Claire Keane
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JVL

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if i look back, i am lost

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@thawedforjustice

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Steve rarely got big action these days. A few robberies executed by poor-planners, the occasional armed guy in an alley with some defenseless young lady. He wasn’t officially running the streets as Nomad, or more like Steve Rogers wasn’t. He could count on one hand how many people knew him as the alias.... okay, one finger. And, when he was feeling antsy... when he found himself hitting the petty criminals a little too hard or a little too much, he tracked her down in hopes she had some kind of lead to keep him occupied.
Luckily, it was easy tracking her down. Word on the street passed around pretty fast when you were a big shot like Captain Marvel. Once his feet hit the ground, he stood to full height and rolled the shoulder supporting his shield gauntlet.
“You look like you’ve had a rough night,”
he remarked as he began circling around her.
“Caught word you had a hot tip on a base, interested in sharing?”
@cpt-trouble
With Bucky still keeping him out of the field, Sam was going crazy. He wanted to be out there trying to fight back these bastards that had messed with his life. Until then, though, he was trying to help out behind the scenes as much as possible. He would take anything, at this point.
Pouring over intell, Sam’s phone went off, alerting him to the two texts he just received from Steve. It wasn’t a mission, but it was still getting out.
[SMS: Cap} Hell yeah [SMS: Cap] You and me both [SMS: Cap] You need 2 talk to Barnes about letting me back out in the field.
Steve had managed to pull on a new shirt by the time his phone alerted him of a reply. He was going out, regardless of if Sam would join him or not. He knew he needed to ask Bucky out as well. He would. Soon. Things needed to cool down and Bucky had to focus, being Captain America and all. Steve understood that better than anyone else. Even if he missed his best friend.
He picked up his phone to swipe it open, reading over the three messages with a snort.
[SMS: Bird Brain]: Usual place in twenty minutes, pal. [SMS: Bird Brain]: You think I can order him to do anything? [SMS: Bird Brain]: That’s funny.
@samfalconwilson-avenger:
Steve knew they had many more to find. Whether they were talking about Skrull bases or people being imprisoned while Skrulls used their bodies to do the alien’s bidding. He felt like he was drowning with how much of himself he was throwing into helping where he could. Between missions, picking up other’s missions so they could have a break and trying to pick straws at tips and researching where the next base could be, he was bound to burn-out at some point.
He needed a break. As guilty as that made him feel. And, while they’d gotten some of their friends out -- he hadn’t had a chance to check up on them. Now seemed like the perfect opportunity. At least, he had to check up on his right-hand man.
[SMS: Bird Brain]: Want to grab a beer? [SMS: Bird Brain]: I feel like I’m suffocating in this apartment, I need to get out.
“Only the nasty parts of him,” he darkly joked back. He had to pretend that it disturbed him to not let anything show to the real Steve Rogers. Infiltration was all about the long game and he was expecting to play this for as long as necessary. “We will. We’re Avengers, remember? Saving the world is what we do best.”
Steve’s forced smile dropped at the joke back. He knew Clint was trying to bounce the joke back. That they were trying to get some sort of normalcy going between them. But, it was a fail. It actually just made Steve feel even worse. There were no nasty parts of Tony. Annoying ones, that’s a given, but he wouldn’t trade Tony for much of anything.
“I’m not exactly an Avenger anymore. I think you’re looking for Buck, pal.”

