Waiting to be rescued...

You all know I went in for my Friday white on white.  I think at this point it could go without saying.  That’s what I do on Friday mornings.  It was cah-razy busy once again.  The lines of cars were wrapped around the parking lot.  There was kind of a peace about not trying to actively get into the Ginger Barista’s pants.  So, I’m just waiting in line minding my own business.  I noticed that Teddy Bear Barista was working today, too.  He’s a cutie.  He’s what people would call my type except he has a beard.  I usually go for the baby faced bigger guys. 

Here is my conundrum.  Although, I find the bigger guys attractive, I would like, for a change of pace, to be with a more slender guy.  Just to see what the fuss is all about.  And I’m not talking skinny.  I would like to have to some meat on the bones.  That’s why wanted Ginger so bad because he had an awesome body.  Also, I checked out his butt today.  I give it two thumbs up.  Plus he’s Ginger. Uh duh.  And it really really does kind of suck that I don’t want to date someone because of their body type.   Because I know that I would want someone to give me a chance. 

I have always found Teddy Bear to be a cutie.  He used to work at a hot dog place and I would basically go there to see him.  I realize now that I may have stalkerish tendencies but that’s for another blog post. He also has an adorable smile and he is very, very nice.  Plus tattoos.  Oh yes.  Momma likes tattoos.  So, you may be asking, “Why are we talking about Teddy Bear today??”  This is why:

Like I said, I’m just all minding my business.  Singing in my car cuz it was just a “singing in my car and I don’t care” kind of day.  Ginger had to go make more coffee so he hadn’t helped me yet.  I look over and I see Teddy Bear.  He glanced up and said with a big ole smile “Good Morning!”  I was kind of taken off guard cuz usually the other baristas who work the other windows don’t converse with the cars in the opposite windows.  I said “Hey!”  And we both at the same time said “How’s it going?”  We replied to each other with the standard “Pretty good” and what not.  I said, “Man, you guys are crushing it today!” He said “Yeah, we are pretty busy!”  Ginger comes back and apologizes and takes my order and blah blah. 

So this is something I never ever expected.  I don’t know if there is a change in my hormones or what.  But suddenly I feel like I don’t want to date my ginger barista. 

Let’s flashback: My friend aka the girls’ stepmom sent me a picture of my most favorite drink yesterday.  The White on White.  But it was cold!!  SAY WHUT?!?  I had to get it!  My stalking…er… I mean my research led me to believe that he only works mornings on Wednesday.  So, I was going to wait til then.

Fast forward to today: I drove by the coffee establishment to see that he was working.  Oh no!  What if he wasn’t working tomorrow morning cuz he was working today?  I had already gotten a coffee at the gas station because I had to drop the girls of at the grandparents’ place.  So I couldn’t just go get another coffee.  I still had some money left on my gift card which led me to my decision to get a cold White on White at noon. 

I pulled up and told him what I wanted.  He gave me my drink and we did a little small talk.  It was easier now that I broke the ice.  We talked about the weekend for just a tiny bit before he had to go back to work.  And the strangest thing happened when I pulled off…. I had a feeling….

I don’t want to date him.

What was wrong with my brain pan?  He had all the top qualities I want in a man.

He’s a ginger.  A GINGER, PEOPLE!

He has a smile that lights      up the entire city!

He has tattoos.

He is super nice.

So, today was the day!  I got my hurr did by my very talented seestar.  She also waxed my face.  I had on my cuuuutest makeup.  With couple of pep talks from my friends and family under my belt, I was ready to give this dude a compliment.

I drove up to the coffee place and the lines were horrendous.  I looked over to where the employees are parked and his car was there!  (Yes.  I know which car he drives.  I am unapologetic.)  Which line will I go to?  Which one is he in?  So, I went with my gut and went in the line that I usually don’t go through.  Ladies and Gentlemen, WE HAVE A WINNER!!  OMG! I’m in his line.  My whole body started shaking and my tummy was doing jumping jacks or something.  I don’t know what the hell it was doing.  But it was throwing me off my game.  I was thinking that I might not be able to go through with it.  I was the 3rd car in line.  I’m glad no one was watching me because I was talking to myself out loud trying to convince myself that “it’s now or never”, “you can do this”, “gitchur game face on.”   At least I hope no one was watching.  Now, I’m the 2nd car.  “You got this, girl.  You got your fancy hair and your fancy face.  YOU BETTER COMPLIMENT HIS DAMN SMILE!!  DAMNIT!”

