lupus

Maybe this was what Nikki was good at? Pushing people away when he needed them most because it was easier that way. The thing was Nikki had never had to count on someone as much as Theo before. Not even his own father was something he could count on. He’d grown accustom to keeping everything locked inside until it drove him completely insane. Which could’ve been why he was constantly falling into things he shouldn’t because he didn’t cope with things well. That being said, it wasn’t Theo’s job to take care of him, especially when he was being rude to her. He was right about one thing and that was the fact that Theo did deserve better than the person he became sometimes. 

“You know what you’re right, no one forced me to be here.” There were many moments Nikki had thought of Theo first. Like wanting to be better for her, trying to hide things from her to protect her, even if that wasn’t the right way to go about it, and so on but there were also moments he didn’t think about all the details. Like the fact that Theo did know him better than anyone and there were times, just like him, that she needed reassurance that the trauma they went through together, that they were working through the struggles, or that he was. Rather than ignoring them and leaving her in fear that he’d fall off track. He didn’t think of just how much Theo cared about him sometimes. That his struggles were hers as well in sense. He honestly should’ve seen it being that it went both ways but Nikki had a hard time thinking anyone would really put that much time and dedication into him. “I don’t fucking need this right now.” He shot back, shaking his head before turning around and grabbing his wallet and keys off the side table as he heading towards the door. Running away, it was easy. Things got difficult so he’d do what he always did, right? Leave, drink too much, hide away until he started thinking like a normal person and was able to go on the apology train?

It was then something snapped into gear and he realized he couldn’t leave. He was still on edge, frustrated with himself, and felt like he was going to lose his mind but he couldn’t leave… He couldn’t be petty and stubborn. Not when they were in a relationship, not when they’d been through so much, it wasn’t fair to either of them. Nikki dropped his hand from the door knob and took a breath before turning back around and walking back over to Theo. “Can we just… Ignore all that?” Fucking hell, he was coming off as such a spastic psychopath. “We can just go back to watching the movie.” 

I don’t fucking need this right now.

She wanted to scream at the top of her lungs that neither did she. That she didn’t need to feel as if she was balancing on a tight rope and it was him who got to decide if she fell to the hard earth without a net. Theo wanted to scream that all she had wanted was a night with her boyfriend after a long day at work or how she didn’t deserve to be treated as if she was just another one of his play things he could toy with whenever he wanted. The young woman wanted to scream that she didn’t deserve this. But she didn’t. Theo refused to sink to his level and to take the low road to try and hurt him.

Emerald eyes turned from him as she stared at a random picture on the wall, anything to get her focus away from Nikki. The jingle of his keys was impossible to miss, a sound that broke her heart to hear. He was leaving, just as she asked. For a second, Theo regretted the suggestion. The red head wanted nothing more for him to just tell her the truth, to just say what was on him mind and what was eating at him. She had to remind herself of his harsh tone, to tell herself that maybe it would be better if he just left for the night. She wouldn’t sleep a wink out of worry or fear, but at least that space would be there for each of them to breathe.

“No, no we can’t”, Theo spoke without hesitation as she let out the breath that she had not realized she was still holding. Pushing herself up from the couch, she crossed her arms once more as she stood behind him. “You can’t just bite my head off and then want to go back to being affectionate”, she pointed out. “I know you, Nikki. I know when something is off and you’ve been quiet all night. You just chewed me out for laying against you when you were just saying how much you loved it. So what the hell is actually going on?”

There was no question that Nikki was acting differently, especially from the guy that had been spending so much time around Theo as of lately. Nikki had been on his best behavior, at least when it came to cutting out the petty bullshit. The fighting, the arguing, the trouble making. It wasn’t that he was trying to be someone different to impress Theo, Theo knew who he was going into this relationship. It was more so, he wanted to be better for her. It was something he wanted for himself because he knew Theo deserved a lot better than the guy that he could be at times. Although, all his dedication to be better was flying out the window in mere seconds as Nikki looked at Theo with an almost annoyed look on his face. Sometimes this fucking guy was a mess. 

