Nijntje

We are Nijntje, a chaotic collective trying to manage a blog, we write about different things depending on who's fronting, sometimes light sometimes a bit deeper. We want to share our own view of our life as a plural being.

We're an adult, queer and disabled. We work with heavy machinery which is really cool and make our syskids the happiest syskids on this earth because trucks.

Since we're adult: if you're a minor/in a minor body DO NOT interact with us in DM/any private way to interact. We aren't comfortable with that.

We have no DNI but please be respectful. Also no NSFW content/message/... without warning.

We do not want to be involved in any discourse without our consent.

It's like, "do you/I/we want a banana?" And then listening to what feelings comes in response.

Never questions too hard or too big when the communication line is too thin. "Do you want to eat?" is already to complicated. The choice must already be done (unless the co-fronter has specificities linked to eating).

(With us as example, our collective has our native language as default language but we have headmates who have the language of the country we live in as language by default, they have to consciously think of our native language to speak it)

Please, tell us we're not the only one with language barrier issues :')

But since childhood our brain learned that if one can't do it, then it just have to create a new one with that ability. Thus, we have a lot of caretakers.

But even for them, doing everything is hard so the brain created specific alters, who aren't really developed who only do one thing. They only shower, they only clean the room, they only make sure the body has food, they only do the dishes, ...

Yes I saw myself in a mirror this morning. I just don't see the body as mine so I don't particularly pay attention to it.

The alter fronting yesterday must have felt dysphoric with our long(ish) hair and shaved them. I kind of wish they'd left a note about it though. I've bought hairbands for nothing.

I guess our long hair goal is currently paused.

Like, we know someone who say "oh no" with a specific tone and quite often, we just end up saying it with the same tone (either after hearing this person say it or more at random time).

That's something we all do (even the alters who struggle speaking) and even if we don't all have the same, we often share them with other alters.

You don't have to rush the discoveries, go at your own pace.

Knowledge does not make you more or less valid, does not make it more or less real.

Take the time you need to accept your plurality and take the time you need to learn about yourself.ves.

For us it's just the "by default"/most present alter/have the most interest for the role of their system (which also can be multiple hosts or none depending on what's the dynamic inside the system). For example, I'm not a host of the collective since I just don't front that much and have no interest in the real life but I'm the host of my system because I'm the one who's the most active inside it.

Recently we asked ourselves why our collective name was so comforting to us. Like, why was it so nice to be called by a name that isn't mine to begin with.

And the answer is probably because my entire childhood I was called by a lot of names and rarely mine (at least outside of my family). And I knew that depending on the name I was called, I was supposed to act a certain way (how to develop plurality for Dummies) which led to me kind of switch from one attitude to another and this added to trauma made me the way we are now.

So for us, to have one collective name, that we all chose together (with the ones who where here at the time) is just a way to come back from never have one identity but always expectations linked to the name used (for a kid mind).

Host has a lot of panic attacks, Host read fanfictions where MC has a lot of panic attacks too. In this fanfiction a character is often there to help MC through the panic attacks, new alter from this character pop in our collective to help Host.

That's it. Our brain is kinda lazy what can I say-

They will either say that I'm just confuse with my gender –which no, I'm pretty sure I'm not– and that's why I think I'm plural –so I'm not plural in their eyes.

Or they will say I'm not trans, it's just a different alter influencing me –still not.

But my biggest struggle is: where do I find informations, accounts/testimonies, ... about being trans a plural? Why does no one speak about being both around me –me included (in my native language)?

Why do we not speak more about how other parts of our identities impact our life as plural systems? Because the same way I'm pretty sure my lived experience as a trans collective can differ from the one of a cis collective, other discriminations and privileges can (and do) impact it.

I can't afford therapy anymore but when I was younger I had access to it which is one of the reasons as to why we function so well. We had help early on, even if doctors didn't know about our plurality, we still had some support for other things.

To make it short, I think we should speak more about how others parts of our identities (in a sociological way I guess) affect our plurality.

But maybe I just don't follow the right blogs or hashtags. If you have recommendations, I take them.

Yeah, idk

(Since we don't have the murderous one)

I made a little list of the dangerous alters in our system (you're can add yours to the list ofc)

– the ones who fronted during our fighting classes they have crazy reflexes and catch on things I didn't even notice. They can accidentally hurt people if they act in a (considered) threatening way

– the ones who learned how to fight "in real life", they don't fear fighting and can challenge you real quick if you upset them. No method just feeling, they're unpredictable

– the ones who took speaking classes in middle school, they can use words to make your confidence crumble (better not have esteem issues)

– the ones who don't care about life and death, they end up in dangerous situations more often than not because "why not? It's fun"

Just to say, they're as dangerous as anyone in a similar situation. If someone learned to fight and kept their reflexes, they could involuntarily attack you. If someone learned how to use words against others, they can hurt you with them. If someone think life is just fun, they can pretty easily end up in dangerous situations.

We wanted to talk a bit about the way we manage our relationships as a system (written with friendships in mind)

Before we start it's important to notice that most of the alters in our collective (outside of the hosts) do not care about what's happening in our day-to-day life. They'll front when there's something they want to do but otherwise they aren't that active. The important decisions regarding daily life are made by the hosts with little to no help from the others.

When it comes to friendships, most of the time it's quite the same. Hosts will meet people befriend them, spend time with them and that's it. From time to time, an alter will meet someone they like and the hosts will do their best to maintain the relationship even in the absence of the alter but it's rarer.

Since others are not interested in relationships with the real world, it's quite important to listen to their opinion when they do have one. Thus, if some alters are against a relationship, we're going to listen to them, even if it's not the majority (unlike other situations). We're going to talk, discuss and listen to each point of view and the choose whether we stay close to the person or let time fly and distance us or we just cut the relationship.

As a collective, relationships and maintaining them can be hard. Between amnesia, "personality" changes, triggers, opinions, ... it's hard to keep friends and have stable relationships (even more when you're not out as a system) and for that we feel lucky that only the hosts are interested in real life and real life relationships. For a long time it wasn't the case and I still wonder how we managed.

Like what? I've met a tone of systems and it applies every time :')