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As selfish as it was, Josh kind of wanted some physical comfort; it had always been pretty rare for him. His parents were never exactly ‘huggy’ people. And… he knew it was coming this time, so it wasn’t like his powers would act up. He hoped. So this time, he didn’t move away.
“A-are you sure, Sir?” he asked, looking down, “I mean you uhh… probably have better things to do.”
The guy was Captain America and he was… a weird black and gold mutant that could do things that terrified him. The two of them going for coffee didn’t exactly compute in his head. “And I uhh, don’t wanna take up any more of your time.”
Steve offered another smile as he turned away from the kid so he could grab his bag off the floor, swinging it over his shoulder and signaling for the young man to follow so they could head out. He wasn’t going to take no for an answer, even if the kid was trying to reason with Steve on why he didn’t need to do this. he knew he didn’t need to.
“Here’s the thing about being retired as Captain America. My schedule is completely free.”
He’d hoped this would somehow make everything better, make him better but it wasn’t; there was no magical lifting of guilt from his shoulders, not even a little bit. It might have been stupid on some level to think it could be fixed that easily but… he’d still hoped. Was he going to feel like this forever? Stuck moving under this weight of screams and rotting flesh. “But I’m still sorry.” he said quietly, “A-and I can’t apologise to the,” he swallowed, “To the the people of the person I hurt.”
“Even if it was different, even if it was a monster it could still feel. Still hurt, be scared and I caused that.” Whether he’d always had this capacity of emotion Josh wasn’t sure but he felt for the Skrull he’d hurt, what if it had a family of its own? “I did it to save people… I think.” He’d had no real mental presence at the time, “Some people keep calling me a hero but I really don’t feel like one Sir..”
Steve pursed his lips at the words, his head nodding along with the words. He stepped closer to the young man and reached up to pat his shoulder. Knowing that maybe the boy didn’t want to be touched, but offering the gesture anyway.
“Alright, kiddo. Let’s go grab a cup of coffee.”
He understood what was going on in his head. All these years and he still felt what the young man was feeling. Even if it was mourning the death of a damn HYDRA agent. He could never so easily accept that he’d taken a life.
“I believe good captain, that you are deaf. I just answered your question”
Steve gritted his teeth and ordered with a hand gesture for them to open the door so he could slip inside. This skrull wasn’t going to make it easy on himself, which was a sad thing because he really didn’t want to hurt the thing before him. Not while it was wearing Tony’s face, but he had little choice. He needed to find out where Tony was.
“One last chance.”
Offering it was his last string on sanity as he dropped his bag at the door and tilted his head to crack his neck audibly.
Skram laughed, his head shaking. He hardly believed a word he said so he just shrugged. “Then I guess you’re gonna have to come in here, because I ain’t saying anything. So, Cap, what’s it gonna be?”
Steve tapped his foot for a moment, trying to reel himself in and utterly failing. He gave a shake of his head and turned to one of the guards.
“Open the door, son.”
He left little room for arguing. Walking over to the door, he braced himself to not let the other escape. It was a stupid decision, but he wasn’t thinking clearly. He slipped in as soon as he was able to, the door quickly closing behind him, his knuckles cracking as he popped them.
“You want to say that again?”
His smile kind of disapeared when Steve mentionned their skrull friends, surely among them. He had his doubts. He wasn’t enough careful once and Steve had been one of them. Then Sam. It was scarying him more than he could admit. He couldn’t even trust Natasha entirely which was… hurting him. He wasn’t sure if the redhead in his bed was an alien or not. And if she was, she was part of the people who knew his trigger words. He opened his mouth, but – “Yeah.” At least he was sure Steve was here. And that felt good. After all this time, it really did.
Bucky should have been lost in his thoughts too much for his friend to call him again. He looked up and smiled, took a beer, uncaped it and handed it to him. “And you shall have one.” Barnes took his to cheer with Steve. “To you.”
Steve let the man get lost in his thoughts while he mulled over his own. He’d been thinking too much lately. He needed a breather, so he was glad Bucky had stopped by and brought beer (though he more cared about the company the man provided).
“Thanks, pal, and, ain’t no reason to be wasting a cheer on me.”

