There's Incorrect Quotes in that Nebula

Janeway

Classical literature, poetry, and every book Chakotay has ever owned, all “temporarily borrowed”

A few smutty romance novels she swears are “anthropological studies”

A stack of technical manuals she absolutely does not need

1001 Pubs to Visit Before You Die, bookmarked at every Irish one

A half-finished Klingon cookbook she keeps meaning to return to B’Elanna

A tiny notebook titled Coffee: A Love Story (self-authored)

Chakotay

A bunch of empty shelves

A couple of newly replicated self-help books

Tuvok

Vulcan poetry (the kind that makes humans cry from boredom)

Dealing With Humans: A Survival Guide - Expanded and Revised Vulcan Language Edition, which he has personally annotated with the intent of contacting the publisher one day with his recommendations

When Nasal Inhibitors Fail: A Tactical Response Manual

Vulcan recipe books, with recipes bookmarked for Neelix's interest in the hopes they'll be "zesty" enough to avoid alteration

War and Peace, because Janeway gave him it, insisting he “broaden his horizons”

He has read it. He did not enjoy it. It was originally Chakotay’s.

B’Elanna

Technical manuals, half of them annotated with “Tom, stop touching this”

Several smutty romance novels, and some steamy classical literature, loaned to her by Janeway, who cannot remember where she got them from...

A secret stash of poetry she will deny exists

Tom Paris

Technical Manuals for Dummies, all with sarcastic notes from B’Elanna

The Pop-Up Kamasutra (he claims it’s “for educational purposes”)

The Guinness Book of Galactic Records

A collection of pulp sci-fi novels he pretends are ironic

A holo-novel script titled Captain Proton and the Curse of the Spider Queen

Harry Kim

Sheet music. So much sheet music. Enough to build a small fort.

A self-help book Janeway gave him, filled with handwritten notes that look suspiciously like Chakotay’s attempts at encouragement

A book titled How to Advance your Starfleet Career that he keeps “for motivation”

A copy he was given by Megan Delaney as a gift

A third copy Tom got him as a joke

The Doctor

Photons Be Free

One poetry collection gifted by Janeway

Chakotay swears it’s his

A medical textbook he wrote himself, titled I’m Surrounded by Organics

A holo-novel manuscript called The Doctor’s Odyssey, which he insists is “not autobiographical”

A single romance novel he claims is “research”

Neelix

A few Vulcan books because he thinks the script is pretty

Every cookbook in the database, including ones he definitely shouldn’t be using

Books on herbology and home remedies, half of which contradict each other

A Talaxian children’s picture book called The Happy Leola Root

Kes

Horticultural books, many with pressed flowers inside

Fantasy novels and fairytales she reads to calm her mind

Anthropology books Janeway thought she’d like, but she's certain they belonged to Chakotay once upon a time

A meditation guide she borrowed from Tuvok and actually returned

Seven of Nine

She does not require books

She has perfectly memorised the entire database

B’Elanna gave her How to Win Friends and Influence People

She read it, annotated it, and returned it with a 47-page appendix explaining why it is “ineffectual”

She keeps one physical item: a tiny engineering manual Harry gave her, because he looked so hopeful

Ayala

Several of Chakotay's books he's spotted while in various peoples' quarters

He's feigned interest in them and plans to return them to Chakotay

Once he's read them himself, but he's a slow reader

Janeway: Captain’s Log: I’m going to go LARP as a Victorian governess before I cut a bitch.

Miss Templeton: Welcome to Lord Burleigh’s house. If you mess with him I will kill you. Janeway: That's fine. I can kill you with the “delete program” command. Burleigh: Hello. My kids are feral and disturbed. Fix them. Also don’t go to the fourth floor. Ever. Janeway: Totally not ominous.

Kim: Captain, Chakotay and Tuvok are dying. Again. Janeway: Sigh. End holonovel. Back to real problems.

