That's So B.A.P

We’ll go first…. “At one of my hi touches with B.A.P I got so nervous I just said their own names at them. As if they didn’t already know them.” 

“This year I saw Young Jae’s shoe was untied for the whole photo op. So I told him when I got my turn but he just stared at me. So I repeated, “Um…your shoe is untied?” And he cut me off real quick all, “I know, I know, I know.” So I just repeated “Okay, okay, okay” but to every single member. Then I still had to stand there for a photo after forcefully saying “okay” at them.”

London. 04/12/18 - The Day of my Death.

So there I am. Meme T-shirt, Naruto headband, painfully heavy New Rocks and half-sweated makeup. We go in for the hi-touch.

I look Kim Himchan in the eyes and immediately all speech functions begin to fail. I say something like “You’re so beautiful, I love you so much!” except I’m blubbering and dear god his eyes. He stares at me, baffled, and says “Naruto.” I lose my shit.

I get to Jongup. My brain processes that he’s shorter than me and his hair is super ruffled. Before I even open my mouth he lights up “Naruto!” I still haven’t calmed down, I lose it again. I try desperately to say ‘thank you’ but I’m not sure which language I go for. Think it was Welsh if I’m honest. 

I get to Daehyun, who’s smile disarms me. “Oh! Naruto!” I black out.

I get to Youngjae. “Naruto!” I just manage to reply, “You’re so beautiful!” before I black out. I’m laughing, maybe. I turn away from him a bit too early while the person ahead of me is still talking to Junhong. I don’t have the time to turn back to Youngjae. It’s a super awkward like moment of me sweating and hysterical before I get to Junhong.

He looks down at me and beams, already laughing. “Oh!!! Naruto!!!” I fucking lose it. I don’t know if I even said anything. I am absolutely wheezing.

I stagger away, caught by the others in my photo op group who tell me that B.A.P are talking about me. I’m hyperventilating. 

Staff gestures back to the boys “Okay, go through!”

Now. Up until the photo op I have been stiff, awkward, and heavy-footed in my massive platform goth-boots. Weighty as fuck they may be, but prance like a child in a princess costume I did, calling “Himchanniiiieeeeee~” as I go. You know, like a fucking creep. 

He locks eyes with me. He doesn’t say it, but he radiates ‘Do not’

But I do.

His face screams ‘I want nothing to do with you’

But I paid over £200 to have something to do with him

I park my massive boots up at his side, all big grins and giggles. I can feel the exhausted aura of a dying man at my side.

I have a whole 1 brain cell at this point that, somehow despite my previous tongue-twister catastrophe before, manages to force me to raise one hand and politely and clearly ask “Can we do a heart :3c?”

There is this half second where he looks at my hand, and I KNOW he doesn’t want to. I KNOW he hates this. He wanted me to be a Jongup stan or something. The only person who wants to be by him for the photo and it’s my weird ass. He raises his hand to my own.

I am LIVING. I am VIBRATING. I am EXISTING LIKE I HAVE NEVER EXISTED BEFORE.

He’s a husk at my side.

They take two photos. The first he is BARELY touching my hand at all, just lightly brushing.For the second he fully presses his fingers against mine, I guess in an attempt to say ‘hey thanks for being a fan even if you’re a fucking creature’. I nearly pass out. 

The photos are done and I turn to him and in a final attempt to rectify myself go “THANKYOUSOMUCHYOUDIDSOWELLTHANKYOUILOVEYOU” and then peel away from the group shouting “THANKYOUSOMUCH” to the rest of the boys.

Then I fucking bolt it to the door.

Listen I was pretty calm for most of the pre-concert and the soundcheck tour that we had (I shed 1 tear!) BUT WAITING IN LINE FOR MY GROUP PHOTO AND THE HIGH TOUCH WAS WAS AGONIZING 

I was watching other babyz do their thing and like smile and and i’m just standing as if my soul had left my body and I was suddenly a sims character.