“Does something have to be wrong?” Nikki asked, the frustration was clear in his voice and if he would’ve just shook himself out of it, he’d realize how much of a dick he was coming off as and he’d kick his own ass. Here he had this girl that wanted to be with him, here he had this girl that felt bad thinking she offended him in someway and was ready to fix the problem and rather than talking to her about what was really going on he chose to let her continue to feel bad. It really wasn’t one of Nikki’s best moments and if he wasn’t so in his head in that moment, he’d see that. “I just want some water.” Raising his hand up, he ran his fingers through the front of his hair, it was a tell of his. He had to do something with his hands, he had to move around and apparently he had to snap like some kind of asshole. “You know, we don’t have to be on top of each other all the time, we can give each other some space.” He said dryly. “Give each other some space to get some fucking water without there being some hidden message beneath it.” 

They had a long friendship that spanned more time than any relationship she had ever known. In many ways, Theo knew that if there was anyone in the world who knew everything about her, it was Nikki. The thing he seemed to forget was that the knowledge and understanding of one another went both ways. Theo knew him better than anyone else, she knew when there was something wrong and she knew when he wasn’t the same boy she was growing to love. For a moment, there was a fear that coursed through her. A fear that he had sunk a needle deep into his skin yet again. The thought pained her, but the tone of his voice and the look on his face was not warranted. 

“Then get your fucking water”, she spit back, emerald eyes turning to him with an ignited annoyance aflame. No matter what was bothering him, she didn’t deserve to be spoken to like that. Not for wanting to curl up with her boyfriend and certainly not for caring enough to ask. “Go ahead and get your fucking water and while you’re in there, why don’t you get your fucking attitude checked. The last I checked you didn’t have to come over tonight, no one forced you. And if you want your space then you can certainly see yourself out the front fucking door”, her rage continued, her arms crossed over her chest in an act of defiance. Theo stared over at Nikki, her heart aching at the twist their evening had taken at its most comfortable. But if he chose to play as if there was nothing stealing her boyfriend away for the night, then he could choose to leave.

here we fucking gooo; @thcomxson

         It was something they’d done quite a lot since they started seeing each other. Staying in at Theo’s place, watching a loop of movies that Nikki would either talk through and judge or fall asleep on Theo throughout the movie. It became common for them to stay in her place and get touchy feelsy with each other but tonight Nikki felt on edge. He’d been able to handle himself when it came to how on edge he felt up until tonight. It became something he couldn’t hide as well. He knew Theo knew better than anyone what he was going through but he’d already put her through so much thanks to this problem he had, he didn’t want to ruin what they were building. Little did he know he should just be honest so he didn’t snap on her without her having any idea what was going on with him. 

Feeling uncomfortable while Theo was leaning against him, it wasn’t Theo that was uncomfortable to him, of course it wasn’t Theo, but he felt so uncomfortable in his own skin everything was getting on his last nerve. Without warning, Nikki scooted over so she couldn’t use him to lean against anymore before pressing his lips together and sighing as he pushed himself up from the couch. “I’m gonna get some water.” It was a simple statement but there was no question there was some frustration in his voice as he spoke. It was almost like he was trying to pick a fight out of nothing. 

Things with Nikki had been undeniably smooth the last month. It was as if the transition from being best friends to something more was effortless. Maybe that was due to the fact that they had chosen to keep their relationship to themselves as much as they possibly could. The secrecy kept the prying eyes of the town out of their business, it made things more simple. At least, that was what she had hoped for and what had seemed to be working for them. Now, it seemed to spell a different story. As she laid with her had against his shoulder, Theo couldn’t help but focus on the movie. Though, she had noticed that he had become incredibly silent. 

But it was too late for her to say anything for Nikki was already rising away from her, making excuses to leave her presence. Theo couldn’t help but immediately feel regret bubbling below the surface. “I..”, sh started, sitting up straighter and letting her hands fall in her lap. “I don’t have to lay against you, we don’t have to watch a movie”, she mumbled, looking away from him entirely. “Did I do something wrong?”

