thequietmouse

hi hi !!

short answer: i love akiangel with all my heart !!! favorite csm ship for a year and a half now. i recently got into appreciating the tragedy of akimeno and hyperfixating on it but akiangel stays at the top for me.

just multishipper things.

slightly longer answer: i absolutely love the sincerity and gentleness of every single one of their scenes. i dont think they're just shippable bc of the couple times they came closer physically (even though aki holding angel against his chest after saving him is imprinted on the back of my eyelids permanently)

imo loads of their scenes have romantic subtext, they never rly hit it off as besties, there was a different kind of tension there from the start. plus there were scenes where an akiangel scene would directly parallel a canon romantic scene (case in point: the date with denji and reze looking at the rain and talking about the city mouse and the country mouse)

u can't deny that if angel was a woman everyone would assume he'd be aki's love interest since their first scene together.

there are some deeper lore moments that i think about a lot regarding akiangel and why i think especially angel may have had deeper feelings for aki but I won't get into that unless im asked for it bc we'll be here a while hehe

here's me challenging myself again bc for the life of me i cant comprehend what aki hayakawa is feeling half the time.

short answer to your question: no.

what did he see her as instead? im nowhere near a coherent and clear answer.

I'll tell u what i do know. we see aki forming loads of different relationships with ppl in chainsaw man. some of them clearer in their nature than others.

let's look at power and denji for example. family. that's an easy one. aki took on the role of the "guardian" at first, somewhat begrudgingly, but it very quickly got reshaped into him being their big brother.

i think seeing this relationship from a lot of different angles is enough to show that he most likely didn't view himeno as his sister.

in his brotherly role, he's very protective. with himeno, even though they were always saving each other, you could feel that their dynamic let him be vulnerable around her too.

he'd allow himself to be protected by her. he'd ask her permission to use the sword. he'd follow her lead and trust her judgement.

equals. even though she ranked higher than him, the mutual respect and trust between them made them feel like a team.

i think there's too many layers to their relationship for me to try and define it. if it's not familial love, is it a bond built around their respect and history as buddies? doesn't really cover all the bases. then is it friendship?

once again, im not sure. have we seen aki having any friends really? is it a coincidence that the two ppl that were somewhat marketed to be his friends are people who either are canonly in love with him or implied to be as such?

is it a coincidence that aki tends to display behavior that can be read as having romantic undertones as well? that he willingly gave years off his lifespan to save both himeno and angel without a second thought?

the answer to that is no, it's not. it's because these characters are way too complex and have a lot of trauma under their belt to navigate through relationships as the average human being.

aki has experienced a lot of loss. he's dishonest with the ppl around him and with his own feelings. he pushes people away to focus on his goal, but keeps making choices that contradict that way of living.

he's stumbling around this duality, almost as if he's in limbo. he's not letting himself have what he wants in the present. he's not giving people what they want from him. he's not dedicated enough to progress towards his goal.

and what does aki want in the present? my guess is: to be close to people. aside from wanting a family, to fulfil the role he missed out on, to get a redo of being a big brother and not mess it up, he wants ppl close in every sense.

that's why when his mask slips up, you can see how wholeheartedly he gives himself over to people.

he breaks around himeno a couple of times, letting his need for her slip through the cracks. he lets her touch him, cuddle him, light his cigarettes. he reciprocates, if a bit more hesitantly, stealing that cigarette standing just a tad too close.

is that attraction? or is it aki letting himself get the closeness he craves bc he knows he can? he knows he's allowed to bc himeno wants him there?

aki has to know himeno has feelings for him, at least in the back of his mind. does that keep him from getting even closer to her in fear of leading her on? would he want to get closer if makima wasn't forcefully pulling his attention to her? more questions i cant answer.

but looking at his relationship with angel as well, aki does follow this pattern. he's again putting up an act. he can't get along with angel, they are like natural enemies.

