Texts from Hyuga

Masashi: I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people. Ronin: I would be honored to be that friend.

Jun/ko, to the ronin: Y'know, I appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.

Junko: Happy Early Parent’s Day!!! Ronin: I’m not a parent. Junko: About that…

Ronin: I think misery doesn’t even think of me as company anymore. I’m an unofficial roommate.

Momoko, to the ronin: Yeah, okay. We can maid of honor each other since you don’t like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me.

Masashi: What the fuck… you literally introduced yourself as “that friend who’s going to fuck all your other friends.” Ronin: I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.

Momoko: Not saying I’m a lesbian. Just saying that every time the ronin walks by I wanna scissor her.

Jun/ko: I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, Ronin, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex. Ronin: STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS.

Ronin: I asked Jun because I knew he wouldn’t give me a lecture about consequences. Masashi: Jun IS a lecture about consequences.

Jun/ko: Why do all the Father’s Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can’t there be one that says something like, “Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated.”

Ronin: I wonder how Jun feels knowing that he’s the one who turned me gay.

Hatch: Let’s go hit some boners, bro! Ronin: I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that’s not how we, gay men, talk.

Ronin: I have the starring role in a literal shitshow.

Junko: Pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. Overkill is nothing but a word. There will be blood.

Ronin, to Masami: You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.