Pouting his lips, Nikki brought his finger up to his chin and tapped it a little before breaking into a small smile. “I guess it helps that we’re both approaching new territory.” Which was true in more ways than one. This was new territory for the two of them, everything about this. Watching as she raised the bag and pulled out the hat, Nikki’s eyes widened at the gift. It was something he hadn’t expected and he sure as hell wished he would’ve thought this whole Valentines thing out before hand so he had something to give her as well. Unable to help the excitement when seeing the official Yankees gear, he reached out and took the hat in his hands before running his finger over the spring training patch on the side and then over the team logo. “You didn’t have to do all this.” Nikki said, the smile still on his face as his eyes fell back down to the hat. Raising it up, he placed it on his head. “How do I look? You still want me to be your Valentine?” Nikki teased before moving slightly so she could enter his apartment. “The answers yes by the way. I mean, it would’ve been a no if you didn’t pull out the hat but you know how to win me over with a good bribe.” Again, he teased before tilting his head towards the inside of his apartment. “Wanna come in? I’ll get dressed and we can do whatever people do on Valentines. You can hold my hand and whisper sweet nothings in my ear, you know that kinda thing.” 

It was new for them in a way. Though she had never been able to list a relationship Nikki had been in that meant anything, she had her share of heartbreaks that had iced her off from the idea of finding anything meaningful. What was the point in putting her heart on her sleeve if all that was going to happen was another heart break? But Nikki made he want to risk it, what they had made her want to try and see if all the boys before him hadn’t worked out because they weren’t him. So, new territory for her was the risk of the friendship and learning how to be more than just a friend to him. And that challenge started with this day. 

A smile pulled at her mauve painted lips as he put the hat on, a true joy seeming to take over his features. “I know, but I wanted to.” They didn’t need to exchange gifts on this day, but it was something she had wanted to do. Theo had wanted to show Nikki that, more than anything, he meant something to her. “Even more so, actually”, she confirmed, but didn’t rush to push into his apartment quite yet. Theo took the moment to test the waters, to rise up on her toes and press her lips to his for a brief and fleeting moment. “Hand holding and sweet nothings, got it. I can maybe even through in a few more kisses if you are a good boy today”, the woman teased right back, finally stepping through the threshold to his home.

Nikki had spent most of his time that morning and noon laying in bed being a complete mess. That was until he heard the knock on his door, causing him to groan slightly and push himself up from his mattress. Rubbing the back of his hand against his eyes, Nikki yawned before making his way to the door and opening it. Honestly, Theo being the one at his door made the trip from his bed to the door worth it. Listening to her, he had completely forgotten that it was Valentines Day but as she continued Nikki couldn’t help the smile that appeared on his face. It was cute, she was cute. “I don’t think I’ve ever been someone’s Valentine before.” Other than his mother when she was alive. “I’m gonna have to think on it.” He teased, it was such a strange feeling. Looking at Theo, someone who he had looked at plenty of times, but now everything was different. “What kinda things do you have in mind to make it worth my while?” Again, he was joking and if it wasn’t obvious by the smile on his face, he was obviously gonna accept and do this whole Valentines Day thing this year. 

“If it helps your decision, I’ve never had to ask someone to be my valentine before”, she teased, her brow arching playfully in his direction. She was used to being the valentine, but for Nikki she would gladly reverse the roles a bit for the sake of things. This was new territory for them, but it was an adventure she very much wanted to share with him. “Well, first, I clearly have a bribe for you”, she pointed out, lifting the bag in his direction once more. She didn’t even hesitate in reaching between the fluffing to pull out the hat. If there was one thing in the world she knew Nikki loved more in than music, it was his team. And with spring training around the corner, she knew that there was going to be a need for a new accessory. She pulled the white billed Yankee’s cap from the bag, finger tapping the new spring training logo on the side. “Good enough start for you?”

There was an anxiousness that came with standing at his door right now, an uncertainty on how to feel. They weren’t just the two best friends everyone knew anymore, that night in the rain had proved that much. But here, on Valentines day, Theo wanted to spend the day with him. She didn’t want to stay away from him any longer. And as the door opened to an all too familiar bed head, she couldn’t help the smile that drew at her lips. “What would you say to being my Valentine this year? It sounds stupid, but I promise I’d make it worth your wild”, she purposed, holding up a pink and red gift bag.