then the fear of loss creeps in and boom, he breaks. gives up his lifespan and pulls angel against his chest. it's like drawing the curse's sword all over again. he yells at angel for almost dying and nestles his face against angel's hair, holding him tight.

it's this type of behavior that leads me to believe that this is something that aki is deprived of. the closeness, the intimacy, someone to hold and maybe grasp onto. its something he's always needed and kept keeping himself away from.

is it love? is it friendship? is it response to unresolved trauma? a mix of the three? you tell me.

the fact that at no point throughout his storyline does aki have full control of himself also gets me. even if i was to speculate about the type of feelings he has for each person in his life, i know there's someone else ultimately pulling the strings in his brain. and that's a factor I can't break down and take into consideration.

so this is all i can give u by rubbing my two braincells together and not venturing too much into headcanon territory.

ahahah ur wish is my command ~

now bear with me a lot of this relies on things that are up to interpretation so brace urselves for me reaching and being maybe a tiny bit delusional thanks

so, i will deliberately not talk about the very popular moments that akiangel has, i can do a separate post about them at some point, but i want to focus specifically on angel.

meaning: scenes where their feelings and actions are reciprocated like saving each other, helping each other live longer etc will not be mentioned in this post.

lets take this chronologically:

- bomb devil arc

angel is the personification of duality. we know he exists as an oxymoron. from his name all the way to his personality.

this for me is the core of what i think angel is as a character. however i wont get into analysing angel's whole internal conflict rn.

(i have a post talking about angel's feelings, the grief and remorse he must feel with no recollection of what brought them on. I'll talk about that in depth some other time bc even though it plays into this part, we'll stray from the subject. i thought it was worth mentioning briefly though)

that's not what i wanted to talk about in this scene. i want to focus on the second part, which happened after reze's death.

in that scene, makima had ordered angel to bring aki with him to the scene. angel disregarded that order and came alone, which led to makima "accusing" him of being kind for sparing aki from the task of killing a girl. angel replies to this with "i am an angel after all".

what gets me the most about this beautiful scene is that as we now know, makima is the control devil. her word is law. even when she's not actively making ppl obey her will, we know her commanding aura makes it difficult for anyone to stray from her orders. despite that, here is angel, casually going against a direct order to keep aki from doing sth he doesn't want to do.

this might not seem like much, but follow my thought process here.

the infamous scene. contrary to popular belief, im here to talk about the first picture rather than the later two.

the moment between aki letting go of angel's shirt and grabbing his hand, angel gets a flash of the human he was in love with before makima found him.

i used to believe he got that flash bc he thought he was finally approaching his own death (still a valid interpretation), however here rolls a very popular theory about makima's power.

we know who she can control has to do with status, who views her as superior and whatnot. however, at the very end of part 1, we have power breaking her control as she thinks about her moments with denji. in that scene, power is still afraid of makima, so why is makima unable to take control of her?

a lot of ppl have interpreted this as a "weakness" to makima's power. more specifically, that strong feelings have the power to break her control over someone, at least briefly.

rolling with this, we can assume this is what happened with angel in this scene. for just a second he gets to access the memories that makima has locked away. the next question is, what are his strong feelings about in that moment?

we know that angel isn't afraid of death, he's been waiting for it. taking that into consideration, I don't think it was the feelings about his impending death that made makima's hold on him loosen.

i think it was aki. being saved. being cared for. being cared for so unconditionally, by someone who doesn't have two months of his life to spare. by someone who by all means should not care about angel at all.

immediately afterwards, angel is held. held protectively over a chest, against a storm. we don't know how long it's been since angel has been in a situation similar to this but we can assume it's been a long time.

in my potentially delusional opinion, that feels powerful enough to shake makima's control even for a moment.

you might have guessed where im heading with all this.

