takes a frantic, clumsy step closer to you, his hands hovering tentatively near your waist, completely terrified to touch you but desperately needing to bridge the distance. The King of the Jujutsu world looks like a man who just watched his entire sky fall apart. “No... no, wait. Look at me. Please. I didn't... I didn't think you felt like that. I swear to you, I’m not trying to be reckless. I just... I’m so used to having to be the one who doesn't worry, I forgot how to show you that I'm trying.”
A single, desperate breath escapes him as he finally closes the gap, his massive arms wrapping around your frame, pulling you tightly against his chest. He buries his face into the crook of your neck, his fingers clenching into the fabric of your shirt with a strength that tells you he will never let you walk away.
“The blindfold is off, okay? I’m listening. I’ll change, I swear I will,” he mutters against your skin, his voice thick with a sudden, overwhelming emotion. “Just don't leave me. Don't say you're going to walk away. I can handle a world of curses, but I can't handle a single day in this place without you.”
━━━ ✦夏油傑 SUGURU GETO ✦ ━━━━━━━━
The rain is drumming a relentless, heavy rhythm against the traditional shoji screens of his private temple chambers. Suguru is pacing the length of the tatami mats, the long, dark layers of his Buddhist robes sweeping softly behind him. He has been talking for twenty minutes, his voice carrying that smooth, melodic cadence he uses when he’s preaching to his wealthy, non-sorcerer donors—condescending, beautifully structured, and completely detached from reality. He treats your disagreement like a minor, intellectual debate, pacing back and forth with his hands tucked neatly into his wide sleeves.
“You look at the world through a lens of narrow, emotional sentimentality, Beloved,” he says, stopping to fix you with a placid, incredibly patronizing smile. His narrow eyes are soft, dripping with a terrifyingly calm pity. “It’s natural to feel conflicted. But you must understand the grand design. The monkeys are a disease, a parasitic burden that breeds the very curses that kill our kind. To purge them is not cruelty; it is a clinical necessity. It is the only way to protect the truly righteous.”
You sit on the edge of the low wooden table, your hands clenched into tight fists until your knuckles turn white. You have spent months listening to these grand speeches, watching him slowly descend into an unhinged, ideological madness, trying to convince yourself that the gentle, protective boy from Jujutsu High was still in there somewhere. But hearing him use words like clinical necessity to justify mass slaughter makes the blood boil in your veins. You are completely done playing the quiet, supportive partner to a monster.
You stand up, the sudden movement causing the heavy wooden chair to scrape violently against the floorboards.
“Listen to the absolute garbage coming out of your mouth, Suguru!” You shout, your voice cutting through the peaceful atmosphere of the temple like a blade.
Suguru stops pacing, his head tilting slightly as his polite smile locks into place, a subtle warning in the way his shoulders stiffen. “There is no need to raise your voice—”
“I will raise it as much as I need to get through to you!” You step right up to him, refusing to let his towering height intimidate you as you glare directly into his dark eyes. “Look at yourself! You talk about a grand design, about a paradise for sorcerers, but you're just a coward hiding behind big words because you can't handle how cruel this world is! You want to kill the entire human population? Billions of innocent people, children, families—for what? For who?! How does murdering billions make you a savior?!”
Suguru’s expression darkens, a dangerous, cold aura beginning to radiate from his form as he steps closer, his voice dropping to a low, commanding rumble. “They are monkeys. They do not feel, they do not understand our sacrifice—”
“Your parents were monkeys, Suguru!” You shout the words directly into his face, the raw truth of it hanging in the damp air like a physical blow. His entire body goes completely rigid, his eyes widening in absolute, visceral shock as the words pierce through his carefully constructed armor. “They raised you, they loved you, and you murdered them in cold blood! How can you stand there in those holy robes and preach to me about righteousness when your hands are stained with the blood of your own mother and father?! You aren't a god, Suguru! You're a broken, pathetic mass murderer who lost his way, and I am sick of pretending that you're doing this for a greater good!”
The silence that settles over the room is deafening. The only sound is your ragged breathing and the heavy thud of the rain outside. For a long, terrifying moment, you wonder if this is the moment he summons a horde of curses to tear you apart for your insolence. His face is completely blank, the calm, placid mask he wore for months violently shattered into a million pieces.
A dark, suffocating vein throbs violently on his forehead, his hands trembling inside his sleeves as his entire reality short-circuits. He looks at you, not with the cold calculation of a cult leader, but with the sudden, agonizing panic of a boy who has just been forced to look into a mirror and see the monster he’s become. The grand, charismatic facade completely drains from his face, leaving him looking pale, hollow, and utterly defeated.
“...Do not speak of them,” he whispers, his voice carrying a raw, breathless tremor that contrasts sharply with his usual composure. He takes a shaky step backward, his hand coming up to press against his temple as if trying to block out the reality of your words. “You... you don't understand the burden. You don't know what it’s like to swallow the filth of this world every single day just to keep them safe... just to keep you safe.”
He looks down at his own palms, his breath hitching as if he can suddenly see the blood of his family covering his skin. When he looks back up at you, the cold, murderous cult leader is entirely gone. In his place is a desperately lonely, broken man, his dark eyes wide and pleading as he reaches out, his fingers brushing against your sleeve with a terrifyingly fragile desperation.
“Don't look at me like that,” he begs, his voice cracking completely as he closes his eyes, unable to bear the judgment in your gaze. He collapses forward, resting his forehead heavily against your shoulder, his broad chest shaking as he clings to you like a lifeline in the middle of a storm. “Please... don't call me a monster. If you turn away from me too... then everything I’ve done, every life I’ve taken... it was all for nothing. Just stay here. Even if you hate me, just don't leave me alone in the dark...”
━━━ ✦ 七海建人 KENTO NANAMI ✦ ━━━━━━
Nanami stands by the bedroom dresser, his back perfectly straight, neatly placing his watch, his backup spectacles, and his freshly pressed button-down shirts into a small leather bag. He had delivered the news five minutes ago over dinner: he was leaving his corporate job to officially reinstate his license as a Grade 1 Jujutsu sorcerer. No discussion. No warning. Just a dry, factual announcement.
“The decision is finalized,” he says, his deep voice entirely flat, devoid of any room for negotiation as he folds a tie with mechanical precision. “The current shortage of sorcerers has reached a critical threshold. It would be highly irresponsible of me to remain in an office building while others are sent to die. It is a matter of basic utility and obligation. My train leaves at six o’clock tomorrow morning.”
You stand at the edge of the bedroom, your chest tightening with a sudden, suffocating panic. For months, you had held him through his nightmares, watching him wake up in a cold sweat from the ghosts of his past, believing he had finally escaped that cycle of trauma. And now, he’s just walking right back into the slaughterhouse.
“Kento, look at me,” you try to keep your voice steady, stepping into the room. “We talked about this. You said that world was nothing but regret. You can't just casually decide to go back there without even asking me how I feel about it.”
