Mad Rambles

Slay the Princess is so hard, like I kill her the first time, but then she becomes a lesbian goddess, and I'm not about to deny a lesbian goddess

"Guess what, chicken butt" hmmph I'm impressed, however (I take off my shirt revealing chickens where I should have boobs) I've got chicken breasts.

Just gave a victorian child Covid, and now they're dead.

You really all lied to me, because what do you mean this whole time it was called "frapachino", I genuinely thought Starbucks had called their drink a "fapachino"

Mfw I decide to go on an expedition with my noble king Odyssesus, and next thing I know people are being crushed by a cyclops.

Blech loafing pest my beloved, truly the greatest commander to ever command

Hot mice? In my area? Wooh golly, I better get my jar of cookies!

Clocking in for my 12 hour shift at the posting factory when my note count gets sucked into the machinery and I can't tell my manager because they turned reblogs off

Someone once told me that the brain is awesome because it can conjure an image of a cow dancing, but when I tried I only ended up with the abstracted concept of the cow from barnyard twerking, and the worst part is I couldn't even see it, I just had to live with the idea of it and was forced to accept I would forever be unable to see it in my head

Fired from the joy and whimsy factory because my manager caught me doing lines of Tumblr posts in the bathroom

Collecting all my mysterious cat asks so I can monopolize them after everyone else foolishly uses theres #growth-mindset

Vile creature called "responsibilities" is stalking me and trying to prevent me from writing parody music

Going to the burger store and straight up animorphing into a narwhal but getting stuck halfway through and becoming an abomination of a human narwhal hybrid, and then I don't even get my burger