the-boho-mama

Until you become a mom you really truly do not understand the weight that your mom actually carried daily. 

*Usually* she is in charge of the daily events. Making sure there is food in the pantry stocked with your favorite breakfast. She makes sure you have clothes for every season. She makes sure you are up to date with every appointment and meeting every mark. She makes sure you are going to school. She makes sure you have clean clothes, towels, dishes and so much more. 

She does all of this plus raise us and try to take care of herself along with the household. 

Now I fully understand it. 

I understand the loneliness of being a mom. Everyone expects you to do all of these “duties” without a single question or complaint, because this what “good mothers do”. 

Mom guilt is the realist feeling I have ever felt. 

I feel guilty when I want to have 10 minutes to myself to do my makeup, find an outfit or just to sit in a moment of silence by myself. 

I feel that me feeling these feelings of wtf why do I always have to do everything just because I am the mom? Why do I have to feel like I am always the one to just figure it all out for the babies, my husband and myself?

It’s because as moms if we ask for help we feel weak and that we lack the ability be the “good mom.” 

Being a mother you are just expected to be able to handle all of these responsibilities without feeling overwhelmed, tired or even resentful. 

That’s bullshit. 

Of course mom’s will do whatever for their children to be happy and loved. But, it would be nice for the standard of your “goodness” as a mom not to be based on what all you do for your babies, husband and maybe yourself (because you know you feel you always have to be last). 

Why can’t your “goodness” be based on how happy and loved your babies are?

Why can’t good moms be the ones that take care of themselves first? Make sure they are the best version of themselves for their themselves, babies and husband? 

Isn’t that an important lesson teach our children? That in order to give your best daily you must take care of yourself first. So then you can give that back to your family, partner, friend and even work. 

Being a good mother is hard. Being a mom in general is hard. 

Mama, today is the day we acknowledge that us even feeling this means we are a good mother. 

We are the best mothers to the babies we are blessed with. No one else would be better. 

av·er·age: n. 1 the typical or normal amount, quality, degree, etc.

That’s me. Average. 

I have never overly exceeded in anything in life. I have always just been average. 

I’m average height, had the average GPA, averagely funny, just average. 

Lately it’s been hard for me to be comfortable with that. It’s actually a lonely feeling. Especially when you feel others around you or social media posts show you the non average aspects of their lives.

I totally will compare my body, style, house, parenting style, marriage, just my life as a whole and begin to feel empty. 

Even though I know that is just a small glimpse into their reality. But, it’s hard even as an adult not to get sucked into that picture perfect moment and believe it’s not their actual life. 

Stupid right?

As I have been sulking in my “lack” of, I got brutally honest with myself. I may be just average and that’s okay. 

I realized that I have so many things in my life that are far from being average. 

I have a rockstar of a husband and have a healthy marriage. I have two beautiful red headed children (that I am utterly obsessed with).  I have the best  family and circle of friends.  I have a pretty cute little house that I get to call a home. 

Social media has a funny way of distorting the real blessings in life. 

If you use any social media and are a parent, I am sure your feed is filled with gentle parenting tips and how awful traditional parenting is. Listen, I am not a full on tyrant or always use an Elmo voice to discipline my lovely toddler (even though these days he is mostly a raging crotch goblin) so I like to use the method right in between the both extremes. Lukewarm Parenting? I will think of a better term later or I am sure someone else already has. 

Isn't it so weird how social media or others opinions really have you second-guessing everything you have ever done with your babes? I know I constantly am like; yup, my kid will be fucked up because I yelled when he smacked me for tenth time. Or questioning myself like did I really even get through to him when I corrected him with a gentle parent method? Will I now be considered too easy going as a parent because I really don't care that he was throwing his stuffed dog and laughing about it? Is he going to be labeled “bad” to others? 

Then I came to this conclusion. Fuck that and them.

We as parents should be able to feel that we know what is best for our babies. We know them better than anyone does. As long as our children are happy, living their best life and still giggling every day I think that is a sign that we are doing just dandy. 

At the end of the day all we want is for them to grow up to be good human beings. 

So, yeah... Let's just say I am totally new at sharing my actual words with social media. Do I have any idea of what I am doing? Absolutely not. Not even a clue.

Let's dive into some personal shit. I wanted to start a blog to feel like I had something of just my own. Something outside of my identity as a wife, mother and friend. A safe place for my thoughts, if you will.

What I really hope is that this blog helps you and I both find ourselves a little sanctuary where we can be real about the bullshit motherhood throws at us daily, difficulties of being a wife and just being a weird ass millennial trying to navigate through the childhood trauma and learning how to smile through it all.