Nanami doesn't stop folding. He doesn't even tilt his head. “My personal feelings regarding the profession are irrelevant. The situation demands efficiency. I have already signed the contract with Tokyo prefecture. It is no longer open for debate.”
His voice is so incredibly cold. It’s the voice he uses for strangers, for business clients, a thick brick wall meant to shut you out entirely. The sheer indifference of his posture infuriates you, the terror mutating into a desperate, roaring need to break through his armor, to make him feel something, to make him realize what he’s throwing away.
You march forward, grabbing the leather bag from the dresser and slamming it down onto the floor, scattering his perfectly folded clothes across the room.
“Stop acting like a machine, Kento! Look at me!” You yell, your voice sharp and demanding, echoing off the walls.
Nanami finally freezes. He stands completely still for a second before slowly turning around. His expression is a terrifying, unbothered blank mask, his eyes completely shielded behind his dark, spotted glasses. “Losing your temper will not alter the reality of the situation. I am an adult, and I have made an calculated choice based on—”
“Haibara didn't get to make a choice!”
The name tears out of your throat, loud and violent, shattering the quiet apartment.
Nanami’s entire frame instantly locks, his jaw tightening so hard that a sharp line forms along his cheekbone. It’s as if you had physically struck him across the face. For the first time, his rigid professional posture completely breaks, his breath catching sharply in his chest as the ghost of his dead classmate is brutally dragged into the light.
“...What did you say?” he rasps, his deep voice dropping to a low, dangerously quiet rumble that vibrates with a decade of buried, agonizing trauma.
“You heard me!” You scream right back, stepping directly into his personal space, refusing to back down from the sudden, suffocating tension radiating from him. “He was just a kid, Kento! He followed the rules, he did what he was told, and he still ended up under a white sheet! You spent years running away because his death completely broke you, and now you’re just going to march right back into the exact same fire? For what?! To prove a point? Do you want to die too?! Because if you go back there, that’s exactly what’s going to happen, and I am not going to sit here and wait for the phone call telling me you're dead!”
The silence that follows is heavy, agonizing, and entirely devoid of his usual logical rebuttals. Nanami stands perfectly rigid, staring down at your fierce, trembling form. The stoic, unbothered mask he wore like a shield completely shatters into dust. He slowly raises his hand, his fingers trembling ever so slightly as he removes his spotted spectacles, setting them on the dresser behind him. When he looks back at you, his eyes are wide, deeply bloodshot, and completely stripped of their usual cold authority.
“...Do you truly believe I am doing this out of some twisted desire for martyrdom?” He rasps out the words, his voice cracking into a raw, breathless whisper you’ve never heard from him before. He takes a slow, heavy step toward you, the clinical distance he always maintains completely collapsing as his shoulders slump under an immense, sudden exhaustion. The man who always has an answer for everything looks completely defenseless, his gaze desperately scanning your face for mercy. “I live with his ghost every single day. I see his face every time I close my eyes. I do not want to die. God... I want to live here, in this quiet life, with you. But when I see those children being sent into the dirt... I feel like an absolute coward for hiding behind a desk.”
He stops just inches away from you, his large, calloused hands coming up tentatively, hovering in the air before he finally lets them drop heavily onto your shoulders. He bows his head, resting his forehead against yours as a long, shaky breath escapes his chest.
“I am terrified,” he confesses into the dark space between you, his voice thick with a profound, hidden sorrow as his fingers grip your shirt desperately. “Every single time I step onto a battlefield, I am terrified I won't make it back to this apartment. But hearing you say his name... seeing the terror in your eyes... I am so sorry. I am so sorry for making you carry my ghosts. Please, just hold onto me. Let me figure out how to be a good man without destroying the only peace I have left.”
━━━ ✦ 日車寛見 HIROMI HIGURUMA ✦ ━━━━━
The dimly lit office is cluttered with towering stacks of legal briefs and empty coffee cups. Hiromi is sitting behind his desk, his tie completely loosened, staring blankly at a legal file. He has been in a dark, self-destructive spiral for days, completely obsessed with the absolute corruption of the judicial system. But tonight, it’s different. Tonight, he’s treating you like the enemy. You had spent the last hour trying to talk to him about his late hours, but instead of listening, he has been using his legendary legal mind to aggressively pick apart every single sentence you say, turning a domestic conversation into a brutal cross-examination.
“Your grievance lacks any logical consistency,” he says, his voice dripping with a sharp, biting cynicism as he leans forward, pinning you with a cold, intimidating glare. “You claim you want to spend time together, yet you choose to interrupt my work hours to bring it up, which inherently reduces my efficiency. You're operating entirely on emotional impulse, contradicting your own stated goals. It's an irrational waste of time.”
You stand across from the desk, your hands clenching into fists. For weeks, you’ve watched him withdraw into this dark, defensive courtroom of his own making, but hearing him use his brilliant intellect to systematically humiliate you and twist your genuine concern into a "logical fallacy" makes something inside you snap. You are completely done letting him treat your relationship like a fraudulent case he needs to defeat.
You step forward, your hand coming down with a loud, ringing slam directly onto the open law book in front of him, forcing it shut.
“Stop talking to me like I'm a witness on your stand, Hiromi! Look up from those files and face me!” You yell, your voice sharp, unyielding, and echoing off the cold office walls.
Hiromi cracks his neck, his dark eyes narrowing as he refuses to back down, his posture stiffening into a defensive arrogance. “I am merely stating facts. If you cannot handle a rational assessment of your behavior, that is an internal issue, not a legal one—”
“This isn't a trial, and I am not your defendant!” You shout right back, stepping around the desk, forcing yourself into his space so he can't look away from you. “You sit in this dark room, throwing out words like 'logic' and 'data' to justify how miserable you're making yourself. But you're not being rational, Hiromi—you're being a coward! You're using the corruption of the world as an excuse to shut me out because you're too terrified to admit that you're overwhelmed! You want to talk about facts? The fact is you are drowning, and you are actively destroying the one person who is trying to pull you out!”
Hiromi opens his mouth to deliver a sharp, defensive objection, his finger raised to point at you, but as he takes in your blazing, completely fearless expression, the words completely die in his throat. His legendary, articulate composure entirely drains from his face, leaving him looking pale, hollow, and completely exposed. Your raw accusation slices through his legal defenses like a sword, stripping away the brilliant, cynical attorney and leaving nothing but the deeply exhausted, guilty man underneath. The realization that he used his professional intellect to attack his own sanctuary hits his conscience with a devastating clarity.
“...I am destroying you?” He whispers the question, his voice dropping all of its sharp, articulate edge, instantly becoming rough, quiet, and incredibly fragile.
He looks down at his hand, which is suddenly trembling in the air before he slowly lets it fall against the dark wood of his desk. The brilliant legal mind completely short-circuits, his chest tightening as the weight of his own emotional isolation finally breaks through. He pushes his chair back, his movements clumsy and uncoordinated as he stands up, looking at you with a profound, naked remorse.