It was hard for Nikki to comprehend certain things. Like the fact that someone actually cared or the fact that someone would actually want him, even when finding out some of the darker and more messy parts of him. Hell, Nikki Marcello had a hard time believing that people could handle him longer than a few seconds. It was crazy, it was insane and so wrong for him to think that way. Especially when he had people in his life that stuck around. That was the thing though, some people, even people that are surrounded by the right people, or the right person, they still feel so desperately alone and still have a hard time wrapping their mind around the fact that people are there for them. Nikki had grown up feeling this way, it was hard to let go of a feeling that was burned into his brain ever since he was a kid. 

Then there was Theo and even though he’d always known she was there, she was his best friend, it seemed his eyes were being opened a little. The way she went as far as claiming she’d inject herself all because of him and although he had wished that had never happened. It opened his eyes to how much she cared and hurt when he hurt himself. Would he be able to wipe away the sadness or even the addiction like it was no problem now that he could see the way Theo cares for him? Probably not, but it made him want to try harder, it gave him reason to try harder. — and maybe that was wrong of him, to want to try harder to get and feel better because of a girl but he wouldn’t want it for himself and he didn’t know if he’d ever really want it for himself. 

“Can you?” He asked, still trying to process the fact that things seemed to be changing between the two of them. Raising his opposite hand, Nikki bushed the pad of his thumb under her eye, wiping away the wetness from the rain that fell around them. Nikki was quiet for a moment as if he was ignoring her comment when really he was just building up some courage. Keeping his eyes on hers, Nikki felt nervous, beyond nervous. He was nervous because he knew what he wanted to do, it’d change everything. Stepping closer, Nikki usually didn’t think this hard when it came to kissing a girl but this was different. There was a lot more on the line but there was also go much good that could come from it and in a weird way, that scared him as well because he’d never had that. Shaking the thoughts out of his head, he leaned down and finally after years of wanting to, pressed his lips against hers. 

There was a moment of fear that passed through her, wondering if Nikki was going to kiss her. She wondered if she had read the situation wrong, if her feelings that had only really just come to light were one sided. Theo was terrified that she had made a fool out of herself, for letting feelings blossom in a way that she could no longer ignore. The woman was laying her heart on the line, without physically saying the words that hung on the tip of tongue. Theo was tired of being just his friend, she wasn’t sure she could keep fooling herself into thinking that’s all they would ever become. Because she knew, deep in her heart, that there was so much more they were meant to become. 

And then it happened.

And then his lips were against her’s for the first time in years. There had been moments where kisses were so close, where temptation dangled on the tip of their tongues but they never once dared to cross the barrier to take what should of been theirs years ago. And now, Theo couldn’t help but melt into his grasp. Her body pressing against his as the timid kiss turned gentle, a reminder of the night so long ago that they had each other. A reminder of what he tasted like, what he felt like, and how he could make her feel. And he left Theo wanting so much more. Her fingers moved to tangle in his wet locks of hair, completely forgetting the rain as it fell around them. All she could think about was him as her tongue dared to ghost across his lesser lip.

             “Be careful, because I heard recycling is in, who knows maybe she will show back up and really sweep Nikki boy off his feet.” Ivy taunted the redhead, obviously having fun with seeing how her eyes reacted towards the other bitch who was rich as well. Wished she seen who it was so she can get news on the girl to blackmail. “I’m doing well…same old same old.” 

Theo couldn’t help the glazed over glare that landed on Ivy, a playful threat to be careful. “I think you’re trying to reclaim the rich bitch title again”, she hummed, drumming her fingers on the counter top. Though, Ivy had always been blunt. It was one of the reasons that Theo enjoyed spending a bit of time with her, a dose of reality was always good for the soul. “Why do I find that hard to believe?”

“I think I can make that happen,” Emilia commented, now craving a chocolate banana smoothie, too. As Theo got back on her feet, they made their way over to Sweet Peach, which was just a short walk from the yoga place. There were still some co-workers around, so no need to close the place. “So, tell me, T, what’s going on in your life?” 

Theo hesitated when it came to answering such a question, because it was one that she had to gauge. One that she had to wonder if she would speak and get a roll of the eyes from her friend. She decided to just swing and see what would come from the friendship she trusted. “Nothing much, though Nikki and I did kiss the other night”, she confessed, a light blush coloring her cheeks a light pink. “What about you?”