- gun devil arc:

here. in this very scene. we see the shock on angel's face as aki gives himself up. the horror of what it can mean, the trigger of memory of what it had meant for him in the past.

in this scene, angel regains all the memories makima took from him, without her permission.

makima doesn't seem swayed by this, but she does comment on it, indicating it wasn't her doing at all.

following my previous logic, strong emotions is once again what pushes makima out of angel's head. this time, quite literally kicks her out. even for a little while.

considering makima's power, how easily she takes complete control of him right after anyway, we can only imagine how strongly angel felt about aki losing himself to her in that moment.

now it's up to anyone to interpret this as whatever they want. it's up to anyone to call me crazy and completely disregard this whole thing since it's thriving on subtext and theory along with analysis powered by hyperfixation.

i personally cannot shake the feeling that there are at least romantic undertones here. there are so many akiangel scenes i didn't talk about in this post, so many very blatant hints that akiangel's bond was never friendship. there was tension from start to finish and there's no other explanation for it.

as for angel specifically, since this post is about his feelings, we know he's been in love before. with a human nonetheless. we know he has the capacity for it. I don't think im reaching to think that caring so deeply and wholeheartedly for a human again could mirror these feelings.

i dont think its too unlikely for him to be in love again. but that's just me.

i was asked to go crazy and crazy i went lmao. my asks are open for more prompts for me to analyze. i have sm more to talk about if anyone wants to hear it.

oh that's a very nice question.

i kind of always believed that angel's demeanor was to an extent a front to cover the fact that he didn't want to use his power.

im undecided about whether it was a conscious choice or an instinctual response to the unresolved trauma of killing his village.

like, does he not like using his power and uses laziness and cruelty as an excuse for other people or does he feel the guilt creep in every time he's called to fight and found that attributing it to hating humans bc he's a devil is easier for himself?

I don't think he ever truly felt that way about humans. the whole "they deserve to die painful deaths" thing. like even thinking as a devil it would make sense to absorb that dying man's life span since it's useful to him.

it had to be a front, at least to some extent.

to answer ur question, when does the switch flip? when does the mask crack?

it would be clear as day if angel showed mercy to that woman AFTER aki gave up two months to save him.

however as u said, it happens before that. the way i see it, angel and aki had the same effect on each other. and it progressed very quickly as well.

they both have history driving them. aki has lost people, lost himeno and is all the more susceptible to the fear of losing angel as well. angel on the other hand, even though he doesn't remember it, must still be experiencing the grief and guilt of what makima made him do. lots of loss there too.

they aren't new to compassion. the barriers were weak even though neither would admit it. so they bring each other's walls down easily enough.

aki reminds angel of his past lover and the ppl of his village, bc even begrudgingly, he's kind to angel. he in turn reminds aki of himeno for obvious reasons. even if in their brains just being aki and angel isn't enough yet, their histories get them there.

so, angel is compassionate to that dying woman, letting his affection for humans slip through the cracks. soon after, aki gives up two months to save him. same as he did when he drew the curse's sword to save himeno. only now it's for this partner he barely knows, who is a devil on top of everything else.

i dont think there was a distinct switch flip for either of them. i think their stories, their relationship to each other and the parallels between them took them slowly but surely from being "natural enemies" all the way to the hospital scene, where they both confess to wanting to do everything in their power to keep each other alive.

ahahah ur wish is my command ~

now bear with me a lot of this relies on things that are up to interpretation so brace urselves for me reaching and being maybe a tiny bit delusional thanks

so, i will deliberately not talk about the very popular moments that akiangel has, i can do a separate post about them at some point, but i want to focus specifically on angel.

meaning: scenes where their feelings and actions are reciprocated like saving each other, helping each other live longer etc will not be mentioned in this post.

lets take this chronologically:

- bomb devil arc

angel is the personification of duality. we know he exists as an oxymoron. from his name all the way to his personality.

this for me is the core of what i think angel is as a character. however i wont get into analysing angel's whole internal conflict rn.