“God... I’m doing it again,” he mutters, a broken, self-deprecating chuckle escaping his lips before his voice cracks completely. He runs a hand through his messy hair, looking completely defeated. “I turn every conversation into a defense mechanism because I don't know how to exist in this world without hurting people. I use the law to keep everyone at arm's length, even you.”
He walks around the desk, his steps slow and heavy, as if the air in the room has suddenly turned to lead. He stops right in front of you, his tall frame slumping completely as he drops his head, hiding his face from your gaze. He reaches out, his large hands carefully wrapping around your wrists, his grip tight but incredibly gentle as he pulls your hands up to rest against his chest, right over his pounding heart.
“I rest my case,” he whispers into the dark space between you, his eyes wide and pleading as he looks up at you for forgiveness. “You're completely right. I’m terrified. I look at this system, and I feel so entirely powerless that I take it out on the only good thing I have left. Please... don't let me push you away. Keep standing up to me. Force me to look at you, because without you here to tell me when I'm losing my mind, I don't think I'll ever find my way back.”
━━━ ✦ 脹相 CHOSO KAMO✦ ━━━━━━━━━━
The air inside the abandoned hideout is stale and heavy. Choso is standing right in front of the door, his arms tightly crossed over his broad chest, his massive frame completely blocking your exit. He has been standing there for the last ten minutes, ever since you picked up your jacket to simply go outside and get fresh air. His dark hair, tied up in his high twin ponytails, is slightly messy, and the dark mark stretching across the bridge of his nose twitches with a stubborn, frantic energy.
“You are staying inside,” he states with a flat, immovable finality, his pitch-black eyes locked into yours. “It does not matter if it is just a walk. The world outside is unstable, and I cannot guarantee your absolute safety if you leave this room. My sole duty is to keep you alive. You do not need to go out.”
For weeks, you have accommodated his suffocating protectiveness. You understood where it came from—he watched his younger brothers die, and the trauma of those losses has turned him completely paranoid. But you are a human being, not a trophy to be kept on a shelf. Being locked away in a dark room out of his sheer paranoia finally breaks your patience. The claustrophobia mutates into a sharp, burning defiance.
You take a firm step forward and push both of your hands hard against his chest, trying to force his heavy frame away from the handle.
“Move out of my way, Choso!” Your voice rings through the quiet room, sharp and refusing to be intimidated.
Choso doesn't budge another millimeter. He looks down at your hands on his chest, his eyebrows knitting into a stern, deeply patronizing frown. “I am doing this for your own good. You are too reckless. If something happens to you, I—”
“You are suffocating me!” you yell, glaring directly into his eyes, refusing to let his intense presence make you back down. “You think you’re protecting me? You’re turning this place into a prison! I understand that you are grieving, Choso, and I know you are terrified of being alone. But instead of loving me as a partner, you are using your own trauma to control me because you're too terrified to trust me! I cannot live like this, staring at these four walls just to make you feel secure!”
Choso’s breath cuts short, his jaw locking tight. He opens his mouth to deliver another fierce, stubborn older-brother command, but you cut him off before he can even breathe.
“If you keep me locked in this room because you refuse to deal with your own fears, I will never look at you the same way again!” you scream, your voice trembling with raw emotion. “You want to protect me? Then trust me! Let me breathe! Because if your only way of loving me is to strip away my freedom and treat me like a captive, then I don't want it. Move away from that door, or we are completely done!”
The silence that follows is thick and agonizing. His imperturbable, authoritative older-brother mask violently shatters into pieces, his face completely draining of color. The word done and the threat of you walking away from his life pierce through his defenses like a cursed blade.
A total, visceral panic takes over his features, and his large hands begin to tremble heavily at his sides. He looks down at you, completely stripped of his stubborn composure, tears of genuine panic suddenly welling up in his eyes.
“...Done?” he rasps out the word in a broken, breathless whisper. He takes a frantic, clumsy step toward you, his shaking hands hovering near your arms—utterly terrified to touch you after what you just said, yet desperately needing to bridge the gap. The fierce death painting looks entirely defenseless, completely terrified by the realization of what he's done. “No... please, don't say that. Don't say you don't want my love. I... I didn't mean to make you a prisoner. I swear to you, I didn't...”
He drops his head heavily against your shoulder, his broad frame shaking with slight tremors as he timidly wraps his large arms around your waist, clinging to you with a fragile desperation.
“I see blood and death every time I close my eyes,” he confesses, his deep voice muffled and thick with swallowed emotion against your neck. “The thought of losing you makes me lose my mind. But I am wrong. I am so sorry. I am moving. You can go... you can walk out that door. Just... please, come back to me.”
━━━ ✦ 伏黒甚爾 TOJI FUSHIGURO ✦ ━━━━━━
Toji is standing near the entryway, casually slipping a hidden weapon into his jacket, his massive frame radiating his usual, lazy indifference. You had found the document hidden in his coat pocket just moments ago. It wasn't a standard underworld dispute or a rival sorcerer contract. It was a hit.
Normally, you say absolutely nothing. You’ve spent months turning a blind eye to his shady dealings, purposefully ignoring the dark, bloody world he operates in just to keep a roof over your head. You knew who he was when you chose to stay. But this time, looking at the paper in your hands, the reality of it is too sickening to ignore; a line has been crossed, and your usual silence completely dissolves into pure horror.
You step directly into his path, blocking his access to the front door, the document tightly gripped in your trembling hands.
“Toji, look at this. Look at what you're doing,” you say, your voice cracking, thick with a sudden, overwhelming dread. “This isn't just a regular contract. This isn't just some corrupt sorcerer or a gang member. It’s a child. She’s an innocent student, Toji. How can you look at a kid and see a paycheck? How can you walk out that door to go end her life?!”
“Put the papers down,” Toji cuts you off instantly, his deep, gravelly voice flat and entirely devoid of any warmth. He doesn't look at you, his eyes fixed on the front door as he adjusts his collar. “It’s none of your business. Go back to bed.”
“But Toji, you don't understand, she's just—” You try to speak, your voice desperate, but he violently cuts you off again, his tone hardening into a cynical, impenetrable wall.
“I said drop it! It’s just a contract,” he snaps, his sharp green eyes flashing with a sudden, tense irritation as he glares down at you. “They're offering a fortune. Once the job is done, the payout is more than enough for us to live comfortably. After this one, I’m done. I'm retiring for good. So stop overthinking it and let me handle my business.”
Hearing him reduce a human life to his final retirement plan makes something inside you break. Your fear completely vanishes, replaced by a raw, desperate determination to shatter his calculated apathy.
You step even closer, physically forcing yourself into his space. With a sharp, aggressive movement, you thrust the document directly under his eyes, holding it so close to his face that he has no choice but to look at the printed ink.
“But it’s not just a contract, Toji! It’s a kid! Look at her!” you scream, your voice trembling with an agonizing mixture of rage and grief as your fingers tightly grip the edges of the paper. “Look at the paper, look at her face! She has a face, Toji! She has a name! Look at it—Riko Amanai! She is a real person, not a piece of paper, not a paycheck! Look at her!”