Nikki by all means wasn’t perfect and he never claimed to be. Everyone knew that the traits messy, idiotic, and disaster filled was Nikki in a nutshell. It didn’t matter how many sarcastic comments he threw out, people knew that he was a mess just by being in the same room as him for a couple seconds. That’s what made Theo so great to him or one of the many things that made her great was the fact that she didn’t look at him and see some guy that was barley hanging on. She saw a lot more than he’d ever seen in himself. She always had, just like he saw things in her. He believed in her music, in her talent, he saw how smart, funny, strong, and kind she was but the wild thing to him was that she was things in him too. She saw positive things in him, which he didn’t even think was possible. That’s what made everything that happened so hard. He couldn’t hide behind the rose colored glasses anymore. She seen the nasty parts of him and that scared Nikki more than anything. 

His name rang in his ears when she said it, causing him to stop in his tracks, to shut up for one second and look at her instead of continuing the rambling rampage he was going on. It was hard accepting someone’s words when they didn’t at all paint him as the bad guy. When she was so willing to never take back anything if it meant saving what he thought he had already destroyed. Nikki had never been great at accepting anything that felt good hearing but her words didn’t go on deaf ears. No, he listened and held onto every word that came out of her mouth. The whole thing seemed surreal, like he was in some sort of dream. He had never expected to be in this position with Theo. In a position where he could feel the line they painted between each other being carefully crossed. They were both sticking a toe into unknown waters. 

Unaware of what to say, Nikki looked away from her for a moment, his eyes falling to his feet before he looked back up and caught her eyes with his. Maybe it was because he was so in his head, thinking every single scenario out in his head but he had hardly noticed just how drenched the two of them were getting as the rain poured down on them. It was one thing having a feeling that things were changing between them, from the different looks they’d give each other or the way that things obviously went much deeper than a friendship but hearing her bring up that night from years ago, a night they both promised they’d never bring up. It made everything a lot more clear and a lot more real. Which was frightening but something he didn’t want to let go of. 

Silent for a moment longer, Nikki stepped closer, closing a lot of the distance between them before raising his hand up to her cheek and pushing some of the wet red strains of hair behind her ear, keeping his fingers tangled in her hair and his hand on the side of her face, he ran his thumb across the soft but wet skin against her cheek. Nikki wasn’t good with words when it came to things like this. It was something he clearly needed to work on but there was so much he wanted to say. So much that was caught in the back of his throat. Leaning forward, Nikki pressed his lips against her forehead, his eyes closing for a moment before opening again as he pulled his lips away. “I wouldn’t,” Nikki finally spoke, “I wouldn’t change that night because I now we both weren’t ready for whatever it is that’s here. We didn’t know how much it meant yet and we would’ve ruined it or.. I would’ve.” He really did believe that. “I just wish I hadn’t put you through all this pain while figuring it all out.” 

The confession was a thought that had run through her mind hundreds times now. Maybe even a thousands, if she was honest with herself. The thought that so much pain and so much suffering would of been spared if she had allowed herself to feel something that night so long ago, maybe they would of been together. Maybe he would of never relapsed, maybe they would be so much further into a relationship. Maybe they would both be happy. There were too many maybes that she couldn’t help but dwell on.

But then his words really struck her. It was an answer that was mature and honest, something that took her by surprise because it was a way to think of their relationship that had never once crossed her mind. All Theo could dwell on was the time lost between them and not the other things that had been gained in the wake. A friendship and a bond stronger than anything else she had ever experienced. He was right and that only seemed to bring a grin back to her lips. If this was what it meant to see a bit of Nikki’s heart, she could certainly get used to that.

“I could think of a few ways that you could make it up to me”, she whispered, leaning into his grasp as she looked up at the man who had taken over her thoughts and her heart without her realizing. Theo knew she needed to keep her distance, to make sure that he was healing in the way that was best for him. But in the same time, she had waited too long to finally take what was hers. Theo was more than ready to take what had been hers for far too long. With a little nod of her head, Theo stepped back from him as her fingers laced between his. “Let’s get you warmed up.”

               “I can only imagine.” Ivy rolled her eyes, “I don’t know why you’re getting all worked up over some spoiled rich bitch when really I’m supposed to be the only rich bitch in your life worth irritating.” 

