SURVIVORS

ive been on ikora for a full month and my poor multi’s been ignored but sometimes u just gotta

     It stings a little bit, hearing it at first. In a way, he concedes that she’s right. Talking really is all he does. Sometimes he fights, and he fights well, but most of it just is him running his mouth, isn’t it ? It’s a part of who he is, or, he believes so. He’s not supposed to have record of who he used to be, none of them are, yet here he is, trying to live up to the Cayde the written journals depict. Perhaps he’s doing it wrong, perhaps he’s doing it right. He’ll never know. 

     He knows for a moment it did show; people pay attention to him. It had been a slight movement of his head, the small widening of his eyes, a quick flick to the side, casting a downward gaze, before he focuses back on her. It’s quick, something so fleeting one could second guess if it had happened, especially when Cayde responds, his tone betraying none of the emotions he’d just gone through; right back to a chipper joking attitude. 

     “ Aw, cut me some slack ! I do what I can. And, well, I’m good at talking. People seem to listen around here. If they’re not stubborn. ” Looking at you, Zavala. 

     Calmly he sets the book to the side of him, but stays seated up on the desk as he listens to her talk about the experience. There’s not a lot actively said, but it’s the way she speaks that has him filling in the blanks. For all the times he’d been difficult with his fireteam ( up to and including right marching out of a room in the middle of discussions ), he pays attention to them. Learned to read them; which leads him to actually hopping down from his seat and approaching her, reaching out to gently put his hand on her shoulder, a gesture meant to be reassuring. 

      “ I was too. ” It’s not something he’d necessarily admit to anyone else, not something he likes to admit. He’s Cayde-6. He’s not supposed to be afraid. He’s supposed to look everything in the eyes and laugh it off. This was the exception, he found. Faced with mortality, it gave him a lot to think about. Someone or something is going to kill him for good one day. One way or the other. He’d been thinking it over, about what he’s going to do. Out of all of them, he’s the most likely to die. It’s reality, and through the war he really came face to face with it.

     “ I think I was more afraid of the people I’d lose if I died back there. ” His hand slowly comes off her shoulder and returns to his side, his eyes casting a glance off to the side, slightly narrowing as brows come down. He’s troubled by the thought still. Sure, he’d leave a legend behind him, but what about everyone else ? “ I just kept thinking I never really left anyone anything. And… I think I’m going to change that. It gave me a lot to think about. Brought me back down to Earth, so to speak, if only for a minute. I don’t plan to try to dwell on it but… Talking about it… It gets it off my chest. It helps. I can’t say anything solid for anyone else, but if it helps me, I don’t know, maybe it’ll help someone else. Maybe it’ll help you. ” A pause. “ Not that I’m implying you necessarily need help. Just… It’s here. You know, if you want it. ”

she would never hurt him, not on purpose. she’s spent her lives studying the light, the traveler, teaching her hunters... but when it comes to people, she is always a step behind. she knows cayde and zavala better than anyone. they are the two ikora feels the most comfortable around. but even after all these years, decades, by their side, she still finds ways to stick her foot in her mouth. 

cayde is a master hunter. he is the hunter above all hunters, just as she is the warlock above all warlocks. and despite his faults, he is one of the smartest men she has ever met. but even his talents could not hide the truth from her; she sees the way he glances sideways, the brief flickering of his optics. she knows, and she hates it. hates herself for it. it seems as though she needs more practice at watching her words.

despite everything, he is still cayde, and she would never hurt him. not her best friend.

“as i told our guardian friend, there is... there WAS a sort of finality about that battle. not just for us, but for everyone. we have faced gods and demons before, beings of the light and the dark, but...” ikora pauses, to chew on her words. every bit of her instinct screams for her to drop the conversation. she is the youngest vanguard, but that does not mean she is a CHILD. she should not be afraid of the dark. “but i was afraid.”