Toji stops dead in his tracks. His usual bored, dismissive expression completely short-circuits as the photo of the young girl is forced right into his field of vision. His jaw tightens so hard that a sharp line forms along his cheekbone, his massive frame completely locking into a tense, heavy stillness. For a split second, the cold reality of his target’s innocence pierces right through his cynical armor. He looks profoundly troubled, his throat bobbing as he swallows hard, the name Riko Amanai hanging heavily in the suffocating silence of the hallway.
Before you can say another word, his large, rough hand reaches out with a sudden, heavy sweep, forcefully snatching the papers out of your hands.
“I told you to drop it,” he mutters under his breath, his voice dropping to a low, rough murmur that carries a heavy, stifled bitterness. He doesn't tear the paper, and he doesn't shout; he just shoves the crumpled document deep into his jacket pocket, deliberately turning his gaze away from you to stare blankly at the wood of the front door. “I don't get paid to memorize their names.”
You stand before him, completely helpless, as hot, heavy tears finally spill over your eyelashes, tracking slowly and silently down your cheeks. Your chest heaves with a quiet, devastating heartbreak, watching him choose his pride and his greed over a child’s life.
Toji catches the sight of your tears glistening in the dim light of the entryway. A profound, visible conflict flashes through his green eyes; his posture slumps slightly, looking entirely suffocated and weighed down by the raw pain he’s causing you. He wants to say something, his hand twitching slightly inside his pocket, but his deeply ingrained resentment toward the world blocks him entirely.
He lets out a harsh, ragged sigh, completely turning his back to you as he reaches for the doorknob.
“Go to sleep,” he says quietly, his voice rough and strangely hollow, refusing to look back at your crying form as he opens the door. “Don't wait up for me.”
He steps out into the cold night air and quietly pulls the door shut behind him—leaving you entirely alone in the dim hallway, the silent tears still falling as his heavy footsteps slowly fade down the dark corridor.
━━━ ✦ 禪院相哉 NAOYA ZEN'IN ✦ ━━━━━━━
The sterile corridors of the Zenin estate are dead silent, save for the rhythmic clicking of Naoya’s wooden sandals. He walks ahead with casual, predatory grace, hands tucked neatly into his expensive haori.
Following three exact paces behind him, your eyes remain lowered. As his wife, you have spent your marriage accepting your place in his shadow, remaining quiet and submissive as tradition demands. You’ve watched him humiliate others before and stayed silent to preserve the harmony of the house. But tonight, a suffocating dread grips your throat. Naoya is heading toward the secondary courtyards, a cruel sneer on his face, fully intending to physically "discipline" Maki and Mai after a failed training assessment. You know the cruelty they endure when no one is looking. For the first time, your fear for the twins overpowers centuries of tradition and your duties as a Zenin wife.
You break formation. Hurrying forward, you shatter the mandatory three-pace gap and step directly in front of him, your hand catching the silk of his sleeve.
“Naoya, please, wait,” you say, your voice trembling but desperate as you block his path.
Naoya stops dead. For a long, terrifying second, he just stares at your hand on his sleeve, his eyes narrowing in pure, aristocratic disgust. He slowly raises his head, golden-brown eyes locking onto yours. “What do you think you’re doing? Have you completely forgotten your place? Remove your hand before I decide to break it.”
“Please, don't go to the courtyard,” you beg, refusing to move. “Maki and Mai worked as hard as they could today. They’re exhausted, they're bleeding. If you go out there now, you’re going to seriously hurt them. I know my duties as your wife, but they are just young girls! Please, leave them alone tonight.”
Naoya lets out a sharp, condescending chuckle, tilting his head. “A wife trying to dictate the discipline of the main house? You really have lost your mind. Those two failures are a stain on the Zenin name. If they cannot handle the training, they will be taught their place by force. And as for you...” His voice drops to a lethal hiss, his hand snapping out to grab your wrist in a crushing grip. “...you stand three paces behind me. You do not speak unless spoken to. And you certainly do not stand in my way.”
“I won't let you hurt them!” you cry out, trying to use your weight to keep him from passing. “They are your family, Naoya! How can you be so heartless?!”
The insult violently strips the amusement from his face. His eyes flash with dangerous rage, his jaw clenching tightly. A man of his status being scolded and blocked by his own wife—the woman who is supposed to be the perfect reflection of his authority—is a humiliation he will not tolerate.
With a brutal twist of his wrist, Naoya aggressively shoves you backward, throwing his full physical strength into the impact.
Your feet lose their grip. You fly backward, crashing hard against the sliding shoji screen before tumbling violently onto the wooden floorboards of the terrace. A sharp, white-hot pain explodes through your shoulder as you hit the ground. You let out a breathless gasp, clutching your injured arm, unable to move.
Naoya stands over you, looking down at his trembling wife with chilling indifference. He steps closer, his wooden sandals clicking right next to your head, and slowly raises his hand, his fingers curling into a tight fist to strike you across the face.
You close your eyes tightly, bracing for the blow—
“Lord Naoya.”
The deep voice of an elderly clan servant suddenly echoes from the end of the hallway. “The clan head demands your immediate presence in the main meeting hall. The elders from the Gojo clan have just arrived.”
Naoya’s hand freezes inches from your face. He lets out a sharp, clicked tongue of immense frustration, his eyes snapping back down to your pale, tear-streaked face.
He slowly lowers his hand, smoothing down his haori with terrifying calmness. He looks down at you one last time, his eyes cold and devoid of mercy.
“Consider yourself lucky that duty calls,” Naoya siffs out, his voice smooth and dripping with an implicit promise of future violence. He steps right over your injured body without a second glance. “Don't bother moving from that floor. We are going to settle this little rebellion of yours the exact moment I get back.”
━━━ ✦ 宿儺 RYOMEN SUKUNA ✦ ━━━━━━━━
The grand hall of the temple is dark, illuminated only by the flickering glow of massive fire pits. The air is thick with the heavy scent of blood. Ryomen Sukuna is lounging carelessly upon his throne of skulls, his massive, four-armed frame radiating a suffocating pressure. At the foot of his steps, two guards violently throw a battered, bleeding prisoner onto the cold stone floor. Your breath hitches. It is your uncle—the man who raised you, captured tonight inside the inner palace walls while trying to break into your quarters to help you escape.
Sukuna leans his chin on his upper hand, his primary red eyes gleaming with a bored, sadistic amusement.
“A rat in my palace,” Sukuna rumbles, his deep, gravelly voice echoing off the high stone ceiling. “He was caught near your chambers, trying to steal away my favorite prize. I think I’ll take my time slicing the meat from his bones before I feed what’s left to the crows. What do you think, my lovely little thing? Shall we watch him beg together?”
You stand a few feet away, your entire body shaking violently. For months, you have accepted his possessive touch and stayed by his side, learning how to handle his monstrous whims just to keep the peace. But seeing your own blood dying on the floor obliterates your compliance. A desperate, reckless terror takes over.
You sprint forward, throwing yourself directly onto your knees between the throne and your uncle, your hands pressing flat against the cold stone as you bow your head in desperation.
