Texts From Another Period

His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice

fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever

On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence

he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.

It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.

I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.

burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.

Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral

I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.

Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night

Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room

But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny

I enjoy the company of your penis

Hopefully.

Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits

Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.