Doctor: I think the aliens meant to empty Chakotay's recycling bin and ended up deleting everything Doctor: Why am I stuck in a partial remake of Spock's Brain? Janeway: Why did you give him the sexy, sparkly blanket? Doctor: ...I'm trying to brighten up your day?

Tuvok (waking up): We were attacked by a ship in a dark matter nebula. Janeway: Why? Tuvok: Unknown. I was unconscious. Commander Chakotay was… even more unconscious.

Paris: Captain, the ship keeps changing course and it wasn’t me. Kim: The computer says it was you. Paris: She's lying!

Torres: Captain, I didn’t shut down the warp core. Janeway: Well someone did, and it was definitely you. Torres: No I fucking didn't!

Janeway: This ship is becoming a gaslighting simulator.

Doctor: Something used Mr Paris and Ms Torres' brains like rental cars. Janeway: So we have a car-pooling alien onboard? Tuvok: Correct. Paris: Can it hop into the Doctor? Doctor: I’m holographic, Lieutenant. I am immune to possession and nonsense. Janeway: Doctor, congratulations. You’re now the failsafe commander of Voyager. Doctor: I dislike this. Janeway: If any of us act weird, you override us. Doctor: I already override you emotionally. Paris: I suddenly feel safer.

Kes: Captain, I sense an alien presence. It’s weird. It’s everywhere, and accompanied by an ominous pan pipe leitmotif. Janeway: Great. Love that for us. Tuvok: I can help her focus with a mind‑meld. Kes: Sure, let’s do psychic teamwork. Janeway: Proceed. Try not to explode anything.

Kes and Tuvok: *unconscious* Kim: Oh good. The alien’s speedrunning the crew.

Tuvok: We were attacked again. Same weird energy. Paris: Let’s scan the whole ship at once. Kim, staring into the void: Tuvok: I must end Mr. Kim. Kim: WHAT DID I DO?!

Neelix: Doctor, Ensign Parsons is possessed. Doctor: Neelix, a man suddenly ordering a frappe is not evidence of alien possession.

Janeway: Kes was physically attacked. Not energy‑zapped. Tuvok: I did nothing. Maybe it was Vorik? Janeway: I know Vorik can be special, but in this instance I think the alien took you for a test drive Tuvok, pouting: Fine, scan me then. Janeway: Computer, activate the Doctor. Computer: No. Janeway: …No? Computer: He’s been attacked by ransomware. Tuvok: The alien wants the command codes back in a humanoid so he can possess them.

Janeway: It wants me then, oh, joy. Fuck this whole quadrant. Let’s split the codes before someone puppets me like a marionette. Janeway: Crew, the Doctor’s offline. We’re dividing command codes— Janeway: *Decks Tuvok* Tuvok: She’s the alien! Kill her! I mean, stun her! Tuvok: *shoots everyone* Tuvok: That was much easier

Torres: Captain, we have another sentient nebula on our hands. This one likes to delete brains. Janeway: So Tuvok's pants are on fire? Torres: Alien‑possessed Tuvok lied. Tuvok: No I didn't, look at these sensor readings Janeway: That looks like a lot of fake news to me Tuvok, draws phaser: I'm in charge, the captain is possessed. I’m taking command. Kim: With all due respect sir, no.

Durst: We’re entering the nebula Kim: Captain, energy beings incoming. Durst: I just had expositionary dialogue. Does this mean I'm not a redshirt anymore?

Tuvok (alien voice): We are the Komar. All your base are belong to us.

B'Elanna: I think I just got alien‑hijacked. I ejected the warp core. Paris: How?! The alien’s in Tuvok! Kim: Unless… there are two aliens. Janeway: Computer, who authorised the warp core ejection? Computer: The brain dead wonder in sickbay did.

Neelix: Captain, I think I was possessed. I rearranged Chakotay’s weird cloth and rock thing. Janeway: Put it on screen. Paris: It’s a map. Janeway: How the fuck you work that one out? Paris: It's here in the script Janeway: Paris: …The stones match the planetoids?

Durst: Shields failing! I'm officially a mauve shirt! Kim: We’re clear! The aliens aren’t pursuing!