ITS NOT EVEN A WEEK ITS MORE LIKE AN ONTOLOGY

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@thatssoesther
ITS NOT EVEN A WEEK ITS MORE LIKE AN ONTOLOGY

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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My Mom and I have this weird tradition because we both have an incredibly morbid sense of humor where every Halloween she walks me through the bureaucracy of what I need to know when she dies, and I have transcribed this year's for your reading pleasure
Mom: ESTHER HELLO WELCOME
Me: Oh Jesus are we really doing this again
Mom: IT IS TIME
Me: God ok tell me where you've hidden all your goblin gold or whatever
Mom: HERE IS MY WILL THIS IS HOW YOU GET ALL MY MONEY
Me: Ok
Mom: AND I'D LIKE TO BE CREMATED YOU CAN JUST PUT ME IN THIS BOX
Me: I'm not putting you in something boring. Like I'm not putting you in something that isn't a bust of Nefertiti's head ideally with a hidden compartment or some kind of cypher
Mom: You're right ok I'll find something cool
Me: So what do you want me to do with your...body dust
Mom: Oh I haven't thought about that. You can just throw me in the White River
Me: I'M NOT THROWING YOU IN THE WHITE RIVER
Mom: Ok Ok I don't care you can just take me to the farm in Virginia and toss me somewhere there
Me: Listen I need you to get creative like literally if it's not some kind of insane quest I'm not doing it
Mom: Ok I'll make it weird. WE'RE DONE.
Me: THANK GOD also aren't you afraid I'm going to off you now so I can have all your diamonds
Mom: You know what you go down the stairs in front of me
OH MY GOD I LOVE CANNIBALISM

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
"After 6 straight hours of grad seminars I really just need to hear someone say the word butthole"- an actual thing I actually said
an actual thing Esther actually said
I remember writing a 30 page letter to our swimming pool about he inhumanity of putting goldfish in the pool for children to catch for festivals
He's the most self-actualized dog I've ever seen."
The Estheriest Shit
"Oh hey Sarah, do you think you could use the printer to print off something for me?" "Sure, what is it?" "...a dissertation."
No that's true so many of the texts centered around just like a general theme of dick liberation

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
Honestly most of my fashion is just me tricking people into thinking I'm actually wearing clothes so
My Mom and I moon each other in public FEEL FREE TO NATURE/NURTURE THAT SHIT AT YOUR LEISURE
Beardy Beard/Uncle Krunkle is a a character Josh and I made up who tells rambling old timey stories that inevitably end in him recounting his first experience with butthole pleasures
I HAVE TWO VERY IMPORTANT WORDS AND THOSE WORDS ARE SUGAR JIZZ
Like being friends with you for a year and a half has given me ass problems

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch β’ No registration required β’ HD streaming
NOT BEING ABLE TO SHOW JUST FLAGRANT, UNOBSTRUCTED TITTY FUCKING BUMS ME OUT IN MY SOUL
AFTER ANNOTATING MATHEMES OF RE-ASSOCIATION I CAN ANNOTATE ANYTHING. I COULD ANNOTATE YOUR DAD.