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“I saw Tony,” he replied, shifting uncomfortably as he stood in front of Steve, “And all I can say is be real careful. He knows how to push your buttons, and not in a good way. Probably would have torn his head off if the guards hadn’t come into the room when they did.”
“So, that’s our Tony in there?”
It was a joke. They needed a joke, he felt. Their Tony did know how to push buttons -- he was going to find him. He knew that thing they had in their holding cell wasn’t Tony. But, the mere thought of accidentally thinking for even a second it was while talking to him -- it put Steve on edge.
“We have to find them. I can’t let them -- I can’t let them go where I was.”
He was probably causing more confusion to the poor man than anything but, selfish as it was, Josh didn’t know what he’d do if he couldn’t somehow apology for what he’d done. He’d never so much as swatted a fly in his life and to be told… to remember causing a being’s flesh to all but rot away in seconds as it screamed was terrifying; knowing it was a person in this man’s image didn’t help. “You are,” he paused and looked down again, “The wrong guy, a-and the right guy. I’m sorry this isn’t making sense.”
He was about to try and continue when he felt the mans hand on his shoulder and shot back like he’d been stung, “Please don’t,” he said, watching him fearfully, “I-I don’t wanna hurt you again.” he swallowed, “I just, I don’t know what to so and I’m sorry it’s not your problem but I,” he closed his eyes for a second, “I killed you. O-or a thing that was you and I’m really sorry I didn’t mean to I just- I wasn’t in my right mind and I think it was instinct and it wasn’t even you but I’m still sorry.” he was breathing a little heavily by the end of his ramblings, looking worriedly up at the larger man.
Steve stayed silent as the young man spoke, not wanting to interrupt him. He needed to get this out. Steve understood that. However, when he mentioned hurting him again, for a moment, Steve’s brows furrowed together. Then it all fell into place. This kid, he was the one who took down Steve’s... Skrull. It made him fell wrong all over that someone had been wearing his face, doing God knows what. He didn’t want to think about it much, he had other things on his mind.
He eyed the young man when it was all said and done and did his best to offer a comforting smile. He didn’t blame the kid for killing the Skrull -- he was happy he did it. Even if he knew carrying the weight of killing anything was heavier than holding a building up.
“I can’t imagine what you’re feeling right now, but I can assure you that you have nothing to be sorry for, alright? You did the right thing by taking care of that monster. He could have hurt people.”
“Haven’t you checked with the other Captain, Captain ? “ Tony taunted. He was just waiting for him to get him out of here. Time was getting …really long. He had unknowingly a disadvantage. “As I told him, there here and there, in the ships , which one , take a pick , maybe you’ll be lucky”
The Skrull was testing him at a time he shouldn’t be tested. Steve had been having little control over his emotions since his return -- specifically his anger and right now, that anger was zoning in to focus on the... thing before him. He took a deep breath through his nose and let it out in a loud sigh, resisting the temptation to step into the cell made for the Skrull and teach him a thing or two.
“I’m going to ask nice one more time.”
He warned the Skrull through gritted words.
“Where are they?”
Skrint just smiled as he stepped more into the room. “You can say that, but you know me and just about the rest of the team would beg to differ…well, what’s left of us, I guess.” What’s left of them, but he wasn’t going to let that slip. “First Tony and Pepper, then Sam….really makes you wonder who you can trust these days. You’ve been to see either of them yet?”
Steve’s eyes ran up and down the others form. He was right. What was left of the Avengers -- anyone near them. It was near-impossible to tell who was Skrull and who wasn’t. Not unless the Skrull slipped or had a tail. It made Steve feel like a shit friend if nothing else.
“Not yet. I’m going after this.”
He wasn’t looking forward to meeting the others face to face, considering they weren’t using their faces. But, he wasn’t going to back down. He had to try and figure out where Tony, Pepper and Sam were. And, anyone else being impersonated. He owed them that.
“Have you?”
@sgt-barnes

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He managed to give a smile and shook his head. “You know, if you wanna be effective you could punch the skrulls out there.” he proposed with a look. Bucky sat down and patted the couch next to him. “But before punching anything else, gotta eat. Come on.” There was indeed something calming about ending a day like this with his best friend. Knowing this time it wasreally him. After days like this one were Barnes had more responsabilities he ever had.
Steve crossed the room, unwrapping his hands to toss the bandages carelessly aside before he was seated next to the other man. Food sounded good, but beer sounded better.
“Hard to punch a skrull when you don’t know the difference between them and your friends, innit?”
It wasn’t a shot at anyone. Skeve had been wondering Earth months and nobody batted an eye. It hurt a bit, but he wasn’t going to stay sore about it. He understood. He couldn’t even look most his friends in the face without that moment of doubt ‘what if this is a skrull?’. He didn’t have that moment with Bucky, though. Maybe because of their history, or because Steve just... knew deep inside that this was his Buck.
“I was promised beer, pal.”
Josh swallowed, he’d felt intimidated enough when he’d been on the same battlefield as the ‘alien’ Captain Rogers but now he knew this was the real man in front of him he felt even worse. The guy was bound to think he was being an idiot, wasting his pretty valuable time and causing bother where it wasn’t needed but… those feelings were clawing at his gut and he needed to someone try and atone for what he’d done.
“I’m really sorry to bother you Sir, umm, Captain,” he corrected, looking down for a moment before beginning to rub his hand together nervously, “You don’t know me and I’m sure this just a waste of your time but I really needed to say something to you.”
He forced himself to look the man in the eyes and took a breath, “I’m so sorry.”
Egotistically, Steve thought for a moment the kid was trying to ask for an autograph or a picture. Both, which Steve wasn’t in the mood for, but would oblige to regardless out of habit of being a nice guy at the expense of... well, himself. He was relieved to hear it was something else. Even if the apology had his brows knitting and confusion playing out across his face
“Listen, son, I think you’ve got the wrong guy here. If I don’t know you, why would you owe me an apology?”
This really looked like it was taking a toll on the kid in front of him, too. Steve couldn’t let him feel like that. Even if the apology was unneeded (he hadn’t even said what it was for, exactly), he reached out to gently cup the boy’s shoulder to give it a sympathetic shake.
“Don’t worry about it, kid. Whatever it is, it’s over and done with. You keep looking back and soon you’ll be going back. Don’t dwell on the past.”