“Lord Sukuna, I beg of you, please!” you scream, your voice piercing through the heavy silence of the temple. “Show mercy! He only did it because he loves me, he knows nothing of your strength! Please, Lord, spare his life! Do whatever you wish with me, I will never speak of leaving again, but I implore you, do not kill him!”
Sukuna’s movements instantly freeze. The casual twirling of his dagger stops. His amused expression slowly melts away, replaced by a terrifying, absolute stillness as all four of his red eyes lock directly onto you. The sheer audacity of you standing in his way, begging for a man who tried to tear you away from his side, is a direct insult to his possessive nature.
“You dare to stand in my way for the sake of a thief?” Sukuna commands, his voice dropping to a low, guttural vibration that makes the stones beneath your knees tremble. “You belong to me. Every hair on your head, every breath you take is mine. And you dare use your mouth to beg for a dog who tried to steal you from my bed? Step aside before I cleave you along with him.”
“No, Lord, please!” you wail, tears of pure terror and agony streaming down your face as you look up into his monstrous countenance, completely losing your mind with grief. “Look at him, he is bleeding to death already! Have you no mercy?! He is my family! You have taken my home, you have taken my freedom, must you take his life too?! Please, Lord Sukuna, I am begging you!”
The insult of you demanding mercy and choosing your family over his favor violently strips any lingering affection from his face. His eyes flash with a volatile, god-like rage, his four dark markings sharpening against his skin. He does not lower himself to argue when his authority is questioned. He simply snaps his fingers.
“Uraume,” Sukuna siffs out, his voice smooth, terrifyingly cold, and entirely devoid of emotion. “Remove this annoying creature from my sight.”
Instantly, Uraume steps out from the shadows, their eyes icy and expressionless as they signal the heavy guards. Before you can even reach out to touch your uncle one last time, two massive soldiers violently grab you by your arms, dragging you backward across the stone floor.
“No! Lord Sukuna! Please! Look at me! Lord!” you scream desperately, your fingers clawing at the air, your voice cracking into a raw, agonizing shriek as you are forcefully hauled away toward the heavy doors. “Do not do this! I am begging you, Lord! Spare him!”
Sukuna doesn't even watch you go. He completely turns his back to your screaming form, his four eyes fixing back on the bleeding man at his feet with chilling indifference, his twisted affection entirely replaced by cold wrath. Your desperate wails and tears mean absolutely nothing to the King of Curses when his pride is crossed. As the heavy wooden doors slam shut, cutting off your cries, the faint, sickening sound of his laughter echoes down the corridor, leaving you entirely powerless in the dark.
━━━ ✦ 虎杖悠仁 YUJI ITADORI ✦ ━━━━━━━━
The atmosphere inside the Jujutsu High dorm room is thick with an unbearable, looming dread. Outside, the sky is already turning a sickly, unnatural shade as the curtains begin to drop over Shibuya. Yuji is standing near his desk, bouncing slightly on the balls of his feet as he tightly secures his signature red hoodie. His face is set with an unwavering, intense focus, his wide eyes shining with that familiar, stubborn optimism that usually keeps you grounded.
“Hey, don't make that face! I’m gonna be totally fine, I promise,” Yuji says, a reassuring, bright smile stretching across his lips as he steps toward you. He reaches out, gently rubbing the back of his neck with a cheerful laugh. “The others are already heading out, and Gojo-sensei is gonna be there too! I’ve gotten way stronger, you know? I have to go with them and fight. If I stay here while everyone else is putting their lives on the line... I just wouldn't be me. So just wait here in the dorms, okay? I’ll be back before you know it!”
You stand right in front of the door, your chest tightening until it physically hurts to breathe. He’s talking about marching into a literal warzone like it’s a high school tournament. He has no idea what’s waiting for them down there, and watching him smile in the face of absolute horror makes something inside you completely shatter. The suffocating terror and frustration build up in your throat until you can't contain it anymore.
You step forward, grabbing the fabric of his red hood with both hands and yanking him down to your eye level, your voice tearing out of you in a raw, desperate scream that echoes off the small dorm walls.
“Stop being so damn stupid, Yuji! Just stop it!” you howl, your voice cracking violently as hot tears finally stream down your face. “Look at me! This isn't a normal mission! The city is burning, a curtain is dropping, and you’re casually talking about going into a suicide mission with a smile on your face! I don't care about your promises right now! If you go to Shibuya with the others, you aren't coming back the same... or you aren't coming back at all! Please, just stay here in the room! Just stay with me! Let someone else be the hero for once!”
Yuji freezes, his wide eyes blinking in absolute shock. His sunny, optimistic grin instantly drops, vanishing into a heavy, somber stillness. He looks down at your hands clutching his hood, his chest rising and falling softly as the weight of your raw agony finally registers in his heart. For a long moment, the cheerful teenager disappears, leaving behind a boy who carries the weight of a demon in his soul.
He slowly covers your trembling hands with his own large, warm palms. His expression shifts into something incredibly soft, deeply loving, but heartbreakingly resolute.
“I’m sorry,” Yuji whispers, his voice dropping to a gentle, quiet rumble that makes your heart sink. He doesn't look away from your tear-streaked face. “I know you’re scared. And I’m scared too. But if I stay locked in this room while my friends are bleeding out there... I won't ever be able to look at myself in the mirror again. I have to go. It’s who I am.”
Before you can scream at him again, Yuji leans down. He presses a soft, lingering kiss directly against your trembling lips—a small, bittersweet smack that carries all the unspoken devotion and love he has for you. It’s brief, but it tells you everything he can't put into words.
He gently pulls away, giving you one last, fragile smile as his warm fingers softly untangle your grip from his hood.
“I love you. Wait for me,” he says softly. Turning on his heel, he opens the dorm door and dashes out into the hallway to join the others, disappearing into the corridor without a single look back, leaving you entirely alone in the quiet room with the echo of his name on your lips.
━━━ ✦ 伏黒恵 MEGUMI FUSHIGURO ✦ ━━━━━
The familiar walls of the Jujutsu High dorm room feel incredibly suffocating tonight. Megumi is standing near his desk, his uniform jacket draped carelessly over a chair. His face is a map of fresh bandages, and his knuckles are raw and split from the brutal confrontation with the Special Grade at the Eishu Detention Center. His dark, spiky hair shadows his eyes, and his posture is completely stiff, radiating a cold, robotic neutrality that makes your stomach turn.
“The official report has been filed with the higher-ups,” Megumi says, his voice flat, completely devoid of any pitch or emotion as he stares blankly at the floorboards. “The mission was a failure due to a lack of preparation. It’s a done case. There's nothing more to discuss.”
You stand a few feet away, your chest tightening until it physically hurts to breathe. It has been barely two hours since the news arrived: Yuji Itadori’s heart had been ripped from his chest. Yuji was dead. Your mutual friend, the boy who filled these quiet halls with life, was lying on a cold slab. And here Megumi is, standing in his room, talking about it like it’s a standard piece of academic paperwork. The absolute refusal to show an ounce of grief, the brick wall he’s putting up to shut you out, makes a fierce, uncontrollable rage explode in your chest.