“You are the only irritating rich bitch in my life, I promise you that”, she flashed a shit eating grin towards Ivy, though it was partially true. Growing up among money left a bitter taste in her mouth and yet, Ivy was someone she enjoyed having in her life. “I was only taking out the trash”, Theo couldn’t help but smirk, ignoring the true jealousy that bubbled up at the thought of the other woman. “So, how’re you doing?”

Emilia couldn’t help but laugh, shrugging her shoulders as a playful smile settled on her lips. “Maybe, maybe not,” was all she commented on that. It was kind of her mission to challenge everyone in her classes, otherwise there would be no fun. Sometimes she managed to challenge herself, too, other times not so much. “Oh c’mon, I’ve always been this evil – you’re just now realizin’ it.” Emilia stretched her arm, reaching out her hand for Theo to take so she could stand up. “How about a smoothie to help you recover?”

Theo gladly took Emilia’s hand, using the leverage to pull herself back to her feet. “See, now that you admit it, it makes your evil nature so much worse”, she laughed, reaching up to tighten her falling ponytail. Theo was sure that it was the fact that it had been weeks since she actually participated a class, but Emilia certainly knew what she was doing. “You better make that a chocolate banana smoothie or I’m going to have to reevaluate this friendship.”

There was a large possibility that Nikki shouldn’t have been surprised by the fact that the words “I missed you” left her lips but the words did surprise him. It wasn’t that he thought that Theo wanted nothing to do with him or that he thought that she was over his company. It was more his own demons, his own insecurities telling him that he wouldn’t want himself around, why would she? Deep down, he knew that mentality was him, it wasn’t her but it was hard to shut the voices out of ones head. No matter how wrong they were. “I missed you too.” The words came easily to the male because of how honest they were. He did miss her. 

Three weeks was far too long without seeing her. It was almost ridiculous. The two of them being so magnetized towards each other, yet trying with everything in them to stay away, only leading to the two of them being more uneasy without the other around. There weren’t many people Nikki depended on, hell, there was no one he depended on but Theo slipped through the cracks. He couldn’t help but depend on her being there, being the one person that didn’t leave. Was that unhealthy? He wasn’t sure, he didn’t know enough about these kinds of feelings to know what was healthy and what wasn’t? What could go into the category of something he was very weak to, which was addiction and what had nothing to do with the addict in him. He had no idea how to separate and decode all the thoughts and feelings he felt. He’d done so well pretending he didn’t feel a thing. 

Hazel eyes on her green ones, Nikki shook his head for a moment before bringing his hand up to his forehead and wiping away some of the water, despite the fact that it was wet only seconds after he wiped away the rain. “I just… Look, I know that I’m a mess and you probably need time and missing each other isn’t a good enough excuse to take away the time you might need away from all of this.” Nikki said, rambling… Which was a surprise being that Nikki didn’t really ramble. He threw in sarcastic comments, judgmental comments, and when it was a more serious matter he usually got a lot more quiet and chose his words carefully. 

Right now, in this moment, all he could do was ramble. Maybe it was the nerves? Or maybe he knew if he didn’t say everything he was thinking he never would? He’d quickly fall right back into that quiet one word answers when things got a little more involved with his feelings. “All this… I… The night at my place and having to have all the weight on your shoulders from that night, having to go through what you did and still be the strong one…. All the confusion between… Between us.” Nikki added, his eyes downcast for a moment. “I’m sorry I made things so confusing and complicated but I’m selfish and I had to see you, you’re my… Best friend.” He said, looking at her once more. “I wish I could take it all back.” 

Whatever her and Nikki were was truly complicated. It was a difficult thing to give a cut or dry answer. Especially with her uncertainty that he finally was seeing the picture. Could Nikki see the way that she laid her heart out between them? The way his actions broke her in a way that was much more than was a friend aching for a friend. He was his best friend, that much was certain, but he was so much more. All Theo could do was hope that he understood that or she was going to have to find the words to make it that much more clear for him.

