For Text Post Meme needs

girl it’s just a 3 day trip, you do not need to bring your terracotta warriors 🙄

*packing my suitcase for a 3 day trip* hm, but what if I need my terracotta warriors..

trying to make friends online like hey. do you wanna torture this guy with me?

Man trapped at the bottom of an old well has been declared largely uninteresting, will not be rescued

"i feel besquintled", said no one ever. because that's not a word.

cherry bomb voice Hello tumblr hello blog

Im your f f f f f f feral hog

theres a bit on the defunctland podcast where he talks about how most americans have a condition where when they hear the name of the place theyre from they just start frothing at the mouth and vibrating and then he used cincinnati as an example and i got so excited

[freeze frame] yeah, that’s not me. I don’t know who that is. [unpause]

What if we were cats. Kitty cats. And we danced danced danced danced.

I left tumblr for like 7 years now sometimes posts are underwater now

globael warming

Happy 1966 all! Stay groovy

santa put me on the Nuanced list this year

waiting for my nails to dry affords me the perfect opportunity to do the dishes and organize my sandpaper and steel wool collection and synthesize acetone

Lakes and graveyards are very similar in that if you detonate a large explosion inside either one a lot of dead bodies come to the surface.

Hi, um. How is being the necromancer's apprentice going for you OP?

You want I should raise dead, I raise dead, no problem. You want banish dead, no problem, have plenty more nitro. I do this, ten minutes.

CHUNKY STEW IS NOT BANISHMENT.

Chunky stew, very bad necromancer. We banish, no problem, no chunks. I give you number of cousin Yvgeny. Will power wash house, very good prices. No other necromancer does this for you.

Is....is...is Yvgeny....alive?

Eh. Is alive enough.

hallelujah it's raining men

i don't care about monday's goals, tuesday wednesday dig some holes, thursday clean my mandibles, it's friday i'm a bug