You march forward, breaking through his personal space and grabbing the collar of his shirt, physically forcing him to look at you.
“Is that seriously all you have to say, Megumi?!” you scream, your voice cracking violently as it echoes off the small dorm walls. “'It’s a done case'?! Yuji is dead! He died right out there, and you're standing in your room acting like it’s just a standard mission error! You fought beside him, you watched it happen, and you don't even have the decency to show a shred of emotion?! How can you be so utterly heartless?! Stop acting like a machine and face the reality of what happened!”
Megumi opens his mouth to deliver another sharp, logical rebuttal to defend his composure, but as he takes in your blazing, tear-streaked face, the words completely die in his throat. His stoic, unbothered mask violently shatters, his entire body going completely rigid under your tight grip.
“You think I don't feel anything?!” Megumi suddenly roars back, his voice cracking into a raw, fierce shout you have never heard from him before. His dark eyes fly wide, instantly filling with thick, heavy tears that he can no longer suppress, his jaw trembling violently. “I am the reason he’s dead! I’m the one who told him to save people at that detention center! If I hadn't been too weak to defeat that curse, he would never have had to switch with Sukuna! He died right in front of my face, looking at me, and I couldn't do a single damn thing to save him!”
The admission tears through his throat like a physical wound. The brilliant, logical prodigy completely short-circuits, his chest heaving heavily as the weight of his immense guilt and grief finally breaks through his defenses. He looks down at his trembling, blood-stained hands, his breath hitching as a single, heavy tear spills over his lashes and drops onto the floor.
“I’m terrified,” he confesses in a rough, broken whisper, his stubborn pride entirely collapsing as he sags forward under the weight of his own pain. He drops his forehead heavily against your shoulder, his large hands coming up to clench tightly into the fabric of your sleeves. He clings to you with a desperate, crushing strength, his broad shoulders shaking violently as he finally allows himself to break down and weep. “I lost my sister, I lost my classmate... I can't keep doing this alone. If I lose you too... I won't survive it. Please, just don't let go of me right now. I don't know how to fix this.”
I’m coming back with some soul-crushing angst as an apology gift for my absence. I couldn't see myself doing it any other way, so yes, it’s very long ( ̄Д ̄) Writing the Toji one absolutely broke my heart, and I’m still not over it.... Don't say I didn't warn you!
Likes are really appreciated and reblogs are what keep this blog alive. If you enjoyed this please consider sharing! (っ˘ω˘ς )♡
Please create a Masterlist so that the book chapters can be easily found.
Thanks
Hi 👋☺️. I've already made the masterlist so there won't be any problems with the chapters and they'll be easy to find. It's pinned to my profile. Thanks for your suggestion and I hope you enjoy the story ✨.
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As we left, I thought we should talk, but I didn't know about what.
What could someone like me possibly say to someone like you?
I couldn't tell you about the customs of my homeland or moments from my life. Nor did I think it right to ask why your eyes had grown so sad when you said goodbye to that man.
"How is it that you're so quiet?"
"I simply... enjoy the silence during the walk."
"Oh, come on. Aren't you curious? I'm sure you've been wondering what kind of relationship I have with Nanami, and I'd rather you be honest and rude than make assumptions about my life. It's difficult to believe that Nanami and I are only friends."
"Too late. I thought you loved Mr. Nanami. And it's obvious that he loves you."
"Impossible. Mr. Nanami is a cold, pragmatic man who's engaged to Mei Mei, a disgustingly wealthy woman."
I glanced at you from the corner of my eye, waiting for you to say more, but you fell silent after that.
It was a cruel punishment because I began forming theories and trying to think of you as something predictable.
Allow me to apologize for that.
Though it no longer matters now, because the past has already happened, and the desire to change it—or regret actions already completed—was something you hated.
I understand why.
Nothing that has happened can be changed, and that reality chained you to others.
"He loves you. He looked at me with suspicion. He was afraid I might be one of your suitors."
You laughed, and I don't think it was because there couldn't have been such a possibility.
Rather, it was because I had shown vanity.
You must forgive me, Y/N.
It is undeniable that we were destined to meet.
"No, he doesn't love me because he can't love me. That's the reality of it. He leaves, and I stay. Whether we love each other or not is insignificant. The choice that was made was the correct one."
"The correct one?" I rolled my eyes and sighed in frustration. "You won't admit it, but you look frustrated. That's because you're being a coward about your feelings."
"In what way am I being a coward?"
"If you love him, then you should go and tell him. You're afraid of rejection, or of not being good enough, but you're beautiful. Besides, there's clearly a great deal of familiarity between you, and there's nothing about you that would make you a monster."
"Mr. Nanami and I know perfectly well how we feel, and we've chosen not to say it, even if it's obvious. Everyone makes their own choices and follows their own path in life. We would have been unhappy together."
"Why?"
"Because I'm engaged too, boy from Cipango."
I was surprised when you admitted that you were engaged.
Ever since I met you, I had never imagined you were someone who sought a traditional life.
Though at the time, I didn't know there was something you desired more than anything else.
Nor did I know that pain would become the thing that hurt both of us the most.
Silence accompanied us for the rest of the walk.
I was speechless.
Even more so when I saw the mansion where you lived.
Did everyone live in houses like these?
You looked at me and motioned for me to enter.
Where I grew up, ours was a large house, but it was much like the others in the neighborhood.
A wooden house with sliding doors; Yuuji always broke the fusuma whenever he became excited to see me.
The tatami mats; without a doubt, Esou's favorite place to sleep.
The spacious garden and the engawa, where Kechizu would always run off to hide.
And undoubtedly my favorite place of all: the tokonoma, where I would practice calligraphy and enjoy moments of solitude.
Now I saw large pieces of furniture adorned with various decorations, people moving from one place to another, rooms that often looked remarkably similar, and you simply guided me forward until you stopped.
"Naoya, how many times do I have to tell you that you can't come into my house?" You frowned before indicating a room. "You can rest there. I'll let you know when dinner is ready. Don't hesitate to call for the servants if necessary."
"Who's that?"
"I am—"
You pushed me into the room and shut the door.
"You don't need to know who I invite into my house. That's my business, and now leave. I can't stand the sight of you."
"We've already discussed this. Three months until the wedding, and you need to let go of whatever your father made you believe. But you are never going to speak to me with that arrogant attitude again."
I couldn't hear anything else beyond the sound of your footsteps moving away.
If I had stepped out and embraced you, would your pain have disappeared?
You had saved me from being put on display.
Yet it took me far too long to understand what—or who—I needed to save you from.
Silence settled comfortably between us. I wanted to say something to you, but then I realized we had never introduced ourselves.
"I never told you my name, and I don't know yours either."
"You don't need to tell me who you are. That would only create complications, don't you think the same, Japanese man?" A mischievous smile quickly appeared on your face. "Besides, it's more exciting if we know nothing about each other. Just two people together in a sort of encounter that was destined to happen."
