Just Keep Swimming

One thing that still really hurts after all this time though.

Everytime I tried to convey my feelings, it was always conveyed in the sense I was trying to be manipulative. When in reality my communication and train of thought is just so far from atypical.

I miss Caitlyn.

I can't help but blame myself for so much.

I wasn't so stuck inside my head, and anxious, and overthinky the first couple years we were together.

Gonna start getting real weird with it and just have fun cause i don't have enough anymore.

I barely feel connections to people.

I'm most comfortable in the background.

If people show interest in me it feels fake, forced, and uncomfortable. And it always has.

Except for the handful of people who have came into my life and it just felt natural.

I don't have that anymore.

I don't think I can handle that again even if i did have it.