WHAT'S INSIDE MY HEAD?

Yay! Finally got time to bake. Was only imagining making our own bread before. Watched a lot of baking vlogs wondering when I can do mine too.

Tadah! The day has come 😂 Was actually afraid of baking breads because I don’t really know how to deal with yeast or dough or kneading. But there’s always a first time for everything, right? So here it is! Our first ube cheese pandesal.

Dough:

1 cup warm milk

1 tbsp white sugar (to activate the yeast)

2 tsp yeast

1 tsp salt

1/2 cup white sugar

1/2 cup vegetable oil (I used corn oil)

2 cups all purpose flour

1 cup bread flour

1 tsp vanilla essence

3 tsp ube flavoring (the more the merrier?😂)

2 tbsp ube jam (optional)

1/2 cup bread crumbs (just add if more if needed)

Filling:

Quickmelt cheese (regular cheese will do)

Ube jam

Steps:

1. On a separate bowl, mix the warm milk, 1 tbsp sugar, and yeast. Set aside for 5-10mins until the yeast is activated.

2. Mix the dry ingredients in a separate bowl. Add in the all purpose flour, bread flour, salt, and 1/2 cup sugar. Mix them well.

3. Check if the yeast is already activated so we can mix it with our dry ingredients.

Apparently, I was not able to mix well as seen here hahaha. But hey, the yeast was pretty much activated. Look at those tiny bubbles and foam.

4. Once your yeast is good to go, make a little crater at the center of your dry ingredients. Pour and mix in your milk/yeast mixture.

5. Add the vegetable oil, vanilla essence, ube flavoring, and ube jam. Mix well until the color is already well-combined and the texture is dough-like.

6. Dust your table/counter top with flour and transfer your dough for kneading. Didn’t use the electric mixer for kneading because I wanted to try kneading with my hands 😂 Experience points++

7. Knead the dough for about 10mins or until it’s smooth and not that sticky anymore. You can also do the window pane test wherein you get a portion of the dough and check if it stretches well. Continue kneading if your dough still breaks easily upon the test. After that, it’s now ready to rise!

8. Grease your bowl and dough with oil. Cover the bowl with a cloth or cling wrap. Let the dough rise for about 2hrs.

Got curious right here. Haha. So I kept on checking my rested dough from time to time, amazed with the rising that’s happening.

Finally, after two hours... (it actually has risen higher than this one. Just wasn’t able to document it 😅)

9. Gently give your dough weak punches to release the air

10. Dust the table with a bit of flour again and transfer your dough to the table.

11. Time for cutting! Roll your dough and cut into your desired partition. I cut mine into half first so it’s easier to manage. Partitioned it into six smaller chunks. Did the same for the other half.

12. Get a piece of chunk, flatten in and add in the cheese and ube jam for the filling.

Actually didn’t use a rolling pin, I just flattened it with my hands. Haha.

13. Seal the dough

14. Roll it to cover the flaps of the seal we made.

15. After you’ve finished adding the filling in all your chunks, roll them on the bread crumbs, and lay on a tray.

Haha. Please don’t mind the differences in sizes 😂 Was able to produce 13 instead of 12 because there was a piece we find too big and ended up splitting it. Also, it would be better if there are no cracks on the dough.

16. Cover with cloth and rest for another 30mins.

17. After 30mins... the dough should still expand a bit

18. Time to bake! Don’t forget to pre-heat your oven. Bake for 20mins at 180C

19. Time’s up!! Time to get our pandesals out of the oven!

Love the aroma of a freshly baked bread! Yum! Did you notice that the color is not that purple? Well, it’s because we didn’t add purple food color. We thought the ube flavoring is enough since the packaging said “ube flavor and color”. Hence, we didn’t buy additional food color. Hahaha! Anyway, the inside has a pale purple color nonetheless. Here it is, our first ever ube cheese pandesal. So proud and happy because it was a success!

I really love that it’s soft and chewy just like how I wanted it to be.

It’s so fun, fulfilling, and relaxing to bake your own bread! Also tests your patience because there’s a lot of waiting time when dealing with yeast.

I need to make time for everything I love to do to compensate my patience. Feeling ko kailangan ko ng super daming ‘me-time’ to regain who I truly am - to recharge my patience meter. Hahaha.

I keep on worrying about tomorrow, about the future but I need to constantly remind myself to live in the present, hold on to what’s in front of me, and enjoy the moment.

After almost seven years, I finally got the courage to quit my job without any back-up plans. Haha.

I remember contemplating every year whether I should quit my job and find a new one. I was good with my words but never did I take any action. My family and friends would always tease me every time I tell them that I’ll resign from work. Guess I became the girl who cried wolf.

Looking back, I think I did not have enough courage to take the leap of faith. I was too afraid to get out of my comfort zone(Yes. ci-tech has become my comfort zone despite my fair share of stress and hardships haha). I admit, I really do not have enough self-confidence. I didn’t think of myself as someone who can actually succeed outside ci-tech. I would always question my own capabilities. Self-doubt never left me. Hence, I stayed. Yes, I can be super pessimist at times :))

Honestly, I still would have stayed given better circumstances. But hey, here I am, finally unemployed and free. I never felt this kind of freedom after graduation since I started working immediately. I always thought that after my resignation, I’ll start with a new work right away. But now that I didn’t, feels good to breathe for a while.

Kinda new to me but I guess I still haven’t fully absorbed this whole resignation thing. Feels like I’m just on a long vacation leave. Haven’t found a new work yet but I already have an offer. Still contemplating on the overall benefits, though. I keep on thinking whether I should settle with this already but am I settling for less? Or is that what I really am worth? Lols. I have open applications with other companies but the process is too long that I’m tempted to settle for the one already available. Also have many LinkedIn messages that I’m still pondering on. Low self-esteem here. Not sure if I can accommodate all applications at once. Am I ready for them? Can I answer all their questions? Is my brain prepared enough? Feels like they’ll eat me at once. Hahaha. Sorry, super nega :))

Anyway, going back to my resignation sentiments, what really triggered me to move on with life is the future’s uncertainty. There were so many things happening at once and I felt like there’s no direction anymore. I also admit that my friends’ decision to also resign contributed to mine. Where’s the fun in working without friends, right? Or maybe it’s just my excuse not to be left alone. Hahaha.

Sometimes I wonder if I made the right decision - if it was too soon, if should have stayed a little longer. But you know, every time I do think about it, I am always brought back by the fact that now, I have lots of time on my plate. I can do what I want to do - go to elbi (finally!!), learn Kalimba, babysit my nephew (to the point of being clingy), wake up late, sleep late, binge watch, write on my blogs, upload overdue travel pictures, study new technologies (will take this seriously soon promise), clean my room (soon), and catch up on my journal (still can’t because of my wrist).

Kidding aside, I’m still grateful to be part of ci-tech for seven long years. Thankful for blessing me with good friends and managers, for giving me opportunities, and for allowing me to grow professionally and personally.

We might have a love and hate relationship, but nonetheless, thank you for everything, ci-tech! All the best! Please process my last pay immediately. Need funds. Hahaha!