MOENELLA

something that ive started to notice over the past few years is the insane amount of homophobia/transphobia in and around queer spaces, particularly towards women (again, as i said before, i am not invalidating anyones experiences and i will get to the discourse that ive seen around queer men). something that i see an awful lot of is people and companies speaking up and supporting trans men but often fall silent when it comes to trans women. i find most of the justification for this is statements like "trans women only sexualize women" or "ive had bad experiences with trans women so that means all of them are absolutely evil." statements like these are such insane generalizations and, more often than not, completely inaccurate and unjustified. i have met plenty of trans women who are unkind or hurtful but i have also met plenty of trans women who are lovely and gentle. just because a trans women appears sexual or wears revealing clothing does not mean she is outright sexualizing women. it is her choice to wear and act however she wants and most people who say that this is "sexualizing women" do not say that when a cis women wears a mini skirt or a v-neck top. i also see a lot of people stating that because a woman is trans, she cannot participate in conversations regarding misogyny, womens rights, or general experiences that women have. most of these statements are made by cis women who just dont understand that misogyny does not only effect them. not to mention misogyny doesnt only effect people who identify as women but also anybody afab. i see so many transmasc/nonbinary people be excluded from discussions about the aforementioned topics (misogyny, womens rights, or general experiences that women have). along with this i see a lot of labels used by trans folk being called "invalid" or "too much." a big example is lesboys (someone whose gender aligns with masculinity but still identifies as a man). there is a lot of discourse surrounding this label. i often see people calling it useless and saying that people should just call themselves straight at that point but that completely invalidates nonbinary people who resonate with the label as well as butches/masculine lesbians. other labels i see a lot of discourse around is turigirls and gaybians. i think most of the discourse just comes from people not fully understanding definitions or being fed the wrong definitions. for a while i went by lesboy because i was genderfluid (preferring he/they pronouns) but also aligned with being lesbian and when i tell you people were absolutely fuming because of this. i had a number of good friendships end when i stated this and the entire reason why i used to identify with the term is because i was still processing a load of trauma regarding being perceived as feminine. it really is a strange phenomenon because most people disagreeing with these labels are also queer. it feels a lot like telling a trans man he cant wear a dress because hes a guy. telling someone afab they cant be lesbian is just strange? and like i said, most of this hate is coming from queer people and is directed at other queer people (typically transfolk that dont fall into the binary).

okay is everyone still with me? no? okay well im gonna talk about one more thing and then move onto the homophobia i see. the last point i wanna make is mainly directed towards the strange way i see people try and invalidate pride month. this way is by stating its mens mental health awareness, which is true and should be known. the problem is most people saying this do not take into account trans men, nonbinary people who align with masculinity, and queer men in general. a lot of anti-pride posts bring up how it feels like pride is "overshadowing" mens mental health but pride is often the one time that queer men can say what theyve experienced and how its effected their mental health. i find that a lot of cishet men do not consider queer men to be "real men." often calling gay men "too feminine" or trans men "confused." pride isnt meant to overshadow anyones opinions or experiences. rather, its meant to encourage people to speak up and feel united over shared experiences. the large majority of people supporting pride are also supporting mens mental health. people using this argument are just trying to invent new ways to be trans/homophobic while still flying under the radar.

okay phew hi guys we made it. like i said before, i am not invalidating anyones feelings/experiences and i am not radqueer. some people are gonna get mad at me for saying i support turigirls and gaybians but that doesnt mean im radqueer nor am i a bad person. ok? ok. anyways homophobia time everybody boo.

the main cases of homophobia i see in queer spaces is directed at bisexuals, arospec people, and people that dont fit in the main 3 (gay, bisexual, and lesbians). a lot of bisexual people are viewed as invalid for being in a hetero presenting relationship (not to mention how so much of this cruelty comes from other bisexuals). i find a lot of people in the online queer community view bisexuality as a synonym for same-sex attraction and while it is under the umbrella, it is not the same as being lesbian or gay. bi-erasure is a hot topic in the community right now, especially with it being pride month. of course, like all big internet discussions, there are two sides. unfortunately, i find that the side supporting bi-erasure is larger than that trying to remove it from the community. pride is not meant to set people apart. it is meant to unite everyone under a shared experience. along with bisexuals, arospec people are often excluded from queer spaces for, quite frankly, no reason. so many people, even in the queer community, view being on the arospec as a phase or something that isnt a sexuality, but rather, an identity. sure, a lot of queer people may feel that they are on the aroace spectrum but later find out they werent and simply had not found the "right person." the problem is, its called a spectrum for a reason. its not that all asexuals dont experience sexual attraction. some may only occasionally experience it or only after forming a close bond. and, of course, some may never want to be sexually intimate with another. all of these points go with the aromantic spectrum as well. as i previously stated, pride is not meant to divide people but it still happens because homophobia exists in queer spaces. a large majority of sexualities are overlooked and, sure, there are a lot but thats no reason to say that somebody's sexuality isnt "real." for example, i often see omnisexual people being told to just call themselves pansexual and i see a lot of pansexual folk being told to just call themselves bisexual. this also contributes to bi-erasure because the definition is slowly losing its meaning. bisexuality is being attracted to those that fit into the binary while being pansexual is being attracted to those that expand beyond the two group (ex: people who use neopronouns). you also see it with berrisexual/sapphic people and them being told to just say theyre lesbian. or almondsexual/achillean people being told to just say theyre gay. a large majority of this comes from people within the queer community. i find that, most of the time, when hetero individuals find out about these labels they either accept it, dont think much of it, or find themselves aligning with the sexuality. now, it is important to state (again) that i am not invalidating anybodys experiences. i understand that everybody has their own experiences with homophobia. i see everyday gay/queer men being called predatory or inherently sexual. i see lesbians being told that they cant date nonbinary people who align with femininity, ive even experienced it myself. as i stated before, for a while i considered myself genderfluid and preferred he/they. during this time, i still felt that i was a lesbian. i didnt want to date cis men and really only felt attraction to people aligning with feminine genders. when i spoke to some of my closest friends about this, i ended up getting harassed and told that because i preferred he/they at the time, that i could not consider myself lesbian (keep in mind i did not exclusively use he/they. she/her was still fine it just wasnt my favorite at the time).