seth.

“i don’t care, i just need you. i can’t take this anymore.”

and whenever his boy gets more masculine he just keeps falling deeper in love with him, paying for his hormones and top surgery, not caring about the weird looks his family and friends give him.

show me why i’m yours.

when you know who you are but you don’t know in what way you want to express it?

i know i’m a man. have known for 5 years. i feel like one, i see one when i look at myself. but what kind of man?

a man that wears “boy clothes” and feels too much? who cries and bleeds? a man that craves his bones crushed and his soul in an eternal state of melancholy and need? a man that only cares about solitude and a pair of lips to kiss like he would die without them?

or a man that doesn’t care about the pain? who can dress cute and still speak with a deep voice? a man that craves the spotlights? who is flamboyant and obsessed with the idea of being remembered for being different? not just another one?

in both cases i’m a man. but sometimes my brain switches. sometimes i want to cry, sometimes i want to laugh. sometimes i want the taste of blood in my mouth, sometimes i want the taste of sweetness.

sometimes i want to die, sometimes i want to live.

i’ll never understand myself. i can only hope that those two parts of myself won’t collapse one day.