"I think... I think I understand. But... what should I call you, miss?"
"Well... I don't know." Your fingers moved to your lips thoughtfully before you laughed. "Whatever you wish, Japanese man. I won't complain."
"That's difficult... Perhaps... Savior?"
Your laughter rang out at that moment. I felt embarrassed, unsure whether I had said something wrong, but you shook your head.
"You make me sound important. We still know too little about each other to place that kind of value on one another."
"You saved me from that humiliating situation; to me, you are important." My fists clenched in anger as I remembered the incident. "I will be indebted to you for the rest of my life, Savior."
"Wait... Wait..." You covered your mouth, trying to hide an amused smile so as not to offend me. "I'm Y/N Y/L/N."
"Kamo Choso, pleased to meet you."
I stood and bowed respectfully before her. I was surprised when you gently patted my head.
"Choso..."
"Yes?"
"You're so strange. I'd like you to tell me what your life was like in Cipango."
"No. I can't." My voice was firm, accompanied by a repeated shake of my head. My shoulders tensed.
"What do you mean you can't?" You raised a curious eyebrow.
"Isn't Mr. Nanami taking a long time to bring the clothes?"
"What?" Your laughter echoed once more. "No, Mr. Nanami isn't going to fetch your clothes himself. He went to notify a maid and most likely locked himself in his study."
"And it takes that long?" My shoulders relaxed, and I sat down again. "Is it because of how many clothes he owns?"
"It's because of how many clothes he probably doesn't want to lend you." I watched you lean back in the armchair, forgetting the previous topic. "You're from another place. I don't mean that Kento is a bad person or intolerant, but... he loves order. Everything has a place and an owner. You're not the owner of his clothes, but he's not stingy."
"So he'll give me clothes he no longer remembers buying or obtaining, am I correct?"
"You are correct."
Silence settled between the two of us once more. My dark eyes met yours. My heart beat faster before the sound of footsteps reached us.
"Here."
Mr. Nanami himself brought the clothes for me. The seriousness of his tone sent chills down my spine.
"Thank you, Mr. Nanami." I prepared to bow, but he raised a hand to stop me.
"It isn't a favor. I don't want the clothes back, either. You should thank Miss Y/N."
I nodded before looking at you and seeing your eyes widen in surprise. His hand took yours and guided it toward his lips. His dry lips rested against your knuckles and placed a delicate kiss there, lasting only a few seconds that felt eternal.
Your flushed face and your sad gaze were all I needed to know.
You loved each other.
Although that love was not strong enough for either of you to fight for what you truly wanted.
I witnessed your farewell and your separation.
Back then, I looked away.
Today, remembering what happened once more, I would not have done that.
I would have wrapped my arms tightly around you from behind and covered your eyes so he would never see how completely he had broken your heart.
If I could describe you that day, I would say you were brave, different, and a savior. Because to me, you were the first person to extend a hand after nine months of captivity at sea. I followed you, trying not to lose sight of you.
"They're barbarians. They think they can take something and turn it into a spectacle."
I kept following you. I hoped you would say something else that would shed light on what was really happening. No matter where I looked, everything was far from home. The strange clothes people wore, the streets, the weather, the sights of everyday life. Meanwhile, you seemed perfectly capable of navigating it all on your own.
"I believe you're from Cipango. Strange that you're not in your homeland."
"Well... I didn't end up here of my own free will."
"I imagined you'd say something like that. After all, the way they treated you was degrading. Your clothes are torn; if you don't mind, Japanese man, would you like to come to my house and borrow some clean clothes?"
"New clothes?"
"Yes, new clothes. Do you intend to walk around in those half-torn garments? I won't force you to do anything you don't wish to do, but... I'm offering help."
My reluctance to part with my torn clothes came from the fact that, if there was any connection left between me and my homeland in those moments, it was those clothes. Even so, I followed you like a puppy follows its owner. I even looked at you with admiration.
The mansion that soon stood before me could only be described as lavish and old. You took the door knocker and struck it three concise times. A dark-skinned maid opened the door. I had never seen anyone so different before, but my admiration was not unusual. You greeted her warmly, while I simply bowed.
The place was spacious. Polished and carved wooden furniture, regularly coated with varnish, gleamed with spotless perfection. Directly ahead stood a staircase leading upstairs, but I could not help noticing the man leaning against the banister. He was tall, with blond hair and tired eyes.
"What brings about this unexpected visit?"
His voice was cold and distant. You simply climbed the stairs and stopped in front of him. I saw your smile, but it was neither gentle nor affectionate. It was mischievous, almost bordering on self-satisfied. Neither of you looked away.
"I've made a new friend, and as you can see, he's rather lacking in proper clothing."
"And why should that be my problem? I should remind you that your 'friends' are of no concern to me, and I do not involve myself in charity. I manage money. That's my field. Beyond that, I provide no assistance. Besides, you've come to my house without any prior notice."
"You're right," you admitted, leaning against the banister. "You're a banker. You only handle accounts. But you're also a man."
The blond man raised an eyebrow, intrigued by your words. I admit, so was I. Then he shook his head and descended the stairs until he stood on the same step as you.
"And what does that have to do with anything?"
"A great deal. My friend is in need of new clothes because, as you can see..." You discreetly gestured toward me. "They're torn, dirty... He can't walk around London—or anywhere else—looking like that. I'd lend him my own clothes." You turned to look at me. "I sincerely would lend him my clothes, but... do you think he'd be comfortable wearing them?"
I immediately shook my head.
You laughed, undoubtedly amused by the speed and certainty of my answer.
"I see where you're going with this." He let out a tired sigh. "I won't deny you anything, you know that." His hand came to rest on your shoulder. "I'll lend him some clothes I should have lying around. No need to return them. We both know that would only be an excuse to come see me, and I should inform you that this week I'll be leaving for the Kingdom of Denmark to visit my grandfather."
"Good. No excuses to see each other." You gave a shy smile before closing your eyes. "Just leave me something that will fit him well. He'll be my guest."
"Give me a minute..." He sighed while his eyes briefly traveled over your figure.
When he turned and climbed the stairs, you guided me into a spacious sitting room. The furniture was minimalistic, making the place feel far more organized. You sat down, and your eyes slowly examined me twice.
"Have a seat," you offered politely. "Mr. Nanami doesn't usually lend things so easily. In fact, he dislikes lending out his clothes, but he's in a good mood today."
"You've known each other for a long time?" I asked as I tested the comfortable armchair. Compared to the cushions back in my homeland, these chairs were far more comfortable, and not sitting at floor level somehow made people feel closer. "I don't mean to pry into your affairs, but... I find it nearly impossible to ignore my curiosity."
"It's fine, it's fine." You laughed softly. "Alright, alright. Yes, that's the answer. Mr. Nanami and I have been good acquaintances for quite some time," you explained casually. "Having status makes you worthy of associating with others who possess the same wealth and standing... You know how it is."
"Good blood does not mix with bad blood."
We both spoke at the same time before silence settled between us.