When it was my time B O I I wasnt ready. Youngjae looked at me straight in my eyes and I FUCKING ASCENDED. I covered my mouth with my hand cus he’s BEAUTIFUL and i dont even stan him. HE AINT MY FAVE HOW DARE HE?!.I couldn’t look at any of them for an incredibly fear that I would SCREECH in their faces (cus that’s happened before) so I was quietly high fiving them and stuff. It was like i was ignoring them for the sake of my own existence. If I dared acknowledged that they were there i was going to disintegrate into nothingness like that shitty CGI of voldemort dying.

I stood next to Zelo and daehyun and after the (what im sure is an awkward photo cus i havent gotten it yet) I quietly asked for a hug from Zelo (IT WAS NICE 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND) Now i’m not sure if i remember this correctly but he may or may not have “aww”ed at me cus i am shy af and i’m still not sure how he heard me. It may also have been someone else that was around us. then I got my signed concert poster and high tailed the fuck outta there. 

I cried in my car while driving home (do not recommend cus highways in Florida are dark af) listening to the same songs that were just performed in front of me.

I’m obviously still not over this strange surreal experience 10/10 would fucking pay that ridiculous amount all over again.

(also as a girl thats 5ft tall zelo is fucking giant but also he gives nice hugs) 

Also we agree that starting with Young Jae was a DANGEROUS game that JSJ played. ;; He felt very safe to start with though. His hugs were very warm, in our collective opinion. (Even if he didn’t tie his STUPID SHOES!)

Anyone who was nearby me for any part of that day can attest to the fact that I was anxious af (esp when provided the information that I have a verbal tick when I’m anxious and will keep saying the same things over and over until forced to stop talking, at which point I will go nonverbal).

So I’m panicking before hightouch/photos and I’ve got the baby package so I only have one shot at this. I’m managing up until we enter the room, where we had to be absolutely silent, at which point tears start pouring up in my eyes (I jsut barely don’t cry) and within like 30 seconds I am nonverbal like I physically no longer no words.

When it’s my turn I can barely even smile, I’m physically shaking trying to appear like 1% sane, and I literally can’t even say hi or thank you. Daehyun said thank you to me and I could not reply or process it I just kept walking I swear if one of them didn’t have their hands up already I would have missed them

So the only thing I wanted out of this was to hug youngjae and I was gonna ask him like a normal polite person but my brain was not functioning so I just kind of awkwardly put my arms around his shoulder and accidentally turned my face the wrong way so he couldn’t hug me back properly even if he wanted to, and then I ran away like there are two gifs of me in this situation and you can tell my soul has left my body and I am inherently no longer a person. It took me a solid several minutes to be able to talk even vaguely normal again (and by that I mean I went right back to my anxiety ridden repetitive speech which lasted me the 2 hour drive home talking to myself)

I know that’s not a super dramatic story but like… just know even if you freeze completely and forget every human language it will work out

Also, just out of curiosity, are the two gifs you mentioned things you consented to have made? We’ve noticed some issues with people using other fans’ photos on Twitter, Instagram, and even Tumblr without blurring the faces or asking permission to use them. We want to make sure you’re okay with those gifs being posted. If not, we will gladly back you up in getting them removed.

We’ll go first…. “At one of my hi touches with B.A.P I got so nervous I just said their own names at them. As if they didn’t already know them.” 

“This year I saw Young Jae’s shoe was untied for the whole photo op. So I told him when I got my turn but he just stared at me. So I repeated, “Um…your shoe is untied?” And he cut me off real quick all, “I know, I know, I know.” So I just repeated “Okay, okay, okay” but to every single member. Then I still had to stand there for a photo after forcefully saying “okay” at them.”

So I pretty much went into the whole thing with one goal: to tell Himchan that we have the same birthday. So I get up there, grinning like a goon the whole way through the line, and then I got to the end, and I, with singular purpose, turned to Himchan, looked him in his gorgeous eyes and took in his perfect face, and said, “We have the same birthday.”

He misunderstood, “Oh… Happy birthday!" 

I turned around to take my picture with all of them. I gave Daehyun a hug. I turned back around to wave goodbye to everyone before I headed on my way.

Sometime in this time, Himchan realized what I’d said to him. He made eye contact with me, smiled really big, turned to Junhong, and while gesturing between himself and me, happily announced, “Same birthday!”