But then he was there, standing in her drive, and making her heart beat harder and faster. The young woman was sure that she was going to watch her heart literally beat out of her chest. Maybe Nikki did know, maybe he finally saw the truth that had laced her actions the past month unknowingly. The hit landed on the forgotten blonde, her willingness to dig that needle into her vein, the ache that came with knowing that he was not happy. All of it finally became clear to her, but now she felt hopeful that he just knew. But she couldn’t help the silence that took over as NIkki continued to speak, the threat of a smile pulling at her lips was certainly very real. 

“Nikki”, she started, brushing back her wet hair from her forehead. Theo felt like she needed to chose her words carefully, to only let so much of her heart on display as if to not totally scare him away from her. Could he handle a relationship right now? Could he handle being with her and staying clean? “There’s things I wish I could change about all of this, but if changing that meant that there was no...us then I don’t want to change a thing”, she sighed softly, knowing there was nothing official there. But it was obvious that they would always be an us.

“I was actually on my way to come see you, because I miss you”, she confessed, daring a half step closer to him. Theo debated her next words, peering up at him through the falling rain, but ultimately decided there was no point in holding it to her chest. “The only thing I wish I could change is me leaving your apartment that first night all those years ago.”

delivery for; @thcomxson

         It’d been maybe a week or two… Maybe longer. At least, it felt like longer but it had been a few days since Nikki and Theo last spoke or saw each other. It seemed with everything going on they pushed away from each other slightly. It wasn’t that they didn’t want to be around each other but it was a lot. Opening up to someone in the way he did, everything Theo had to see, everything she went through. Even though there was still a part of Nikki’s mind that was still processing everything, that was still trying to work through the hole he’d thrown himself back into, he felt bad. He felt horrible for everything he put Theo through within the time span of the fight, the drugs, the punch, and the intense moment they had in his apartment. Maybe that was why he was staying away? Giving her her space, because he knew if he needed some, she definitely needed ten times the amount he needed. 

Despite wanting to give her some breathing room Nikki couldn’t help himself from showing up on the girls doorstep. Trying to amp himself up and knock on the door. Shaking his head, he turned back around, walking over to the drive way and back into the pouring rain. It wasn’t until he heard the door open that he turned back around, a rush of nerves washing over him and the water droplets fell from his hair and onto his face. The nerves surprised even him, even though he was always an anxious mess, he felt a lot more anxious when Theo was there. Not because he was uncomfortable around her but because he had a lot on his mind and weighing on his shoulders that he wanted to say but the words wouldn’t form. 

                                   “I kinda just… I don’t know? Ended up here.” 

Theo had no idea what to do. She had no idea where to go or what the next step was. She had felt as if she had been caught in a state of perpetual confusion. The night she had been locked in Nikki’s apartment with him felt right, though there was so much tension and pain with every glance and every single thought. The night was far from perfect, but the one thing she knew was the fact that it had begun a domino effect of many things. Her thoughts were jumbled because of him, her actions seemed skewed, and even her nights were tainted with sleepless moments. Nikki was much more than her best friend, that much was clear as day. What wasn’t clear was what was meant to be their next steps? With his sobriety being the main focus, Theo had stepped back in hope of assuring that his actions were truly for him. To make sure that she wouldn’t end up being a weakness rather than a strength.

But almost three weeks was far too long to go without seeing him. It was damn near impossible to focus on much of anything, not knowing how he was and what he was doing was too much of a distraction. Theo couldn’t take it any longer. So she threw on her coat, moving for the front of her home and the exit that could only carry her closer to Nikki’s side. Much to her surprise, there he was. The redhead stepped out into the rain, trying to decipher if this was another fever dream or if he was truly sitting there waiting for her. “Nikki?”, she breathed out, stepping to close the distance between the two of them. “I missed you”, she confessed, ignoring the way her clothing began to stick to her shoulders and frame as the water continued to pour around them.

                “Maybe for once I want to keep my pretty red lips shut,” Ivy replied in a teasing tone, not like she had much to share these days considering everything is usually out in the open, “How about you, do you have any secrets or gossip you are dying to spill?” 

“Besides punching out some spoiled brat and avoiding Nikki, not much new”, she laughed, dropping her roll into the sauce mixture she had created. Theo didn’t care to speak on the Nikki situation, seeing as it was one she still had no clue about. “You should of see me hit her though, it was all too satisfying.”