(i have a post talking about angel's feelings, the grief and remorse he must feel with no recollection of what brought them on. I'll talk about that in depth some other time bc even though it plays into this part, we'll stray from the subject. i thought it was worth mentioning briefly though)

that's not what i wanted to talk about in this scene. i want to focus on the second part, which happened after reze's death.

in that scene, makima had ordered angel to bring aki with him to the scene. angel disregarded that order and came alone, which led to makima "accusing" him of being kind for sparing aki from the task of killing a girl. angel replies to this with "i am an angel after all".

what gets me the most about this beautiful scene is that as we now know, makima is the control devil. her word is law. even when she's not actively making ppl obey her will, we know her commanding aura makes it difficult for anyone to stray from her orders. despite that, here is angel, casually going against a direct order to keep aki from doing sth he doesn't want to do.

this might not seem like much, but follow my thought process here.

the infamous scene. contrary to popular belief, im here to talk about the first picture rather than the later two.

the moment between aki letting go of angel's shirt and grabbing his hand, angel gets a flash of the human he was in love with before makima found him.

i used to believe he got that flash bc he thought he was finally approaching his own death (still a valid interpretation), however here rolls a very popular theory about makima's power.

we know who she can control has to do with status, who views her as superior and whatnot. however, at the very end of part 1, we have power breaking her control as she thinks about her moments with denji. in that scene, power is still afraid of makima, so why is makima unable to take control of her?

a lot of ppl have interpreted this as a "weakness" to makima's power. more specifically, that strong feelings have the power to break her control over someone, at least briefly.

rolling with this, we can assume this is what happened with angel in this scene. for just a second he gets to access the memories that makima has locked away. the next question is, what are his strong feelings about in that moment?

we know that angel isn't afraid of death, he's been waiting for it. taking that into consideration, I don't think it was the feelings about his impending death that made makima's hold on him loosen.

i think it was aki. being saved. being cared for. being cared for so unconditionally, by someone who doesn't have two months of his life to spare. by someone who by all means should not care about angel at all.

immediately afterwards, angel is held. held protectively over a chest, against a storm. we don't know how long it's been since angel has been in a situation similar to this but we can assume it's been a long time.

in my potentially delusional opinion, that feels powerful enough to shake makima's control even for a moment.

you might have guessed where im heading with all this.

- gun devil arc:

here. in this very scene. we see the shock on angel's face as aki gives himself up. the horror of what it can mean, the trigger of memory of what it had meant for him in the past.

in this scene, angel regains all the memories makima took from him, without her permission.

makima doesn't seem swayed by this, but she does comment on it, indicating it wasn't her doing at all.

following my previous logic, strong emotions is once again what pushes makima out of angel's head. this time, quite literally kicks her out. even for a little while.

considering makima's power, how easily she takes complete control of him right after anyway, we can only imagine how strongly angel felt about aki losing himself to her in that moment.

now it's up to anyone to interpret this as whatever they want. it's up to anyone to call me crazy and completely disregard this whole thing since it's thriving on subtext and theory along with analysis powered by hyperfixation.

i personally cannot shake the feeling that there are at least romantic undertones here. there are so many akiangel scenes i didn't talk about in this post, so many very blatant hints that akiangel's bond was never friendship. there was tension from start to finish and there's no other explanation for it.

as for angel specifically, since this post is about his feelings, we know he's been in love before. with a human nonetheless. we know he has the capacity for it. I don't think im reaching to think that caring so deeply and wholeheartedly for a human again could mirror these feelings.

i dont think its too unlikely for him to be in love again. but that's just me.

i was asked to go crazy and crazy i went lmao. my asks are open for more prompts for me to analyze. i have sm more to talk about if anyone wants to hear it.

Chapter 1

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Part 5

Chapter 2

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

Chapter 3

Part 1

Part 2

Chapter 4

Part 1

Part 2

Part 3

Part 4

To be updated

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I’m seeing a pattern in my OTPs at this point

➞ Na-Kyum │ Painter of the night