We think he understands more English than he is comfortable speaking. So it’s so cute that he took the time to think of what you meant and worked through it! Awwww!!!!!

We’ll go first…. “At one of my hi touches with B.A.P I got so nervous I just said their own names at them. As if they didn’t already know them.” 

“This year I saw Young Jae’s shoe was untied for the whole photo op. So I told him when I got my turn but he just stared at me. So I repeated, “Um…your shoe is untied?” And he cut me off real quick all, “I know, I know, I know.” So I just repeated “Okay, okay, okay” but to every single member. Then I still had to stand there for a photo after forcefully saying “okay” at them.”

London. 04/12/18 - The Day of my Death.

So there I am. Meme T-shirt, Naruto headband, painfully heavy New Rocks and half-sweated makeup. We go in for the hi-touch.

I look Kim Himchan in the eyes and immediately all speech functions begin to fail. I say something like “You’re so beautiful, I love you so much!” except I’m blubbering and dear god his eyes. He stares at me, baffled, and says “Naruto.” I lose my shit.

I get to Jongup. My brain processes that he’s shorter than me and his hair is super ruffled. Before I even open my mouth he lights up “Naruto!” I still haven’t calmed down, I lose it again. I try desperately to say ‘thank you’ but I’m not sure which language I go for. Think it was Welsh if I’m honest. 

I get to Daehyun, who’s smile disarms me. “Oh! Naruto!” I black out.

I get to Youngjae. “Naruto!” I just manage to reply, “You’re so beautiful!” before I black out. I’m laughing, maybe. I turn away from him a bit too early while the person ahead of me is still talking to Junhong. I don’t have the time to turn back to Youngjae. It’s a super awkward like moment of me sweating and hysterical before I get to Junhong.

He looks down at me and beams, already laughing. “Oh!!! Naruto!!!” I fucking lose it. I don’t know if I even said anything. I am absolutely wheezing.

I stagger away, caught by the others in my photo op group who tell me that B.A.P are talking about me. I’m hyperventilating. 

Staff gestures back to the boys “Okay, go through!”

Now. Up until the photo op I have been stiff, awkward, and heavy-footed in my massive platform goth-boots. Weighty as fuck they may be, but prance like a child in a princess costume I did, calling “Himchanniiiieeeeee~” as I go. You know, like a fucking creep. 

He locks eyes with me. He doesn’t say it, but he radiates ‘Do not’

But I do.

His face screams ‘I want nothing to do with you’

But I paid over £200 to have something to do with him

I park my massive boots up at his side, all big grins and giggles. I can feel the exhausted aura of a dying man at my side.

I have a whole 1 brain cell at this point that, somehow despite my previous tongue-twister catastrophe before, manages to force me to raise one hand and politely and clearly ask “Can we do a heart :3c?”

There is this half second where he looks at my hand, and I KNOW he doesn’t want to. I KNOW he hates this. He wanted me to be a Jongup stan or something. The only person who wants to be by him for the photo and it’s my weird ass. He raises his hand to my own.

I am LIVING. I am VIBRATING. I am EXISTING LIKE I HAVE NEVER EXISTED BEFORE.

He’s a husk at my side.

They take two photos. The first he is BARELY touching my hand at all, just lightly brushing.For the second he fully presses his fingers against mine, I guess in an attempt to say ‘hey thanks for being a fan even if you’re a fucking creature’. I nearly pass out. 

The photos are done and I turn to him and in a final attempt to rectify myself go “THANKYOUSOMUCHYOUDIDSOWELLTHANKYOUILOVEYOU” and then peel away from the group shouting “THANKYOUSOMUCH” to the rest of the boys.

Then I fucking bolt it to the door.

Listen I was pretty calm for most of the pre-concert and the soundcheck tour that we had (I shed 1 tear!) BUT WAITING IN LINE FOR MY GROUP PHOTO AND THE HIGH TOUCH WAS WAS AGONIZING 

I was watching other babyz do their thing and like smile and and i’m just standing as if my soul had left my body and I was suddenly a sims character.