I knew it.
That day, I knew it.
You and I were cut from the same cloth.
In our eyes were reflected obligations.
Important.
Predetermined.
Suffocating.
I know you.
I know you hate the idea of saying more than you've already thought. Perhaps, at that moment, we were strangers. Yet I needed nothing more than to see the exhaustion on your face and the pain that place caused you.Nor did I need anyone to tell me that the man upstairs was the one tearing your heart apart without mercy
If someone had told me years ago that this was my destiny... I would have accepted it all over again just to see you one more time. Your words are still tattooed on my skin, and I think more about you than I do about myself.
Some call it madness, others obsession, and my family thinks I can't move on. But the truth is that you are a sweet melody that stays in my head, and I do not wish to drive you away.
I never did. I never will.I wish I could return to that winter. A winter colder than usual, and I still did not understand what drove my parents to send me away from home. My duty as the eldest brother is to take care of my younger siblings, but that day I understood there were other obligations as well.
"Your complaints won't make your father decide not to send you to Europe, do you understand?" —my mother said in that soft voice of hers, but her gaze said much more. I could sense her fear of me going into the unknown.— "It is an opportunity for the family and—"
"An honor and a privilege that allows us to maintain a high status and display our abilities," —I said with a sigh, reciting from memory the typical phrases my mother, father, and even grandfather repeated endlessly.—"Can you understand why I feel uneasy about leaving my younger brothers behind?"
"A mother takes care of her children. You only have to watch over them. What reason do you have to feel uneasy?"
"I have been with Kechizu since he was a baby because you refused to breastfeed him due to his skin condition. You also hate Esou's back and keep them hidden from everyone else."
"You will never understand, Choso. To see those oni come out of me..." Her hands clenched her silk kimono as the sweetness in her eyes turned into intense fury directed at me. "My insides twist just thinking that I carried those two beings for nine months."
"My brothers are just as human as Yuuji," I said, hurt and angry because the woman I called mother could never admit her mistakes. She always pointed at others. Never herself. "Kechizu shows interest in his writing lessons..." A gentle smile appeared on my face for a few seconds. "But his scaly, cracked skin is the only thing you see."
My head turned sharply when my mother slapped me.We looked at one another. As if we were two strangers, and perhaps we were. Because it was not until I met you that I discovered myself. At that moment, I simply left with the things my mother had prepared for my new profession: oranda tsuji.
My parents were happy knowing that the shogun had promoted me to that position.The work was boring; I went to the port of Dejima. I met Dutch merchants and translated what was being said. Transactions, inventory inspections, and requests for goods. That profession brought status to the family, but at the same time it took away freedom. Constant surveillance and countless details to keep in mind so that no one would think I sympathized with foreigners.
"Hey!"
I turned around, not knowing why he was calling me or whether it would get me into trouble; still, I turned. But I did not speak and only glanced at him from the corner of my eye. A rare moment without supervision.
"Yes?"
"Japanese boy, is that paint on your face?"
"On my face? Ah... No. It is not paint. They are birthmarks."
"Birthmarks?"— His laugh was rough, but I noticed a glimmer of admiration on his face. I never thought those marks my parents despised would be interesting to foreigners.
"Funny!" He shook his head. "Come, Japanese boy. Come." He motioned with his hand for me to approach.
"Come?" I stepped back. "No... I should not... No..." My eyes darted from side to side as I hunched slightly. "I'm coming."
I saw him leading me toward the ship. At that moment I only thought that perhaps there was heavy cargo he wanted help carrying aboard. But I was foolish to go down first, because that Dutchman pushed me, causing me to hit my head.
By the time I regained consciousness, everything was dark. Sometimes I could feel the movement of the ship when the sea storms were fierce. Every now and then I could catch a glimpse of light, on days when I assumed the weather was fair. On particularly lucky days, I could eat something or drink a little water that was not in very good condition.
Seven months? Nine months? I spent that entire time locked away, unable to escape. Out of fear. Fear of being attacked. Fear of never seeing my younger brothers again.
The first time I saw sunlight was when that Dutchman and several others dragged me out. That place was chaotic. People shouted and moved in every direction. I looked around, seeing countless ships and cargo constantly being transported. Various smells—tar, mud, and rotten fish—hit me all at once, making me dizzy.
"Quick!"
"The cage!"
"Take off his clothes!"
I could not react. I was weak from malnutrition and thirst after spending so long in that dark place. The foreigners organized themselves. Two brought a large, sturdy cage, while two others tore at my clothes. In their haste, they only managed to rip my garments apart.
"Come closer and take a look!" one of the foreigners shouted.
"A monster straight from Cipango itself!"
"Mom! Mom! Look, a monster!"
The boy tugged at his mother's skirt, and she, horrified by my marks, pulled her child away from me.People soon surrounded me. Frightened, I stepped back without knowing how to escape, but the blows, spit, and insults quickly followed. I covered my face, horrified by myself; for the first time, I understood my mother. My birthmarks are hideous.
"Stop!" —you exclaimed as you pushed your way through the crowd. "What are you doing? Putting a person in a cage just because they have something different about them? Just because they come from another place?"
Your voice was gentle. My frightened gaze met yours. Those eyes (eye color.) They were the most beautiful thing I had ever seen in my life. Your hand did not tremble when you snatched the padlock from that Dutchman's hand. You opened the cage. You gave me the freedom that had been stolen from me for so long in a matter of seconds. You saved me, you helped me... You were the first person to do that.
A narrative recounted through letters from Choso to Y/N.
Choso is the eldest son of a Japanese noble family, entrusted with the care of his younger siblings. Owing to his father's closeness to the shogun, he secures a position for his eldest son, simultaneously aiding in the elevation of the family's standing. On his first day serving as Oranda Tsūji, Choso is abducted by a Dutch merchant who is captivated by the markings on his body.From the port of Dejima, he is taken to London, where the Dutch merchant intends to exhibit him as a curiosity in a so-called 'freak show'. It is in this environment that Choso encounters Y/N, the daughter of a distinguished physician, who assists him in his escape. Yet for Choso, the mere act of having departed Japan signifies that he can never return without facing a sentence of death.Far from his family, Choso will forge a relationship with T/N, who will teach him to perceive the world in a manner starkly different from the upbringing he received. Choso must struggle for his freedom against a society that despises him for being different. Is there hope for a happy ending for one whose homeland regards him as a traitor?
⚠️ CONTENT WARNINGS (READ AT YOUR OWN RISK)
This work is set within a historical context marked by profound social, cultural, and gender inequalities. Throughout this narrative, sensitive themes are explored that may prove distressing to some readers, including physical and psychological violence, misogyny, discrimination based on appearance and origin, abuse of power, marital coercion, and oppressive social dynamics characteristic of the era.Moreover, the narrative examines grief, despair, emotional trauma, and voluntary death within a tragic and romantic framework, treated from a literary and symbolic perspective.The oppressive ideas and behaviors depicted in the story serve narrative and critical purposes as part of its period portrayal and do not reflect the author's personal viewpoint.
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