I pull up to be served and let me tell you…  I was drenched in sweat.   It wasn’t pretty.

“Hi there!  How can I help you?” he asked me.

“Have my ginger babies and become my husband,” … is what I wanted to say.  But instead I said, “White on white, please.”

“Small, medium, or large?”

“I would like a large wedding but we can settle for a medium sized.” …. Um… “Small.  Man, you guys are busy today, huh?”

“Yeah!  It was like we got slammed all at once.  And other than your order, it was like multiple drinks or they wanted weird stuff in them,” he smiled his gorgeous angel smile.

My brain pan screamed at me, “THAT’S YOUR “IN”!!  TELL HIM YOU LIKE HIS SMILE!! DO IT CRAZY WOMAN!!”

“I just wanted to say that I really like your smile,” I said.

“What?” he asked.

I said it a bit louder, “I really like your smile.”

“Aww.  Thank you!”  His smiled beamed and the angel choirs sung once more.

OH MY GOODNESS!!!  HE IS MORE ADORABLE WHEN YOU COMPLIMENT HIM!!!!  I must do this more often.

So, there you have it!!  I did it!!  And I didn’t even puke or drive off without my coffee.  I am, however, glad that it’s a drive-thru.  Because I am pretty sure if I stood next him, I would have kicked his shins and then ran away.  Without my coffee.

Great news about this other than I got to witness the smile of the century with my own two peepers is that it’s great material for my book.  Ya know, cuz he’s like one of the main characters.  I got to actually see the reaction.  And I wrote that down right away.

Operation: Compliment failed yet again.  I bought a damn gift card because at least my coffee was free today.  This is the most expensive flirtation attempt in the history of flirtation attempts.  At least I'm supporting a local business.  And I love my Coffee Connection.  So all of this is not at all a waste but I usually only go on Fridays as a treat.  Not every damn day of the week. 

Anyways, I am having a ton of fun writing my book.  It's coming to me so easily.  Right now, I'm am just writing different situations that the main character will be put into.  My ending process will be to put together all these situations and add in transitions.  I let my friend (aka my girls' stepmom) read a situation and she really liked it.  This pleases me!

Yesterday, I went through my blog to see which dudes made the cut.

1. Vampire hair guy is going to play a big part in my book. 2. I have already written a situation with TonyStark[insert random numbers here].  I must say it's pretty good. 3. Creepy dad has made the cut. 4. Mudder has made the cut. 5. Hollywood will be a part of the main character's back story.

This is false advertisement.  I have never seen dudes like this on a dating website.  The locals I get look more like Sloth from the Goonies.  I'm not saying I look like those glorious models they depict for the guys adverts. But I think it would be nice to have "average" people like me as their face.

Seriously...  I don't know why I do it.  Oh wait.  I'm a woman and I was feeling lonely.  That's why I do it.

So I go back on POF... (that start up of a sentence is why you know this is going to be good) and I start talking to this guy.  His profile seemed nice and legit.  His pictures were acceptable.  No flashing the finger at me or photo-shopped out ex girlfriends.  I went ahead clicked the "wants to meet him" button.

He messages me and was talking about how he is a big dork.  I love dorks!! But I want one that isn't overly awkward in social situations.  I know they are out there!!  I know a few of them.  I've dated a couple of them.  They are out there.  So I get all giddy because I want a dork.  I told him he can't be a bigger dork than this Harry Potter lovin, Master Sword wieldin, Lord of the Rings nerd here.  He started talking about his love of Stargate.  And then it happens...

He doesn't talk and when he does, it's weird.  Damnit.  Another batshit weird one.  I asked him what his interests were and he said watching movies, listening to music, <<insert more generic interests>>, hanging with my woman, <<insert another generic interest in hopes that it will camoflage that big red flag>>.

Wait a minute... did he just say this incredibly clingy thing to a prospective date??  Yup, he sure did.  Or did he just tell me that he was in a relationship?  Either way, BIG RED FLAG!!

I just brush it off.  Cuz if you know me, I need more than one big red flag to be like "oh this dude is batshit weird."