When it was my time B O I I wasnt ready. Youngjae looked at me straight in my eyes and I FUCKING ASCENDED. I covered my mouth with my hand cus he’s BEAUTIFUL and i dont even stan him. HE AINT MY FAVE HOW DARE HE?!.I couldn’t look at any of them for an incredibly fear that I would SCREECH in their faces (cus that’s happened before) so I was quietly high fiving them and stuff. It was like i was ignoring them for the sake of my own existence. If I dared acknowledged that they were there i was going to disintegrate into nothingness like that shitty CGI of voldemort dying.

I stood next to Zelo and daehyun and after the (what im sure is an awkward photo cus i havent gotten it yet) I quietly asked for a hug from Zelo (IT WAS NICE 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND) Now i’m not sure if i remember this correctly but he may or may not have “aww”ed at me cus i am shy af and i’m still not sure how he heard me. It may also have been someone else that was around us. then I got my signed concert poster and high tailed the fuck outta there. 

I cried in my car while driving home (do not recommend cus highways in Florida are dark af) listening to the same songs that were just performed in front of me.

I’m obviously still not over this strange surreal experience 10/10 would fucking pay that ridiculous amount all over again.

(also as a girl thats 5ft tall zelo is fucking giant but also he gives nice hugs) 

Also we agree that starting with Young Jae was a DANGEROUS game that JSJ played. ;; He felt very safe to start with though. His hugs were very warm, in our collective opinion. (Even if he didn’t tie his STUPID SHOES!)

Mine isn’t super embarrassing but I managed to get through the high touch and photo relatively okay, but after it was done I was super confused on where to go and I looked around so I was up there with them for a few extra seconds and I made eye contact with Zelo and he said “thank you for coming!” to me and I was so flustered I walked away and then the realization hit me that I met B.A.P and I started BAWLING

SO THERE I WAS: TITTIES OUT, MINISKIRT ON, OVER KNEE BOOTS, AND I WAS AN INCONSOLABLE WRECK!!

We’ll go first…. “At one of my hi touches with B.A.P I got so nervous I just said their own names at them. As if they didn’t already know them.” 

“This year I saw Young Jae’s shoe was untied for the whole photo op. So I told him when I got my turn but he just stared at me. So I repeated, “Um…your shoe is untied?” And he cut me off real quick all, “I know, I know, I know.” So I just repeated “Okay, okay, okay” but to every single member. Then I still had to stand there for a photo after forcefully saying “okay” at them.”

London. 04/12/18 - The Day of my Death.

So there I am. Meme T-shirt, Naruto headband, painfully heavy New Rocks and half-sweated makeup. We go in for the hi-touch.

I look Kim Himchan in the eyes and immediately all speech functions begin to fail. I say something like “You’re so beautiful, I love you so much!” except I’m blubbering and dear god his eyes. He stares at me, baffled, and says “Naruto.” I lose my shit.

I get to Jongup. My brain processes that he’s shorter than me and his hair is super ruffled. Before I even open my mouth he lights up “Naruto!” I still haven’t calmed down, I lose it again. I try desperately to say ‘thank you’ but I’m not sure which language I go for. Think it was Welsh if I’m honest. 

I get to Daehyun, who’s smile disarms me. “Oh! Naruto!” I black out.

I get to Youngjae. “Naruto!” I just manage to reply, “You’re so beautiful!” before I black out. I’m laughing, maybe. I turn away from him a bit too early while the person ahead of me is still talking to Junhong. I don’t have the time to turn back to Youngjae. It’s a super awkward like moment of me sweating and hysterical before I get to Junhong.

He looks down at me and beams, already laughing. “Oh!!! Naruto!!!” I fucking lose it. I don’t know if I even said anything. I am absolutely wheezing.

I stagger away, caught by the others in my photo op group who tell me that B.A.P are talking about me. I’m hyperventilating. 

Staff gestures back to the boys “Okay, go through!”

Now. Up until the photo op I have been stiff, awkward, and heavy-footed in my massive platform goth-boots. Weighty as fuck they may be, but prance like a child in a princess costume I did, calling “Himchanniiiieeeeee~” as I go. You know, like a fucking creep. 

