Horrible Histories + TFLN

(519): On a scale of one to America, how free are you this weekend?

AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT

(585): He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.

(703): there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face

(256): He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for

(253): Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf

(832): Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."

(843): I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that

(503): At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men

(401): Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse

(713): I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.

(850): I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, the pants were soon off.

(920): Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.

(608): He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.

(469): Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.