BIG RED FLAG #2: I asked him what he does for a living.  He said that he's sort of a laborer and then changed the subject.  Is he really not going to tell me what he does for a living?  Is he part of the mafia??  Will he have to "off" me if he tells me what he does for a living?  Does he wash old people??  WHAT DO YOU DO, DUDE??

BIG RED FLAG #3:  The next day I get a text at 6:00 am stating, "Morning."  I just started talking to you last night.  You are going to text me that crazy early in the morning?  Of course, I was up and getting ready for work.  But he doesn't know that..

BIG RED FLAG #4:  He tells me later tonight that he has to take a shower because he's a dirty, dirty boy.  I tried to not respond in a way that it could be taken sexual but it didn't work.  My "uh oh!" text gave him an open invitation to talk about me seeing him naked.  He tells me that he is hairy and has a big belly (he's insecure.. that's a red flag within a red flag. We are going down the rabbit hole, people.) and I jokingly told him me too.  Then he offers to send me a picture of him in his underwear. Wow.

So, I know I haven't been actively looking. 

But sometimes there are days when I get that whole girly idea of having a strong Prince Charming by my side and I start to feel lonely.  This means.... I go scrolling.

This recent crop of singles were not looking good.  So I keep scrolling.  Maybe a fresh crop will arrive after 20 clicks or 30 clicks or 45.... maybe?  Click 57 is when the crops start lookin' better.  I'm not one for guys posting shirtless pics to score dates but this one guy.  Hoooo boy.  Yes.  Momma like.   So I start clicking the Meet Me button.  Maybe not such a good idea.

I get a message from a guy.  I remember the picture but I don't remember clicking the meet me button because his profile was virtually blank.  So why did I click meet me??? I know nothing about this guy or any made up attributes like "drama hater" and "not a game player".  How could have been so careless and click MEET ME???

His message started out as "Hi Sweetie."  This is how my brain processes messages like this:

"You don't know me.  Why am I your sweetie???  You have a disease and you don't care who you give it to. Don't you??  No! Wait!  NO!  You're a serial killer that preys on young easy women that have low self esteem and even lower standards!!  AAAAH!!! GET AWAY!!"

My brain is messed up, people.  It may need help.

Only a few people know this but I am not actively looking for a man.  When I say I'm not actively looking, I mean I'm not going to go out of my way to look in POF.  But if you want to send me a message, sure I'll look at it for entertainment value.

I've decided to not be active in the dating arena because there are some qualities that I want in a man that I, myself, do not have yet.  I believe it should be an equal partnership. If I want these qualities, I have to them also.  In my hiatus, I have had some lovelies message me.  Let me share with you.

"I like Pink Floyd."  Really?  I can guarantee that 100% of Pink Floyd fans like Pink Floyd.  I know it's a shocking statistic.  This also reminds me of that creepy little kid standing in line with Ralphie to see Santa in A Christmas Story. "I like the Wizard of Oz."  One liners do not warrant a response.  Also, smile in your damn photos or I'm gonna think you are one of those damned souls roaming the Earth in search of a heart.

I was clicking through the profiles on my Plenty of Fish app and I came across the guy that I thought was the one. It was so weird. The whole friggin situation was weird. He was gone. Poof! Just like that. I still to this day have no idea why he left. Our last conversation was so left field. I never thought he had doubts about us until that night.

I have had a couple of learning experiences this past month when it comes to relationships and dating. The gamer guy that I have been talking to has been an awesome learning experience for me.

I have been going about this dating thing all along. I know some of you people out probably already know what I am about to reveal. I need to make friends first before actually dating a guy. I mean if he happens to be "the one", I should probably see if I can be his friend forever. Right? The gamer guy and I have never given out our digits or sent each other Facebook requests. I do have him on my Wii U friends. So that's a big step.  But it is nice to talk to a guy who is just interested in getting to know me and who just wants to be friends. I may be friend zoned in his mind at the moment but that's ok. He's a really cool guy. It's all gravy, baby. And I have learned something from if all we will become is POF pen pals.

Secondly, I was going through my Gmail account looking for my cute little stars background that reminds me of my friend Janet and I came across old photos and a text message manuscript from an ex. I read through it. Some of you may be gasping and are shaking your heads at this terrible thing I've done. It actually helped me! I can see now why when he was dumping me via text that he mentioned the sex was great. I was crazy! At the time when he said that, I was like why in the hell would even tell me that. It's because according to my texts it was all I was talking about. What an eye opener!