He locks eyes with me. He doesn’t say it, but he radiates ‘Do not’

But I do.

His face screams ‘I want nothing to do with you’

But I paid over £200 to have something to do with him

I park my massive boots up at his side, all big grins and giggles. I can feel the exhausted aura of a dying man at my side.

I have a whole 1 brain cell at this point that, somehow despite my previous tongue-twister catastrophe before, manages to force me to raise one hand and politely and clearly ask “Can we do a heart :3c?”

There is this half second where he looks at my hand, and I KNOW he doesn’t want to. I KNOW he hates this. He wanted me to be a Jongup stan or something. The only person who wants to be by him for the photo and it’s my weird ass. He raises his hand to my own.

I am LIVING. I am VIBRATING. I am EXISTING LIKE I HAVE NEVER EXISTED BEFORE.

He’s a husk at my side.

They take two photos. The first he is BARELY touching my hand at all, just lightly brushing.For the second he fully presses his fingers against mine, I guess in an attempt to say ‘hey thanks for being a fan even if you’re a fucking creature’. I nearly pass out. 

The photos are done and I turn to him and in a final attempt to rectify myself go “THANKYOUSOMUCHYOUDIDSOWELLTHANKYOUILOVEYOU” and then peel away from the group shouting “THANKYOUSOMUCH” to the rest of the boys.

Then I fucking bolt it to the door.

Listen I was pretty calm for most of the pre-concert and the soundcheck tour that we had (I shed 1 tear!) BUT WAITING IN LINE FOR MY GROUP PHOTO AND THE HIGH TOUCH WAS WAS AGONIZING 

I was watching other babyz do their thing and like smile and and i’m just standing as if my soul had left my body and I was suddenly a sims character.

When it was my time B O I I wasnt ready. Youngjae looked at me straight in my eyes and I FUCKING ASCENDED. I covered my mouth with my hand cus he’s BEAUTIFUL and i dont even stan him. HE AINT MY FAVE HOW DARE HE?!.I couldn’t look at any of them for an incredibly fear that I would SCREECH in their faces (cus that’s happened before) so I was quietly high fiving them and stuff. It was like i was ignoring them for the sake of my own existence. If I dared acknowledged that they were there i was going to disintegrate into nothingness like that shitty CGI of voldemort dying.

I stood next to Zelo and daehyun and after the (what im sure is an awkward photo cus i havent gotten it yet) I quietly asked for a hug from Zelo (IT WAS NICE 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND) Now i’m not sure if i remember this correctly but he may or may not have “aww”ed at me cus i am shy af and i’m still not sure how he heard me. It may also have been someone else that was around us. then I got my signed concert poster and high tailed the fuck outta there. 

I cried in my car while driving home (do not recommend cus highways in Florida are dark af) listening to the same songs that were just performed in front of me.

I’m obviously still not over this strange surreal experience 10/10 would fucking pay that ridiculous amount all over again.

(also as a girl thats 5ft tall zelo is fucking giant but also he gives nice hugs) 

Also we agree that starting with Young Jae was a DANGEROUS game that JSJ played. ;; He felt very safe to start with though. His hugs were very warm, in our collective opinion. (Even if he didn’t tie his STUPID SHOES!)

We’ll go first…. “At one of my hi touches with B.A.P I got so nervous I just said their own names at them. As if they didn’t already know them.” 

“This year I saw Young Jae’s shoe was untied for the whole photo op. So I told him when I got my turn but he just stared at me. So I repeated, “Um…your shoe is untied?” And he cut me off real quick all, “I know, I know, I know.” So I just repeated “Okay, okay, okay” but to every single member. Then I still had to stand there for a photo after forcefully saying “okay” at them.”

London. 04/12/18 - The Day of my Death.

So there I am. Meme T-shirt, Naruto headband, painfully heavy New Rocks and half-sweated makeup. We go in for the hi-touch.