“i shouldn’t have been. i know that. we are guardians, even without our light. we are-- we are the VANGUARD. warlocks look to me to lead them. but from the moment i felt my light leave me, i...”

the feeling rises once more. cold, creeping from deep within her stomach; tendrils wrapping around her heart, slithering towards her lungs. her breath, growing shorter as she feels her ghost struggling to survive. it is only cayde’s hand, the warmth and the pressure, that keeps her from falling back, that keeps the ghosts of yesterday away. but even his touch cannot suppress the truth. 

without her light, she had been weak and flighty. she is not the vanguard the warlocks deserve. but perhaps she can be, one day. one day she’ll deserve that title. 

     “ So you say, but if you really put your mind to it, I think you could get close. To being a mind reader, I mean. ” He speaks casually, his attention diverted to the book in his hands, flipping it over and examining in. He’s always had this habit, and he’s never made an attempt to stop it. If anyone wanted him to stop playing with something, they’d generally have to take it out of his hands ( which would of course, warrant complaint from him ). 

     “ As it stands, you read into what I’m here for rather perfectly. What with Zavala being more… Zavala than usual, there’s not really a good way for me to, you know, check in there. I mean, not to say I’m not a little concerned for the both of you. ” He lapses into silence after that, laying the book gently on his lap, running his fingers over the cover of it for a moment. There’s a thoughtful look running across his face for the first time in a long while; it’s not something he usually shows around anyone else, not for serious matters like it is now. 

     “ If you two are anything like I am, and I’m not saying you are, there’s no doubt someone to talk to might… you know, help. ” Being faced with mortality after being immortal for so long had taken a toll on Cayde, whether or not he wanted to admit it ( he really didn’t in that regard ). Slowly he lifts his gaze up, locking it on her. “ I wasn’t one to let it stop me, but in the back of my head, the entire way, I kept thinking ‘ you die here, you die for good ’. Something about that stuck with me. I’m honestly really hoping it’s just me, but that’s just wishful thinking, isn’t it ? That aside, I mean, if you’re fine, you’re fine and I’m not here to press or pester you. As much as some people seem to think of me. ” A chuckle is quick to follow, along with a light shrug. 

@thanatophobiic / cont !

“believe me, cayde, i’m no mind-reader” she allows a smile, a small one, to grace her lips. it’s been too long since she’s smiled. something warm, something true. something beyond the vanguard and the woman who wears its seal. “i simply know my friends too well.” 

or perhaps not well enough, she thinks, glancing past cayde’s shoulder. a wall of books sit, free of dust and disruption. the typical warlock, ikora has spent so much time studying the light, the traveler, the people ad places around them. she knows what awaits them-- at least, she HAD known what awaited them. after the red legion’s attack, their light stolen from their very bodies... perhaps she had been wrong. but knowing you’ve made a mistake and dwelling on them are two very different things, and she will learn. it is what she does best. 

“and that is what you’re all about, isn’t it, cayde? talking?” the words come out harsher than she intends, and silently ikora curses herself. for someone so smart, she can say the stupidest things to those she truly cares for. “that... is not what i meant. you know that.”

ikora has long grown used to cayde’s... interruptions.

of all the vanguard, cayde is more connected to the people. zavala and ikora are both close to their own subclasses, but cayde... cayde is different. titans and warlocks and hunters alike all love him; he is the vanguard of the people, and that shows in every action he takes, every move he makes. even every stupid joke that comes from his mouth is catered to those around him.

so what brings him here today? another visit, or is there something more? the red legion had nearly shattered their vanguard, killed them all. but worse than that, it’d driven even more of a wedge between them. at least, zavala seems to think so.

a quiet sigh escapes as ikora turns from the bay window-- a new addition to a new and improved tower-- and onto her dearest friend. a smile twitches the corners of her mouth, though she dares not allow it to bloom. not yet. 

                     I WILL DO MY BEST TO BE                                            SOMEONE YOU’D BE PROUD OF

“Joke’s on you, I never slept in the first place.”