I look Kim Himchan in the eyes and immediately all speech functions begin to fail. I say something like “You’re so beautiful, I love you so much!” except I’m blubbering and dear god his eyes. He stares at me, baffled, and says “Naruto.” I lose my shit.

I get to Jongup. My brain processes that he’s shorter than me and his hair is super ruffled. Before I even open my mouth he lights up “Naruto!” I still haven’t calmed down, I lose it again. I try desperately to say ‘thank you’ but I’m not sure which language I go for. Think it was Welsh if I’m honest. 

I get to Daehyun, who’s smile disarms me. “Oh! Naruto!” I black out.

I get to Youngjae. “Naruto!” I just manage to reply, “You’re so beautiful!” before I black out. I’m laughing, maybe. I turn away from him a bit too early while the person ahead of me is still talking to Junhong. I don’t have the time to turn back to Youngjae. It’s a super awkward like moment of me sweating and hysterical before I get to Junhong.

He looks down at me and beams, already laughing. “Oh!!! Naruto!!!” I fucking lose it. I don’t know if I even said anything. I am absolutely wheezing.

I stagger away, caught by the others in my photo op group who tell me that B.A.P are talking about me. I’m hyperventilating. 

Staff gestures back to the boys “Okay, go through!”

Now. Up until the photo op I have been stiff, awkward, and heavy-footed in my massive platform goth-boots. Weighty as fuck they may be, but prance like a child in a princess costume I did, calling “Himchanniiiieeeeee~” as I go. You know, like a fucking creep. 

He locks eyes with me. He doesn’t say it, but he radiates ‘Do not’

But I do.

His face screams ‘I want nothing to do with you’

But I paid over £200 to have something to do with him

I park my massive boots up at his side, all big grins and giggles. I can feel the exhausted aura of a dying man at my side.

I have a whole 1 brain cell at this point that, somehow despite my previous tongue-twister catastrophe before, manages to force me to raise one hand and politely and clearly ask “Can we do a heart :3c?”

There is this half second where he looks at my hand, and I KNOW he doesn’t want to. I KNOW he hates this. He wanted me to be a Jongup stan or something. The only person who wants to be by him for the photo and it’s my weird ass. He raises his hand to my own.

I am LIVING. I am VIBRATING. I am EXISTING LIKE I HAVE NEVER EXISTED BEFORE.

He’s a husk at my side.

They take two photos. The first he is BARELY touching my hand at all, just lightly brushing.For the second he fully presses his fingers against mine, I guess in an attempt to say ‘hey thanks for being a fan even if you’re a fucking creature’. I nearly pass out. 

The photos are done and I turn to him and in a final attempt to rectify myself go “THANKYOUSOMUCHYOUDIDSOWELLTHANKYOUILOVEYOU” and then peel away from the group shouting “THANKYOUSOMUCH” to the rest of the boys.

Then I fucking bolt it to the door.

Listen I was pretty calm for most of the pre-concert and the soundcheck tour that we had (I shed 1 tear!) BUT WAITING IN LINE FOR MY GROUP PHOTO AND THE HIGH TOUCH WAS WAS AGONIZING 

I was watching other babyz do their thing and like smile and and i’m just standing as if my soul had left my body and I was suddenly a sims character.

When it was my time B O I I wasnt ready. Youngjae looked at me straight in my eyes and I FUCKING ASCENDED. I covered my mouth with my hand cus he’s BEAUTIFUL and i dont even stan him. HE AINT MY FAVE HOW DARE HE?!.I couldn’t look at any of them for an incredibly fear that I would SCREECH in their faces (cus that’s happened before) so I was quietly high fiving them and stuff. It was like i was ignoring them for the sake of my own existence. If I dared acknowledged that they were there i was going to disintegrate into nothingness like that shitty CGI of voldemort dying.

I stood next to Zelo and daehyun and after the (what im sure is an awkward photo cus i havent gotten it yet) I quietly asked for a hug from Zelo (IT WAS NICE 10/10 WOULD RECOMMEND) Now i’m not sure if i remember this correctly but he may or may not have “aww”ed at me cus i am shy af and i’m still not sure how he heard me. It may also have been someone else that was around us. then I got my signed concert poster and high tailed the fuck outta there. 

I cried in my car while driving home (do not recommend cus highways in Florida are dark af) listening to the same songs that were just performed in front of me.

I’m obviously still not over this strange surreal experience 10/10 would fucking pay that ridiculous amount all over again.

(also as a girl thats 5ft tall zelo is fucking giant but also he gives nice hugs) 

Also we agree that starting with Young Jae was a DANGEROUS game that JSJ played. ;; He felt very safe to start with though. His hugs were very warm, in our collective opinion. (Even if he didn’t tie his STUPID SHOES!)

We’ll go first…. “At one of my hi touches with B.A.P I got so nervous I just said their own names at them. As if they didn’t already know them.” 

“This year I saw Young Jae’s shoe was untied for the whole photo op. So I told him when I got my turn but he just stared at me. So I repeated, “Um…your shoe is untied?” And he cut me off real quick all, “I know, I know, I know.” So I just repeated “Okay, okay, okay” but to every single member. Then I still had to stand there for a photo after forcefully saying “okay” at them.”

London. 04/12/18 - The Day of my Death.

So there I am. Meme T-shirt, Naruto headband, painfully heavy New Rocks and half-sweated makeup. We go in for the hi-touch.

I look Kim Himchan in the eyes and immediately all speech functions begin to fail. I say something like “You’re so beautiful, I love you so much!” except I’m blubbering and dear god his eyes. He stares at me, baffled, and says “Naruto.” I lose my shit.

I get to Jongup. My brain processes that he’s shorter than me and his hair is super ruffled. Before I even open my mouth he lights up “Naruto!” I still haven’t calmed down, I lose it again. I try desperately to say ‘thank you’ but I’m not sure which language I go for. Think it was Welsh if I’m honest. 

I get to Daehyun, who’s smile disarms me. “Oh! Naruto!” I black out.

I get to Youngjae. “Naruto!” I just manage to reply, “You’re so beautiful!” before I black out. I’m laughing, maybe. I turn away from him a bit too early while the person ahead of me is still talking to Junhong. I don’t have the time to turn back to Youngjae. It’s a super awkward like moment of me sweating and hysterical before I get to Junhong.

He looks down at me and beams, already laughing. “Oh!!! Naruto!!!” I fucking lose it. I don’t know if I even said anything. I am absolutely wheezing.

I stagger away, caught by the others in my photo op group who tell me that B.A.P are talking about me. I’m hyperventilating. 

Staff gestures back to the boys “Okay, go through!”

Now. Up until the photo op I have been stiff, awkward, and heavy-footed in my massive platform goth-boots. Weighty as fuck they may be, but prance like a child in a princess costume I did, calling “Himchanniiiieeeeee~” as I go. You know, like a fucking creep. 

He locks eyes with me. He doesn’t say it, but he radiates ‘Do not’

But I do.

His face screams ‘I want nothing to do with you’

But I paid over £200 to have something to do with him

I park my massive boots up at his side, all big grins and giggles. I can feel the exhausted aura of a dying man at my side.

I have a whole 1 brain cell at this point that, somehow despite my previous tongue-twister catastrophe before, manages to force me to raise one hand and politely and clearly ask “Can we do a heart :3c?”

There is this half second where he looks at my hand, and I KNOW he doesn’t want to. I KNOW he hates this. He wanted me to be a Jongup stan or something. The only person who wants to be by him for the photo and it’s my weird ass. He raises his hand to my own.

I am LIVING. I am VIBRATING. I am EXISTING LIKE I HAVE NEVER EXISTED BEFORE.

He’s a husk at my side.

They take two photos. The first he is BARELY touching my hand at all, just lightly brushing.For the second he fully presses his fingers against mine, I guess in an attempt to say ‘hey thanks for being a fan even if you’re a fucking creature’. I nearly pass out. 

The photos are done and I turn to him and in a final attempt to rectify myself go “THANKYOUSOMUCHYOUDIDSOWELLTHANKYOUILOVEYOU” and then peel away from the group shouting “THANKYOUSOMUCH” to the rest of the boys.

Then I fucking bolt it to the door.